Today was the first time that I cut four tiny parallel lines on my wrist. I didn't use a blade or a razor. I used the sharp end of a compass. I don't know why I did it. But it felt good. All I know was that the pain inside was too much to bear and I needed to breathe. My demons were suffocating me. After that I ran to the kitchen and took an icecube and rubbed it along those four lines. I hadn't drawn much blood but the lines were there. Now, five minutes later, I can still feel the sting; a dull, numb pain.

An i know you ghink i am writjng these blurbs for attention but you do not know what i need to get out what i have been containing and itsalljumbledupandidobtknowwhattodoanymorebecausefuckthatijudtean­tobeokay but YOU DON'T CARE and I shout till my voice is hoarse but you don't hear and I don't know what to say or do but what the **** man you don't give a **** so why am i typing this i don't know i lost it and i sit here with tears running down my face and all i have to asm you is why

It's a new year.
A new beginning.
With this new year,
we should take the time to remember those who did not live to see 2014.
We should remember those who will spend another year in poverty and constant hunger.
We should appreciate how lucky we are to have food, clothes and a shelter over our heads.

Her heart is cold.
Her eyes are sunken.
She has grown weary of life.
He lungs are heavy.
Her face is pale.
Her limbs are frail.
Her arms,
Scarred.
She picks up the blade with her dainty fingers.
It was her escape from reality.
Now,
it's her escape from the world.

Today is the second month I've been on Hello poetry and I have accomplished so much. I had another account before but too many people from my school found out about it and it made me feel uncomfortable and judged so, I created this account. I'm glad I did. The people I've met on this account, this website, are amazing. They've stopped me from doing many things I'm sure I would have regretted doing. They have supported me and made me smile. They understand me. They only judge me based on my soul which I have been pouring out, bit by bit, onto the 'pages' of this website. I am so thankful to have met every single person I have met on this website and we'll fix ourselves together. I love all of you, I really do.

I'm trying forget you.
It's not as easy as it seems.
Your face,
embedded in my mind.
The memories we share.
I don't know what went wrong.
I don't know anything.
I do know one thing.
If you ever apologise,
I'll run back into your arms like the fool I am.
I'll run back only to get hurt again.
I'll run back.

You know those days when you lay down and cry because you are just so angry and upset with life and the people around you that you lose control.

You don't know how but tears spring to your eyes and you can't breathe.

And you just want to take anything and crush it and watch it fall to the ground as dust.

And you shudder because it's so cold and
You
Are
Just
So
Tired.

On those days, I think of you and I hope you'll somehow sense that something is wrong and you'll call me but you never do.

I let the pain take over my body.
I'm *exhausted

I want to punch everyone And break everything but the words come tumbling out of my mouth so I write I write till my hands shakes and my face is red and tear stained from all the emotion but I write and I do not care because i need to get it out i need to breathe but i don't want to cut and I know when I need you most you won't be there

And no i am not okay I never will be okay depression is here to stay and i can't control my hands as i am typing this i have just lost all control and it is like a volcano erupting inside of i have lost it i don't know what to do i cant do anything AND I AM SCREAMING CAN YOU HEAR ME OVER YOU LAUGHTER AND YOU TAUBTS DO YOU NOT CARE I LAUGH AND PRETEND THAT WHAT YOU SAY IS OKAY BUT IT REALLY IS NOT ABD I JUST NEED YOU TO stop. Just stop and leave me alone.

What do you see as you stare into my lifeless eyes?
What do you think about when you gaze into them?
Can you still love this soulless girl?

Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe you aren't that bad.
Maybe that was just a one-off incident.
I just don't know.
Through what I saw,
you hate me.
Through your actions today,
you seem to be almost... apologetic.
It can't be,
right.
sigh.
We'll never be friends again.
I'll never have the courage to talk to you and neither will you.
We'll remain like this but,
at least I know you forgive me and I forgive you.

Sometimes, you just need a reminder that your life is worth more than you think.

Don't say I didn't try.
I asked you,
you ignored me.
I tried to contact you.
I apologised SO MANY TIMES.
You didn't say a word,
you never replied to my messages.
You think you're the only one who can get *******?
You think you are the only one entitled to that feeling.
That's just who you are.
Selfish
I shall not be wasting my time anymore.
If you wanted to be in my life,
you never would have left.

