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Darkling Aug 2015
I am too close
to the ever-pressing silence
that dominates the mood of my life.
Eerie jackals pass me in the hall
hungry
for a taste.
Blank stares and quiet skies
interlude
with an electric hum.

Why do I cringe?  
at the thought of a
multitude of realities -

My jungle has no king.
Tender flesh exposed
most delicate in your countenance
I don't know your name
and there are too many of you
to begin with, so I can't end.

Impressions upon the mind
carved deep
with chisel and talon

Release me from this depth
too thick, like a humid morning
with an empty white sheet
staring back across the way.

That quiet sky speaks
no more as I wander
near the shore

Thunderous emptiness
rumble and control me

In the distance, an echo
returning from my silence.

*I am too close.
Written more than fifteen years ago - March 25th, 1998 to be exact - this poem is one of the ones I'm most proud of, and resonates deeply with me right now, as I struggle with depression, anxiety, and PTSD.  

I am sure that it could use some editing, but I don't have the heart to desecrate it right now (though I DO welcome constructive criticism)

Strange that I was still a teenager when I wrote this, and it speaks volumes to me as a grown woman.
Darkling Aug 2015
There is a sweet pain in mapping the history of our coupling.
     meter by meter, each grassy
     embrace and sand-filled kiss
     charts a curious and comforting record.

Stolen moments, a theft
     of space, a conquering
     of body and mind.  Dying leaves
     cover a multitude of our sins

That copse of trees
     my birthday gift, my knees
     quivered and felt
     barely tethered to the ground

Stars wheeling above
     us and behind my eyelids
     as I came, shuddering
     my pulse the steady swift thrum
          of a deep cello chord, velvet-rich
          against the muscle of your tongue
     my spasming thighs, reluctant
          to let you go
                         always.

By daylight cars
     come and go
     oblivious to the chapel,
     the consecrated ground we made

Desire, our religion
     lust, our communion.

I baptized
     the upholstery of your truck
     sweet abandon - my satisfied
     cries a catechism.

Sing Hosanna in the highest
     for every delicate sigh
     you've wrought from my naked body

This, then, is Eden -
     every inch I survey I see
     us naked, worshipping, with
     greedy hands and mouths
     by silver moonlight

The grunts and moans of
     our ******* a hallelujah,
     a psalm.

My temple, your body
My pulpit, your ***** **** -
     your salty skin
In this worship, I am
     perfect - my sermon
     most holy -is an entreaty

Love me,
     Heal me,
          Make my weary body alive again.

Amen.  
     Amen.
  Aug 2015 Darkling
Pablo Neruda
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
Darkling Aug 2015
Reduced to the sum of
     our parts - the need
     greater than whole
Numbers seem petty - a
    fraction of the equation

Tangent, the shape of our
     bodies all angles, bending
     lines, the radius shifting
     in sweaty palms.

In simpler terms,
     the addition of objects
          one plus one equals two

But such simple terms
     do not apply here
My theorum has no solution,
     no order, needs none

Irrational numbers are far
     more interesting to me.
Darkling Aug 2015
The tittering leaves chutter
    softly to me - embracing
    the clouded sky, portent
    to a coming
    storm.  We could not care
    any less - embrace the heavy
    clouds, a molten mood.

My thoughts are wild, omnipotent
     unhinged.  Lapping water
    tempers the coming
    rain - whispers to me with
    those newly born saplings

Coaxing me to
    freedom, release from
    pain and present

A hope in deluge

A silent thunder ignites.
While writing has always been at the center of who I am, sometimes the challenge of putting thoughts to paper so honestly is too much for me.  Because of this, I've gone through several periods of silence, often lasting years and years.  

Last summer, a very dear friend of mine challenged me to write a poem a week, and he would do the same - he wasn't able to keep his end of the bargain, but in retrospect, I think the sole purpose was to get me to write again,

I am so glad he did.
Darkling Aug 2015
Here I have three blankets
  all green   all growth    all mold
  and stained with           ashes

the first – soft, a mockery
of velvet it is ***
and sensuality deep, merciless
                     my favorite
lies
close to my bare skin
a slithering comfort – all
lips and fingertips

next, wide and broad
pastel – to ward off demons
                   I know, I conjure them in my sleep
Patchwork and pure
Forgiving the stains    memories
large enough to hide
the light monsters cannot
see the blind

and last for
measure and pressure
a plasticine green, heavy
      a morning in April – morose
it rests
like a mother, a lover
       neither I know
       neither have
       been quite so serene         or forgiving
as this silence

here, I have
created a safe
embrace     the weight
pressing soft kisses
on my aching body
wanting      to be held
                         cooed, soothed
my mossy womb


I could die
like this    safe
and warm
lied
to only by
myself
Darkling Aug 2015
awakening came alive
burning my eyes
bleeding
into this feeling of
regret
silent smiles in the dark
only carried me
for so long
I burned for you
cried   eyes narrowed
to wilting flowers
the need to grow
to be warmed
to shine     in your arms
whose?   In this burden
this disgrace
I want to feed, a forgotten thought
a calm sigh
settling down
justifying
every word I said to you
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