for the longest time I thought that maybe
I
could suffocate you
and
your demons ,
so that you could die
and live
but your parents refused
they said that you would have to be
shocked
and have water that they had to kneel on their knees to make holy
poured onto your face .
it's a little funny though ,
because I don't think anything could shock you more than I did
the night we both heard the
crackcrack
of your ribs as I told I didn't love you
as much
and that I have made you cry
more than twice ,
and your demons know how to swim
because of it .
I never saw you in the hospital ,
but I bet you looked beautiful ,
and vulnerable ,
and scared ,
and scarred ..
I regret it now , not visiting you
because at least you were feeling something there ....
and I would've liked to have seen that ;
I would have liked to see you live
as they watched you ,
and as you died .

The joke was on me all along
I was blind to the signs and deaf to the reasoning cries
Yet I can not become numb to the pain you have inflicted on my wounded big heart
A fool for wearing it on my sleeve for all those to see
It must have caught your deceiving little eyes because you came and took it by storm
You ran fast with it in your hands
You thought you would try me out and take me for a spin
It all happened so quick the I love yous and want to be with you
I should have known they were just empty words coming from your red hot lips
You are the snake in the tall grass
You slithered your cold blooded self into my heart only to rip it apart

Smell the rain
Before you see
Then the sound
Before you see

Realize what it means

And the damp air is summer
It holds much more than I thought
And I am struck
By the beauty

Like a pinch to the cheek

The promises that this summer holds
Are romantic
And earnest
And so sweet and almost there

It calls to me
To claim my days
And grip the rains

blurred hands
christmas present shreds
paper snowflakes on the floor,
anticipation- snap

next slide shows...
was it a woman- my aunt?
why was she carrying fruit-
it was late in the season

I remember,
placed on
the table, linen cloth
blowing in the -click

late afternoon, blue
sky cobblestones red
balloon. carnival somewhere
I was-change

only four
and in a life
I've never yet-
lived
before.

I was everything,
           then I was something.
Now I am something,
           falling into


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