it’s scary how i’m scared
of losing someone i’ve never met
if there’s one thing i do not regret,
it was when you found me,
that night, when i was feeling empty.

i am no fool
but whenever i see your name,
i feel no shame,
i can forget about the rules

you've moved on, for sure
i haven't though,
—do you know it's a torture?
you have a home to go back to,
i'm just here and i still want you

we never denied it,
all the comfort
—and the happiness we felt,
never left a trace,
we need it hidden, always

i know how it's a mistake,
that's why i took a break
but one beep from my phone,
made me feel eager once again

i will never look for true love
i am someone who will never find one
why?
i am a sadist,
not to someone else
but to myself,
who prefers hurting herself

i thought i made a masterpiece,
but i just ended up hurting my fist,
asking myself his worth,
of the spaces on these pages,
of the ink from my pens,
of the words,
coming from my head

you loved the mystery in me,
the thrill of not knowing my story,
and while i wasn't interested at all,
you, figuring me, was my downfall

i became too comfortable
that i let you pass into my armour,
and when i wanted to know you more,
you became unknown

waiting was all i could do
but i knew it wasn't an option for you
because i'm no longer that someone you were curious about
—you only liked me when i was a stranger,
you ignored me when you got to know me better

i watched your shadow
as you blocked the light
coming from the transparent windows around us,
i wasn't sure if it was your fingers
—or your sweater's zippers
that pulled my hair
when you walked straight to my left

and when you passed again to my right,
i felt a cold, distant zephyr
as you rushed away,
like a stranger whom i've never met,
you did not look back
—or even stayed for a second
like you would always do.