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There is a greatness in your form
The way you carry yourself around
Like you're the beginning
And the end
Of every sentence.
There is a cruelty in your eyes
And how they cut me down
Around every corner
And under all the moons and suns
We've seen together.
There is a kindness to your body
Like it has covered all it's bruises
And learned from its mistake
Of trusting you with it.
And there is ****** on your lips
When they join with mine
And I feel my life ending
With every untaken breath.
You
Someone once asked me
If I was afraid of dying.
I said yes.
What else is there to be afraid of
Besides that?
Now, looking at you
Your breath against my neck
Your eyes searching my face
Your smell soaking into my sheets
I realize I answered like a child.
If I am asked that question again
I think I will answer
that I am afraid of one thing
That one day
Your eyes will close
Your head will turn
and I will lose you
To someone
Who isn't me.
Destiny is just a word
of simplicity
that is abused like a drunk ****
my words are angry
and as the door shut
she walked
silently
cat and mouse
violently
"Get up brown haired woman,
you're lipstick is smashed
Go vaporise your alcohol breath
in a dark black hole where you are trapped"
I'm lost, and as I wonder
I stumble upon a white owl
magnificent and winter-like
He speaks
Wise and serene
I begged him,
bury me deep underneath the frozen snow
where destiny cannot reach
He denied my proposal
But promised me destiny instead.
Dream>Wander>Get lost
Late night trying to enjoy my show
I tried to convince him not to go
But he came with me
The whole time spewing **** about our destiny
All I ******* wanted was to jam at my show
He kept trying to grind on me and wouldn't let go.
So I'd disappear into the pit
Just to get away for a bit
I wanted to turn around and punch him in the face
"Jesus Christ *******! Give me some space!"
So I'd smoke a cigarette
Because his company? I was ******* sick of it
We sat by the fire, while the show played
He'd whisper in my ear about how he wanted to get laid
Feeling uncomfortable. "Uh...Ok?"
I just wanted to see my ******* band play!
Decided to leave early
Cuz I couldn't stand his pressure clearly
He tried to kiss me
And get a feel against me
Pushed him away and said not today
BECAUSE I JUST WANTED TO SEE THE BAND PLAY
The whole way home, calling me princess
******* kid, your NOT catching my interest
He'd talk about his fetish or slapping my ***
Still wishing I had more cigarettes, I told him I didn't care
That I wasn't going to **** him at all, anywhere
What if I called you a *****?
Hmmm, NOT AT ALL, *******, YOU WISH
Still ****** and wondering what I got myself into.
I just wanted to see the mother ******* band play
So after a ****** 30 minute drive
I pulled into the lot between the lines
Ok, alright, have a good night.
He just sat in my car, pushing the subject
On getting me upstairs, to get his **** wet
Not that kinda girl, and I'm not sorry
Cuz I've got a guy who's got love for me
He didn't care, he took my keys and said "I'm *****."
Upstairs for 5 minutes, just give me a little baby.
Why am I trapped in this cliche...

**I didn't even get to see the band play...
I wonder if there is a thing
such as fate
Or if for destiny,
We're all too late?

Do we write our own stories,
or is God our author?
Should we praise him for our glories,
or curse him for our horrors?

Are we responsible for us,
or should we shift the blame?
Who is there to truly trust,
If we are all sinful just the same?

