like a withered leaf
on an old and dying tree
you left me no choice

with all this mist it's hard to see
the devil creeping up on me
it's worth it, let it go

and everytime i recognise
the pain you keep beneath those eyes
you saw it, let it go

piece by piece we'll build it up
and paint it with a shade of luck
you made it, now it's so

it doesn't hurt because you're here
or that you make it disappear
it hurts, now it's so

i should've tried to tag along
if nothing else i'll still belong
to this, let it go
there's nothing left to show
i did, now it's so
and i'll never let it go

a clock without a maker
is improbable at best

so many moving parts
precision engineered
there's a chorus of hearts
that noise that i feared
the moment it starts

so at your sudden behest
i will hasten to wake her

life is too short to give a **** about a country when cats that aren't yours come and **** in your house.

life is too short to give a **** about impression when the art you provide is offensive to most.

life is too short to give a **** about indifference when commerce makes ******* of practical need.

life is too short to give a **** about regret when regret is the debt that you stepped in, you wept yet you kept it aside and it crept, then it slept, then you swept it away, the intrepid, tepid, jelly-like method that weathers fake smiles like the wear in your tires, and claws its way through what you see as desire, then tears it all down when its aimed at yourself before putting you up on the furtherest shelf, and then blaming you, shaming you, changing the way that you saw what you thought that you ought, what you sought, what you bought, why you fought; its the same: you're distraught because any way you look at it, life is just too ******* short.

the light that i seek
is not rare
it's just there
and that's precisely why i am drawn to it

the light that i seek
isn't yours
has no cause
and that's precisely what you've exploited

you see, for me, it seems
you've run out of enemies
when in fact you've run out of friends
used up all your hypocracies
tried too hard to make those amends
when nothing needs to be fixed
no more tricks
hate only exists because there's not enough love
nothing is real except death from above

but the light that i seek
isn't here
because you switched it off
when you thought i wouldn't come home

and the more that i stare
at the fear
the darker it is

i watched the planets twinkle
and while they shimmered and shuttered
it seemed they were trying to say something
but they're really far away
600 million miles or thereabouts
and whatever they were saying
they probably said an hour ago
which got me thinking
how unfair it is to think
they were talking to me alone

my galaxy starts blinking
red, green, orange and pink
like it's trying to say something
and it's right next to me

suddenly i'm shrinking
there's always room to shrink
because i don't want to say anything
and you're right next to me

tumbling and sinking
into the solace of the drink
i don't care about anything
except what's right next to me

it takes a long time, waiting
hoping you'd give me a ring
i want it more than anything
but i can't take the call right now
i'm chatting to the stars

i am not alone
but i am unique
maybe that's why i feel lonely

then again maybe not
i totally forgot
what we were talking about in the first place

how to really feel alone
make a decision
then get told what to decide

say it
say it again and again
say it
over and over again
over it
over it again
again and again

it may well be that it comes from within, but it wears thin
especially when you don't even know where to begin
whatever you thought you'd given in, that insignificant sin
let it spin baby
let it spin.

advertising
likes to punch you in the face
so you hear it
loud and clear

when you left
after you punched me in the face
made me fear it
clear and present

social media
tends to punch you in the face
when you let it
presently clear

i don't regret a thing
i stand by what i said, i miss you
no matter what you bring try not to punch me in the head

it's not allowed, out loud

so much time
that we afford
and forget we need to use it

so much love
and then forget
how little we afford it

time can get you love
and love will buy some time
money helps.

beautiful things
come at just the right time
the universe sings
so sweet and sublime

the wood for the trees
the sea for the sand
the wind for the breeze
the hurt for the hand...

