I like to smell you
and breathe you in deeply
I get lost in you
your eyes
your smile
tasting your lips
the feel your hands on my hips
I love to lie beside you in the dark
just knowing that you are there
You always know just what to say
Sometimes I think you can see into my thoughts
I happily let you in
But only you

Cut from my womb
no signs of life
no first breath
no first cry
no first cuddle
I did not get to count your fingers or toes
nor did I get to look into your eyes
you were taken and I was left alone
wondering and fearful

Our first meeting through a plastic box
wires, tubes, laboured breathing
so frail and broken
tears and hopes as I held your tiny hand
afraid as tears wet my face

So tiny for such a brave warrior
fighting against the odds
as we stayed by your side
marvelling at your strength
and the devotion of those that cared

The first time I held you
gingerly fearing tangled wires
I finally felt that you belonged to me
my little man

Our first night alone
much overdue
rush of love
as you snuggle in
and suckle like a pro
Soon I could take you home
and you would truly belong to us

Now time has passed
you grew and found your feet
my naughty little adventurer
who is far to busy to sleep
full of life as if making up for lost time

I lay there...alone...cold
Clutching my stomach, I crawled in agony
Directionless, no goal
The silent pain of my enemies rage
Hot...
The rain poured down hard, blinding...freezing
I cried for life, the rain...
It washed my tears away
I screamed for help, the thunder
It denied my call
I lay there...Alone...lifeless
Soulless but I could here it in the distance
That voice...oh so familiar
Yet strange...it called me
Beckoning
Haunting
Death...

I'm here for you
Whenever you need me
I do everything I can
To make sure you're alright
but I need you.
There's a battle in my heart
And in my head
It's tearing me apart
and I need you
You said you're here for me
But you rarely are when I need it most
And it kills me
I need you.
But it's the same with everyone
I'm the friend who helps them up when they fall
But as I'm slowly slipping
There's no one there to catch me
Please prove you're different
I need you
I'd never admit it to anyone else
For I hate feeling vulnerable
I hide behind a mask of strength
But solitude kills me
I need you
I'm willing to let you in
Let my guard down and open up
Just don't let my image fool you
Don't leave me
*because I need you

Quick, fast, sharp, and pure
Welling, swelling, flowing red
dark and lovely
crimson deep
the kiss of a dying rose.

The silent weeping of a wilting flower
bringing the final snap
that ends a life.

Dark secrets must not be told,
else utter madness descend.

Unpredictable, lonely,
thrown in on one's self.
Pointless fear, insane...
alive?
Or already consumed by anger.

A dark abyss, forever empty,
where love is lost, confused.
It cannot be found, yet cannot die...

Fading from memory.

Cover me in colors
Light up my world
I'm not so strong anymore

Give me your love
I swear I won't let it fade
I don't feel so good anymore

I'm tied together with a kiss
But if you fade away
I won't be ok anymore

I'm sorry that I need you
I'm sorry that you don't care
I'm sorry that I'm coming undone

I can't help it anymore.

where else would i go my friend
in my happiness and sorrow
I climb over that fence
and upon your threshold share
my thoughts – little and big
my feelings – like sea waves
who else listens like you do
to my rants and raves and whines
Who else understands
that all I want is to vent
who else realizes that what I’m looking for
is not a ready to use solution
that I’ll figure it out on my own
all I need is someone to listen
while I’m doing just that
so thank you for being
the window to my conscience
and know this too
that whenever you need
i’m just on the other side of the fence
come over when you wish
and I’ll listen to your tales
we’ll laugh and cry together
till there’s nothing left to say.

- Vijayalakshmi Harish
   04.01.2013
   Copyright © Vijayalakshmi Harish

Do you feel me slipping away?
I've started to stop caring
they say "no expectations, no disappointment"
that's what I'm going for
though, I still hope for little things
that you don't think twice about
this new years eve
i've gone without questions of your whereabouts, cause i'll just be sad that i'm not even thought about in the making of these plans
i've stopped revolving part of my life around you, like you did long ago and now i feel better in some ways but more sad in others
i'm always alone
no happy new year,
no nothing