I feel like ******* **** and I don't know how to change that because my heart is being ripped open again and I don't think I can survive this repetitive surgery someone please save me

And everything I'd been holding in
for a long time came out in sweet, painful relief. And the tears kept rolling, and the emotions kept coming, and the thoughts of everything I'd fought to forget came rushing to meet my eyes. And my face was wet with the continuous beat of my tears hitting the ground. And I gave into the quiet sadness.

jesus christ i can't think straight he loves someone else and this smile on my face is burning my skin there's nothing i can do to make it go away there is this lightness in my body begging me to open up my skin and i don't know if i can ignore it any longer but oh it feels so good to have my heart ripped out again

The funny thing is, I understand those stupid, cliche songs and movies now. I get that stupid feeling where your heart jumps out of your chest when you see "him". Because everytime I see you, my heart thumps in a hard, scary way. I feel like my heart might burst from my chest cavity. But no, this feeling doesn't come from joy of seeing you. I'm terrified of you. I can't seem to stop seeing you. And it horrifies me. Why won't you just leave, leave my brain, leave my memory. Just please, go away. I don't think I can hold myself together any longer to stay away from you.