honesty teaches you reverence
solitude teaches you severance
reality teaches you consequence
the effect this has had on my confidence


beautiful things
come at just the right time
and it's time

i sometimes feel like i'm a bit too sweet
that enacts in everyone the 'go away' effect
though i'm shy
and indiscreet
and tasty? i think

but these days i feel like i'm a marshmallow
that enacts in some of us the 'hey' effect
good to meet you
melts on your tongue
doesn't it? i think

and the more you let it melt away
the lonelier it felt, and today
was exactly that rapport
so when can i get some more

for years and years i've tried to keep my head above the water
the line between the darkness and the sunshine that defines it
for years i've wondered what it is i'd ever get to tell her
if the line between those metaphors was ever that complicit
for years and years and years that opportunity got shorter
the lines between the lines that never fit

i'm still alive - i'm forty-five - that doesn't really matter
the years that happened in between don't really seem to mind it
feels like every time i try to stick my head out of the gutter
the lines that keep connecting us are ever more explicit
and every time my fishing line retracts a little shorter
my heart, my soul is telling me to let it

that lonely deck of cards that's being led towards the slaughter
that slow persistent hopefulness that wants to take me with it
with every waking moment i can't wait to get to know her
and shower it with words so even i could never miss it
the distance to that end looks like it's finally getting shorter
and something in me tells me not to quit

they say fortune favours the brave
but right now it favours the dave

take mine
take me
take all of it, it's free

make mine
make me
anything you want it to be

fake mine
fake me
is all that's left of me

make mine
make me
the best that it can be

lost inside a time when you believed
when you were focused on your rhetorical belief
i have to admit, i felt a bit relieved
when you took that pill and made it spell relief

stuck inside a crime i didn't do
when you say you'll make it work and then you don't
i have to admit, i understand the shame
but i also feel a little bit ashamed

we are lost
in time
lost beneath the colours
lost within the others
we are lost
astray
it would be easier to say
that this had never come our way

and in the fading of the moonlight
the willingness to do right
i've never been so eager to explore
i wanted to do more
than i'd ever done before
but it's alright
it's alright
there's more

the flames speak the truth
as they fly away from their embers
it's been three dozen decembers
since my youth

the blade that's been forged
as its passed down through generations
sharper than all my creations
gets ignored

the beat of the drum
as it vibrates with a synergy
as it sparks an epiphany
but for some

the mood that remains
the need to reason, or wonder why
as the stars crawl across the sky
simply drains

it feels so unjust
i don't want to go on without her
the sunrise is a metaphor
and i must

there are just two things that make it my song
the fact that i sang it
and the fact that you listened
everything else is just music

we found you alive
welcome to our family
thank you for coming

i wish that i was nine years younger
back then i could have stopped that train
my soul is made of grief and hunger

since then i've gone and made a blunder
and it happens again and again
i wish that i was nine years younger

my son fills me with so much wonder
a reflection from a window pane
my soul is made of grief and hunger

outside i hear a roaring thunder
frustration that i can't explain
i wish that i was nine years younger

i'm trying hard to not go under
i'm in no position to complain
my soul is made of grief and hunger

the square root of a complex number
the direction of a weather vane
i wish that i was nine years younger
my soul is made of grief and hunger

it's not real, it's not even close
it doesn't even get to the start
it's not loose
nor elusive
it just doesn't want to be apart
from this
this addictive remiss
it doesn't want to be a part of it
yet it should
be apart, so it should
remind us of what we would miss
just by saying no, just once
let it go beneath the shade
if it wants to serenade
let it, if it wants
if it wants to be free, let it soar
if it wants to be alone, let it
let it be whatever it wants to be
let it see what you saw
and never want to see it again
we entice, and ignore
and sit back while it takes shape
hope, fate, whatever you want
you know what you want but i can't

the earth and the trees
and the visceral breeze
the distance it takes to its end
five nights with freddy
and everything's ready
to start what it needs to amend.

and then there's a spark
the black and the dark
a distorted reality field
if i could choose either
i'd probably want neither
i'd wait for whatever's revealed.

so when there's no choice
when i've run out of voice
it doesn't mean time has an end
i wish that i'd practiced
those things that i missed
and i'll willingly let them amend.

and when we connect
it'll never be perfect
and that's why i went my own way
and now that i miss you
please know that i miss you
and that's all that i wanted to say.

one day when you're a space engineer
come look me up and i'll buy you a beer.

