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Jul 2014 · 1.2k
redemption
T Jul 2014
ill give ya a redemption
                                                      ­                                shot
watch you **** up three
then sink the next, grinning
bowing, arms outstretched for
                                                                ­                        me
Instead, you're greeted by my pursed-*** lips,
a curse, and rehearsed
                                                       ­                                   down-
cast eyes as I reach into my purse
for papers, roll up so you know you ain't
                                                           ­                                good
for me.
                                                             ­                             No,
you hurt me more.
But I **** up
                                                              ­                           best.
Jun 2014 · 702
why i have no friends
T Jun 2014
I swell till I fill my contain-her.
and there is no room
i'm liquid and
you drown in my existence.
I sat and saw the living room pulsing and pulsing and I realized it was me that was pulsing. I felt lonely but I realized I am not "alone" as much as I thought I am more "enough" than I thought
May 2014 · 578
I lost my face
T May 2014
It's like we take 2 steps forward
only to fall flat
on my face.

I, of course, see
only where we could have been,
track how far back we are.

You, of course, think nothing of
my ****** face,
leading by example,
belittling the fall
You pull ahead one
step to see I slid back four.

You're much too far
I lost my place
back in the race
May 2014 · 430
10 words
T May 2014
If I can ignore you,
then
I don't need you?
May 2014 · 403
I dreamed of a church
T May 2014
I had a dream,
I found a beautiful, majestic church in the middle of nowhere
I was confused.
Come to think of it, just the size had me dumbfounded.
The golden, arched double doors opened for me
so I glided in and sat before I could look around.
When I did, all I felt was fear. I was so high up,
it was so scary
yet the  people next to me didn't seem so wary
or aware
that the lush chairs they were sitting on
were clouds of air.

The next curious thing
was the pastor, I knew him from somewhere...
He was barely grounded himself
but he wore a 4-piece suit, made of gold, shined to an ace,
matching the exterior of the church
(although the interior wasn't much)
I wondered what he looks like inside,
and if he really is the guy from the sign,
advocating for those wanting a helping hand,
for only 4 easy payments of 19.99 and
your soul as down-payment.

I listened to his lecture-
I don't know what else to call it-
he was preaching like a professor, little rushed
like he's gotta get through this lesson,
but nobody was taking notes.
I looked around and saw blank faces nodding,
like anything he says is truth, and needs no prodding
or question, no thought or contemplation.

What happened next is what awoke me.
I stared, mouth agape, at a slightly obese family sitting close,
sitting still, as motionless as their face, expressionless.
At this moment, I wanted only not to be lonely
or confused,or scared or uncertain of how long I can float,
before my body and soul fall through, hit the alter
to disturb the procession, only for a second.
I needed not to think.
Thankfully, the doors burst open at that moment
and my mom stood outside, waiting. I left,
feeling like I brushed shoulders with death.
May 2014 · 860
stranger
T May 2014
Less and less of me
is familiar, and
the more I think,
the less free I'll be,
the stranger I see
in the mirror isn't me
as much as my behavior
isn't me. Insane;
To Be Or Not To Be.

Who I am isn't characterized well
and the choice isn't plain.
Are we even given a choice?
If I am, I'll go insane.


If not, I already am.
Apr 2014 · 564
Horror Movie
T Apr 2014
No
I do not want to go
to the cinema with you
and view
a scary movie.
Yes**
I am scared
No
Sane person offers up safety
for terror.
No
I do not want to cling to you
As you stoically brave
the gore.
There is more to love than this.

Maybe
If I bury my head in your neck,
We will become one in this fake adventure
I'll link you with danger
In a hormone-infested head.
Maybe
to fall upon you is terror, itself.

Maybe
If I turn around
close my eyes
close my ears
hold my breath
think of a certain sunny beach,
The Motion Picture always haunting
will Rock and Sway
to a
Stop
let this pass.
Maybe
It's too hard to roll by
without one stray glance,
a gasp at
synaptic WonderLand.

No
I'll give you my back
Just for now.
Mar 2014 · 3.6k
Untitled
T Mar 2014
Push another button
I dare you
I'll be gone before you can mock me
for leaving.
But I'll probably stay
long enough to make it harder to leave,
And still walk away,
Forgetting to breathe.
But I remember to keep
An easy stride
so easy your pride
might not survive.

I doubt you and I
don't trust you and I
don't think you are real.
You are crazier than me:
You soak in my zeal
Run your thumb along my greatest appeal
explore the cloaked
cliffs and  plateaus, and yet
feel no love towards me.

I am too weak
To stand tall and reek
of eagerness to speak
with no constraints.
I bare my greatest pains        
to enslaved brains
that manipulate to gain
something that flows freely
from me.

At the throw of a stone,
I'll walk alone.
I'll fall and crawl and bawl alone
But I refuse to throw another bone
your way.
I might confuse again your joyfulness
as mine
and accidentally stay.

Push another button
I dare you
But I know you won't
make it so simple.
You'll plead when I run but
Still bleed as I burn
everything on my shelf
to sterilize the needle
needed to sew your brittle ego.
I weave a steady thread
of lies and secrets and hope and dread
over and under.
You won't stop bleeding
As if to say " See? You can't help me, either!".

At least I tried.
You've clutched your lies and secrets
hope and dread.
Good for you, you have held onto
your head.
Mine flips 5 times a day. ​

— The End —