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The dress left little to dream, a stained red
her sable hair veiled a porcelain skin.
A body well-toned to beauty's visage,
clinging to its youth in gentle fervor.
She danced with eyes, aloof of the madness
She danced with lips, a smile never faded.

The night felt as if it never faded,
despite that coming sunrise colored red.
With it comes a certain kind of madness:
that furtive creep and crawl under the skin,
that dark attacks all good sense with fervor,
silent beneath a cool and calm visage.

How I gazed on her elegant visage!
How she seemed to glow and never faded!
That way she danced, enthralled in sweet fervor,
twisting, turning hips below a flash of red.
How I wished a taste of that supple skin!
Temptation leading, leaning toward madness.

How hard it may prove to resist madness,
quick, short glances break a stoic visage.
The blood runs warm beneath my pale, clenched skin.
The space around her blurs, faces faded,
till nothing exists but that flaming red.
Hands convulsing in maddening fervor.

The hotel room shakes, same violent fervor,
With naught to do but give in to madness.
The bets are all off when the bull sees red!
Screams painted mute on smile-less visage.
All drowned out, all of everything faded
aside from the taste of porcelain skin.

The sheets peeled off slowly like shedded skin.
Quiet specimen, amidst the fervor,
lays unmoving on the mattress, faded,
left without signs of receding madness.
Sunrise reflected on a still visage:
Smooth porcelain, white now shadowed in red.

That desire for ripe skin, the madness
built in fervor, broke sanity's visage.
Till the smile faded, the dress stained red.
--Sestina--
I have to stop drinking again.
because I wake up with my head spinning, my stomach churning, and the acid in my heart threatening to eat through the flesh.
I have to stop crying again.
because I know you don't care, or the feel the same way anymore.
There are too many memories and why the hell did I think a bottle of wine would honestly help?
I have to stop drinking again.
before I turn back into the monster I hate or the person I tried my hardest not to become.
before I desire nothing but sitting at home drinking bottle after bottle wasting my life away.
As I sit here with my head in the toilet begging for mercy I pray to a God I don't believe in and I beg... I am begging  to get the courage to let go of this life I have created...

I  have to stop.
You kept your eyes shut for most of your life. When will you shut your mouth?
Spent months of self loathing. You hate me
I hate myself, too.
I love how well we retaliate
The way your pretty little lips are cut by the ugly words you spit out.
I pace around my room the way I did as a child.
My eyelids are folding over my body
As I roll into my flesh bed
I dream, and I dream of you
I bury the dream
And I wake up underground
I want to die;
no, actually- I want to live.
but, I want to escape
from the time that traps me
that holds me down
and suspends me underneath
the lack of ticking from the minute hand;
as the clock stares me down
not understanding what goes on in my head.
I want time to move so fast
despite my fear of the future.
I want it to pass by quick
so I wouldn't have moments that would pause completely
and the pain would linger on and on and
it would hurts so much continuously
and I'm frozen in this moment
and time isn't moving
and I can't go on
and my legs won't twitch and my heart won't beat
and I'm just stuck in this moment of complete terror and hurt and
i           don't            know          what         to                      
                                                                                do
help, me. please.
she is haunted by a beautiful sweet sadness that won't
                                                                                                 go
                                                                                                     away.
LOVE IS BLINDNESS**

I don't wanna see

                                     Can't you wrap the night

              Around
                           me?



                                     The thread is slipping
                                     The clock is ticking


                          *Love is blindness...
Jack White
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