nothing
is what it is
so please stop asking

something
is what it should be
and not this dark thing

everything
is what i want
so i'll keep on shining

fascinating
to see it glow
to see it glimmering

emancipating
it starts out small
but ends up blinding

anticipating
because i never know
when the cracks start to show
and i shout and i swear
and i don't even care
and i try not to dare
and i battle and stare
we're an excellent pair
we've got so much to share
but it's way out there
and it's wrong to compare
that just wouldn't be fair
there's no reason to go
because you never know
what might be waiting

timing
is what it is
it's everything

you're not alone
even though you pretended
open your mind
in case you forget it

but i'm alone
so don't you forget it
what did i find
it wasn't intended

you used to be the best in me
but i had no idea
you loved me, you sheltered me
so i hear

so yesterday i went ahead
i totally went and i did it
because i honestly can't trust
a single word that you say

this is what i meant when i said
let's try and be honest about it
i don't need to know who you're sleeping with
but it is good to know you're okay

flinched and scared are words, it seems
   that separates light from bright
   that separates real from feel
   that separates dark from stark
   that separates lame from shame

pinched and dared are words, it seems
   that separates make from break
   that separates lose from choose
   that separates fast from last
   that separates rage from age

clinched and flared are words, it seems
   they're worlds apart
   where do i start
   i clinch, you're scared
   i flinch, you're scared
   i pinch, you're scared

yet all this time i was scared
  and it showed

ground beef
nice dream
eat ****

keep it to yourself
whatever your intention is
it shows

i dare you to prove me wrong.

be kind, always.

how many times can you say the word oxygen in one breath?
ha haa, i thought so.

so soon, so far
where are we going?
so good, so far
always leave me hanging

so sure, so soon
why are we leaving?
so far, so soon
always end up laughing

so you just laugh away
catch up with you another day.

it can hurt you if you let it
and recoil if you forget it
will enrage you and engage you
if it ever lets you in it

it can find the missing piece
and offer some release
will implore you and adore you
if it ever gives you peace

but it likes to take its time
and so it should

there's something i need to do
and i don't know how to do it
and that's why i'm asking so many questions

so strange, art

it isn't animosity
or self-righteous hypocrisy
or violent democracy
or calculated diplomacy
no

this is figuring out what's right
and what's fair
and the rest of it can go to hell
there's no reason to yell
there's no story to tell
there's nothing to sell
your dignity fell
right out of it's shell
with the laundry as well
you know i can tell
the sound of the bell
reminds me
finds me
peace

nothing is above what we think
because the perception of reality
is what's thought

nothing is above what we own
because the perception of success
is what's bought

nothing is above what we find
because the perception of fortune
is what's caught

nothing is above what we see
because the perception of distance
is what's short

nothing is above what we want
because the perception of desire
is what's rought

nothing is above what we are
because the perception of selfless
is what's taught

nothing is above my intention
because your perception
of what it is that i do
doesn't make sense to me at all

this is how you always will be
etched into my memory
that's how you got me
a brilliant mind
naughty, for sure
(perfect)
instantly pure
ostensibly kind
that's where you will be
ingrained within my memory
this is how you always should be


okay, i've missed out on a jackpot
but not for lack of trying
slithered past the sweet spot
put up with all the lying
spread out like an ink blot
too intricate to die in
it isn't what you haven't got
it's what you put it in
but the one thing that i'm not
is what you'll always be
behind the blind, beneath the rot
between the mensch and me
i totally gave it my best shot
now finally you're free
the space behind the parking lot
the colours that we see

i don't think i'll find anyone quite like you ever again
you fattened me up, only to rip me apart, and then
we made a decision to start all over again
and we did it again
and again and again
forever and ever, amen

that tiny little crack in time
that you think you've been searching for
has already been
or is waiting to happen
or...
you could take the now
that you already have
and bash it as hard as you possibly can
until it cracks

whether it's kruder & dorfmeister
or under the shower
it means the same to me

plain or indifferent
lost and belligerent
it was always meant to be

the wall, the fall, the east, the west
we're better than the rest
south on fourty-second
fourty seconds less
must be madness, she reckons
randomness at best