If love cannot be made or fixed,
is it forever broken?
What's here for us in this cruel mix?
I feel of my soul I have been stolen.
 Jan 2013 Danielle Bluejay
C A
I'm not heartless or jaded or broken
Though I have been rejected a few times before
I'm still complex but I'm working on it
And all that matters is not what I've done, but what I'm doing to be better than yesterday
I'm not exactly where I wish to be just yet
I am still sensitive and protective and I admit I have doubts
I don't say sorry as much as I should, but I have my way of making ammends
I'm not lost or searching or impulsive and weak
I'm curious and interested in expanding my horizons
My imagination takes me everywhere and sometime I don't want to come back
But I still try my best to improve what I do have
I do what I can and when I fail it's a lesson
If I didn't do my best, I'll take a look at what went wrong
I'm a hopeless romantic and a dreamer in the process of making use of my life and all my potential
I can be funny, sarcastic and niave all at once
But there are times when I'm serious and all I want is respect
I earned what I have and threw away many oppurtunities
But thats the beauty of life whether I like it or not
I forgive easily and remember most things
Especially what it feels like to be hurt and left alone
I enjoy what life brings me and I've learned that I'm capable
I've found my voice and I'm not afraid to be singled out
My head holds a crown that might be too heavy
But all my burdens are mistakes that paved a path towards my successes
I was a girl but now I am a woman
And to be honest, I love who I've become
Some people like me, some may be critical
But the only opinion that matters, is the one in the mirror
I like to laugh, I like to share, I like to listen to my friends
But most importantly I love to smile, even when it's difficult and everything is falling apart
Because in the midst of rainstorm always comes a rainbow
Soon after any day now, the sun will shine on my destiny
And the puzzle of life will still make no sense at all
Dear Mercy Girl,

I know the nights when the tears come in silent screams
But the screaming music should block out everything

I am the pins and needles in your fingertips, held captive underneath your thighs
As they itch to grasp the cold metal
That cuts hot
Opening your skin like a present on a random day
That isn’t your birthday
But that doesn’t faze you
Because you’ll collect smiles where you can find them


I know the fireworks in your chest
The tearing of muscle and tissue but I promise your heart is okay

I am the knot that forms in your throat
You swallow me but I’ll just grow in the pit of your stomach…

Let yourself write tearless words of someday, one day inspiration,
Vindication that you feel

I know the emptiness,
The emotionless façade
Broken by the deafening muteness of your cries for help
You’re helpless,
Hopeless, but hoping
For anything
Except the numbness that envelops you.

And I know the numbness
That keeps you cold as you open yourself
Hot
Blue burns red,
But didn’t you know feeling isn’t your friend?

I am the stairs screaming in protest under the sudden weight of your mother coming to check on you
Because you are loved.
Hide your knife, the only weapon you need tonight is that smile
Promising you love her too.

I know the nights when the sound of your own breathing is too much noise
So I become your heartbeat
Feel me remind you that you’re still alive.

Because I feel everything.
And I feel you.
So when you need to talk about nothingness, let me be there.
You don’t need to wrap yourself in long sleeves and your scarred arms,
Share with me your troubles.
You’re too young and alive to be dying alone.
-A friend.
I wrote this the night a girl from Mercy High School committed suicide.  I couldn't fall asleep because I couldn't get her out of my mind.  I wished I could have let her know she wasn't as alone as she thought.  At the time, I didn't even know her name but I needed Mercy Girl to know I was there.
Rest in peace Angie <3
You arrangers of thoughts and visions.
Sharing that most personal light that filters into your lens.
Opinions on sunsets, and of Autumns,
and attempting resurrections of days gone by.
A childhood Holiday, a skipped Summer stone.
A first heartache,
or a loved one’s soul ascending.
Perfectly honest glimpses into your most precious moments.

How do you do it?
How do you make me feel like a peeping Tom as if I had stumbled upon your most private files,
your family photo albums, your **** stash?
Like intercepting a note passed under a schoolhouse desk to Dorothy, ....what's her name.
Or that little red book in you Sister's night stand.
Her diary under lock and key?
No.
No, not diaries.
The visions you throw up are more than diaries.
They are ancient words that have longed to be spoken.
The thoughts of a thousand souls, you so bravely have loosed.
But you have to do this don't you?
You are so beautifully addicted.
From time to time you have to purge.
You have to stick your fingers into the throat of your mundane day jobs,
or lifeless relationships,
or awkward adolescence,
and for a moment,
for me,
throw up.

How is it that it stirs me to do the same?
I must crave that same drug as you.
To tap that vein and bleed...
But until then I will read you.
I will wander down your lonely paths,
I will let you in so that I may, for awhile,  
find the tear you wanted me to shed,
find that smile you knew was there, hidden among my layers.
And then, to take a breath and cherish the tattoos you have left behind.
To read you.
To see just what you see.
Is that what it is, this poetry?
Middlesboro, KY    2013
I have been a song writer for years, but have always had a great respect for poets. Maybe I will find my voice.
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