I feel more mature now.
I feel older than before.
After you broke me,
I changed.
I became more bitter.
But it felt bittersweet.
Could something good come out of this incident?
You see,
now I'm like glass.
Under a lot of pressure,
I became strong.
You won't be able to hurt me again.
Yet, glass is still brittle.
If you break me again,
I won't be able to be fixed,
no matter how much glue you use.
There will still be cracks.

I'm crumbling to billions of pieces.
Shards of glass.
I try to gather them.
Every time I manage to do so,
someone comes and knock them out of my hands again.
How much longer can I take the grueling task of picking myself up?
One day,
I'll just give up.
I'll just fade away.
No one will care.
For I'm a broken girl left in despair.

Life is my torture,
and death,
my salvation.

And it was sad to know that,
While she desperately wanted to die,
Her mother desperately wanted to live.

Can you hear my silent screams?
Can you see the pain in my eyes?
Can you see the way my shoulders slump forward?
Do you see the invisible tears?
Do you feel the waves of my anger?
Do you love me for who I am?
Can you love me for who I am?
For what I've become?
For what I will be?
Can you see past my flaws?
Do you know I'm broken?
Can you fix me?


YOU CAN'T


*you won't

I'm just so angry
I'm paying for her mistakes.
I feel like punching the wall.
I want to hear my knuckles crack from the impact.
I want to scream till I can't scream anymore.
I want to scream till my voice box bursts.
I want to kick.
I want to slap.
I want to pinch.
I don't want to be angry.

It was the second day of school and I see you in the hall.
Yours is the first face I see out of them all.
You don't say 'Hi'.
Neither do I.

You purposely ignore me.
That, I can see.
I turn away.
At this point, 'Hi' is the last thing I want to say.

Of course.
She's right.
She always is.
I'm the only one who has to 'think logically'.
I'm the only one who has to grow up.
Even her bad grades are my fault.
Go ahead.
Take the blames,
lay them on my shoulders.
Watch me as I struggle.
Mock me as I collapse.

Ahh.
I see you 'blocked' me.
Am I supposed to be hurt?
It just proves that I've affected you.
That I've gotten under your nerves.
I think I have the right to watch you burn
after what you have done to me.
I treated you like a sister,
you stabbed me in the back.
You fake *b---ch

Because i'm dying i'm suffocating the walls are closing in on me and i cannot contain this feeling like a burst of fire from within this self-hatred spewing venom throughout my body and i cannot live like this anymore i cannot live by crying everyday i cannot live like this it is not a live it is surviving but barely

I forgive too easily.
That's my fatal flaw.
After all you have done to me,
I still forgive you.
Why?
I try to convince myself that I hate you.
That you aren't worth my forgiveness.
Yet,
my heart goes ahead and whispers from the chasms of my body.
"It's okay, forgive her."
And I foolishly do.

What is life?
I am going to study until I complete university,
after which i will have to get a job and I'll work from 9-5 every single day.
I'll have to pay the bills and on top of that,
I will also be pressured to get married by my parents and what if I have kids?
The responsibility of caring for them is then added on.
After many years,
I retire but by then I'll be in no condition to travel the world or enjoy what is remaining of my life.
Then,
I'll lay in my bed and wait for death.
Is this really what life is supposed to be like?
I don't think so.

Thanks guys,
I'm feeling better and I won't **** myself I've thought about it but I won't.
Thank you for your support.
I won't cut either.
I'll get through this. Thank you so much!

Thank You. Guys, I hit over a thousand views in 4 days. Thank you so much, it really makes me happy to be able to reach out to people.* :')

I
S
C
R
E
A
M
AND THEN I stop
Silence
Silence
Silence
Silenc
           e











It's deafening

Exams are round the corner but,
I can't stop thinking of you.
Of what we had.
Of what we will never have again.
I can't study.
Your face constantly pops up in my mind.
You already ruined my life once,
why are you back to haunt me again?
I saw you at the mall the other day.
I'll never be able to forget.
And that fact kills me.

My friend lives,
deluded,
in her own world.
*She's lost