but, oh! bless you
i thought you sneezed
you did, didn't you
didn't you

such a pity, really
we had such a good weekend
but then you snapped

so silly actually
we were off to see a friend
but then you snapped

he's just got out of icu
and you cooked him up something better than
that hospital food
delicious hospital food
and then you snapped

he was in icu because we put him there
heart attack, maybe, something went wrong
we were on our way
and then you snapped

like that thing in his brain
that made his his heart beat at 202 bpm
that they could only fix by stopping his heart
and then he snapped

so i turned around
i almost walked home
don't know where my keys are
and then i snapped

and all this time
you haven't said a word
except 'there's food for you at home'
and then i snapped

and thought 'let's try this again'
but you still didn't speak
instead you sulked
and so i snapped

you haven't said a word
since we got home, so maybe i should try some of
that hospital food
delicious hospital food
and now i've snapped

but there's something else isn't there?
if there's nothing to say then there's something to hide.
is there something else hidden in there?
sometimes the hubris sneaks out of the pride.
surely.
really?

such a pity.

it sits on my shoulder
the benevolent devil
and says please can you do what i ask

and when the storm comes in
when everyone takes to the covers
they have to be mindful of the task


just around the corner
the malevolent angel
insisted on taking it all for granted

and when the storm came in
that found them scrambling for answers
they probably should have been less than enchanted


if not justly annoyed
for the sake of the trees
beacuse at least the devil
said please

suddenly it appears
in my peripheral periphery
i look like a rabbit
that's just had an epiphany
and stopped and thought, wait!
i could do so much better
i'm right here with you
i should never have let her
say such shackulous things
that flitter and flatter
and cast so much doubt
oh! i wanted to tell her
to not make a shout
he's such a nice fella
he runs and he rides
with the seas and the tides
and takes her to places
he's hidden inside
and inside those places
a crowning awaits
that criminally crawlingly
counterfeit space!

years later, when i think
that i've gathered my garb
and drenched the poor dude
in what most think is arb
and try to reclaim
what i thought i had lost
i didn't consider
what could it have cost?
it couldn't be much
i'm not worth alot
i'm not that much more
than you'd find in the lot
and daringly, raring with
all of my pride
i suddenly showed
what i'd hidden inside

and all in an instant
it all disappeared
those things that i wanted
and totally feared
were vanished along
with my prickly beard
begone! it said with
with a huffulous gruff
you won't find us here
we just don't give a fluff!
we don't want your type
or your arty-farty ways
there's nobody here who
invited you anyways
but that was a while ago
and if your intent
was to drive me away
then i shouldn't have sent
my lawyer to see you
yeah, he knows what's best
what's best for the rest
should be put to the test!

but time has moved on
and i'll never remember
what you had in mind
that fateful september
when you stole my heart
with a bit of panache
and a twist of the wrist
and a crudulous crash
and made me see clearly
how foolish i'd been
to not see the wood
nor the trees inbetween
for this i am grateful
it could have been worse
it could have been me
in the back of the hearse
but the thing that you are
and the kindness you show
takes nothing from those
that are wanting to grow
and that is why you
amongst all of the many
are worth diamonds and gold
and don't cost a penny

the burden of proof rests on the accuser
failure of which would determine the loser
i shudder to think i was ready to lose her
if ever it turned out to be true

but then again,

the burden of trust lies with the diplomat
who flits back and forth, what's with that?
as hard as i try to figure where you're at
if it really, solemnly was you

rat-a-tat-tat, rat-a-tat-tat.

it's best not to judge but don't be naive
you never know what they've got stashed up their sleeve.

because it's worth it.
so why put up with it?
it happens

every time
and crumbles to the ground
it wants to hang around
and makes it real, for me
it inspires a new philosophy

every time
an idea that doesn't last
an achievement from the past
like a well-read magazine
it'll always be a has-been

every time
unimaginable pressure
loads of broken furniture
an intricate befunge
my memory's a sponge

every time
you use all your confetti
any time you're ready
waiting for the next text
let's see what happens next

and we didn't hurt anyone
it was fun
back to front, and we're done.

