you were curling my hair around your fingers and laughing at the shape of them
or maybe you were just laughing at me,
I’m not sure.
and then I told you I loved you and you smiled—
ok that didn’t happen—
what happened was you pulled at the curls you just made in your own hands
until they weren’t attached to my head anymore.
it didn’t hurt, I think.
and then you put them in your pocket and ran away
and then you fell and she picked you up and put you in her pocket and ran away too.
then you came back and said whoops, sorry but you still didn’t give me them back
I don’t know if I even want them back.
on the way to the place with the people and the things in the car you winked at me
or maybe you had something in your eye,
but I smiled and you said that’s fine so I cried for a little and then it was just us
but I was still scared she was going to put you in her pocket and run away again
but you told me not to worry.
and then we were swimming in the pool
but then I looked down and it wasn’t a chlorine-colored blue
it was red like the sun at sunset but it wasn’t sunset and there was no sun;
I felt ok but you didn’t and you pulled a knife out from under the pillow—
the one in your room—
and that’s when I finally realized you were going to be the one to **** me
and I also realized I was ok with it
because better you to **** me than some other shmuck,
you know?
the only problem was I wasn’t the first one you killed,
or it should have been a problem,
or rather they all said it was a problem;
but it wasn’t.
and then we were rolling around in the grass,
and I lost an earring and you said whoops, sorry and I kissed you anyway
but you didn’t kiss me back
but you pretended to and that was alright so I went with it
but then you didn’t want to go all the way and I was ****** but pretended I wasn’t
and then you said shhhhhh and then you grew wings and flew away
and left me there for the birds to eat
while she grew wings to be with you so you weren’t alone.
and then we were sitting on your porch swing and it was swinging slowly
and you looked straight into my eyes for hours while I talked about nothing
but then you started to talk about something
and then I got really happy
and then we started swinging so fast that we were in the sky,
but we weren’t, really.
and then she stopped the swing and picked you up and put you in her pocket and ran away again.
this time you didn’t come back.
then I turned into ***** and told you I was ok with it.
and then I cried.
and then I woke up.