what do i do?
doesn't matter, i guess
she said so

i once thought
that the next world war wouldn't be fought over territory
but resources
energy
water
but i was wrong

it turns out
that the next world war will be fought over ancestry
and excuses
family
slaughter
and all along

the finity of the planet has more value
than the portion of it that it affords you
what actually belongs to anybody?
the enemy has always been ourselves

*

i think
that the next world war will be fought over poverty
and privilege
sympathy
majure
and so it is

it just so happens that i have a white skin, kind of beige actually
but i hope to move to mars eventually
and if what i represent ****** you off
then i hope you win

i wish that i was effervescent
sometimes
the rain would sort that out
i wish i was a pale shade of grey

i wish that i was totally indifferent
sometimes
to be within and not without
the pain would slowly drain away

and sometimes
i wish i was the canvas
your watercolours wash against
slide beneath the present tense

nothing less, nothing more
score, four, the one thing i adore
openly, decidedly
the wickedness you took from me
the stitcher that you chose to be

sometimes
oh yes, i'm ready
let it rain down
let it rain

today
i heard the voices
in my head
proper
what's wrong with you
whassup
what's going on
i don't know
why are you stumbling like that
i dunno
i want
all of this to go away
i want everything to end
but hang on dave
it'll be okay
hang in there, it'll all make sense
let it go, by all means
keep it to yourself
feel as much as you can, whatever
of course it hurts
let it bleed
you're just not ready yet

the fear rises up in me
like the flame from the candle i stare at
that flutters like a butterfly
and gets me so anxious that i
in my cautiously delusional state
prefer to reject this needless hate
it's a thick dark dungeon of doubt
that's left me wanting without
my needing to utter another word
yet it's something i heard
on the radio just yesterday
as if history could have said it any other way

it rises up still
and my only resolve
whatever the cost
is to let it evolve
into compost
into which i can sow
and out of which i can grow

what i've taken for granted
i'll never regret
but the damage i've caused
i'll never forget

when i thought you had left me i feared the worst
but that wasn't the thing that hit me first
it wasn't the distance we so far had travelled
or the damage that i knew that we'd somehow unravelled

it wasn't the promises we said that we'd made
or the ring on my finger that i proudly displayed
it wasn't the trust that we'd found in each other
or the comfort i thought that you'd found in another

it wasn't the me, or the why, or the now
or the reason that why seems to matter somehow
it wasn't the space in between, now it seems
there was something stitched closely to the edge of the seams

but now you are here
and i am the now
and that is back there
and this is how

we start from the beginning, get back to the winning
take care of the issues that keeps us fulfilling
each other
with the love that we found
so true and profound
and will keep us together
forever

you know this to be true, because
the only one who knows this is you

it's not like i planned this
way back in atlantis
though this is what history preferred

it's not like i wanted
to be taken for granted
it's just what the mystery inferred

it's not circumstantial
or in any way minuscule
it's not like i caught myself out

but if i could be truthful
if just for this mouthful
when you're ready, just give me a shout

if you need a bit more, i'll be here
if you need me to go, i'll be way over there
if you need me to love you
i'm gonna think twice
and i'll listen to reason
no matter the price

but if you keep on pretending
like nothing needs mending
i'll help you swallow that pill

if you want me to be
then let me be free
sure, it'll be superficial

but right now i've got nothing to hide
so you can take someone else for a ride

not afraid to choose
between wrong or right
not afraid to lose
not my fight
broken like a fuse
that's alright
they're not my shoes
they were chosen for me

if there's one thing that i really hate
it's being told what to do

when i can love and frankly tolerate
the things life puts me through

but times are wrought with greed
i just don't see the need

and what i thought was easy
comes right back out to tease me


i'd rather wait and anticipate
choose darkness over blue

cry shame on those who try to take
from others what's not due

but there within my head
i've ventured all that's said

i wish that i had found
the silence that's abound


the knowledge of who's right or wrong
is a blemish from the past

it's my need to comfortably belong
to a space that wants to last

and just when i get home
the sight of polished chrome

bends me to my knees
gives in to the disease


it's there within my head
and gets ridiculed instead