She took this stagnant heart
And made it beat again
She made the rain clouds disperse
And the sun beam down on me
When she pressed her lips to mine,
for the first time
And I knew this was the start of forever

I'm too drunk to write poetry
And I'm lost in my thoughts
and the noise
that are surrounding me

Alcohol is flowing
Everyone is having a good time
Me, included
But I still think of you
No matter how drunk I get
Even more so, I'd say

I fell in love,
when I was about fourteen
with narcotics

****, pills, coke, lean
LSD and ecstasy
DMT and Ketamine

I love it all

Sobriety is a struggle
Because I don't know how to cope
If I can't get high,
I'm searching for the rope
To tie around my neck
and jump
to a short drop
With a sudden stop
Because I have to deal with everything
Or anything,
at all

I can't do that...
I'm not like you
I can't look past the rain clouds in my way
To get a little better view
The view has to be skewed
By acid or a mushroom
Or two, or three
maybe a few hits of DMT,
Then those clouds will move,
Maybe the world will gimme a little breathin room

I'm not even a addict
To one particular vice
I'm just an addict
For the vice of the night

what am I gonna smoke?
What am I gonna snort?
What will bring me back up
To where I was before?

I can't handle sober
It's just not in my genes
I rely on all these drugs
To make me feel like me

But you wouldn't understand
Your probably 30 years old with a 10 year plan
you're a family man, got a wife and two sons
Reading this saying "I hope they don't end up like this one"
Cause you know what?

I really don't either
I failed chemistry
But I can turn brake fluid
Into Ether

And that should tell you something
When I started this, I didn't know
About the bad world coming

Now I'm stuck so deep in this hole
I can't climb out, cause there's no hand-hold
I don't think there's a long enough pole
To reach down to the bottom and touch my soul

Now I just keep digging my self deeper
I found my love, and I know she's a keeper
But what's to keep her from leaving me?
I'm going nowhere fast and it's plain to see
Sometimes I just wanna die,
Hope a car jumps out in front of me
then I can die peacefully
Like I've always wanted,
I've put a gun to my head,
But can't pull the trigger
I'm just to cowardly...

I want to die
I want to die right now
With a rag over my face
Inhaling all the toxic chemicals
Kids found out about on Myspace
In my place,
Just my, my self, and I
Layin all up on my counter space

and I slip away

My eyes are weary,
Won't you let me sleep?
These bags don't lie
I've been up all night
and it's no secret

My head keeps falling back
My neck barely supporting it
I'm about to topple flat
And everybody's applauding it

This no sleep thing can't continue
I've ran into three doors today
And pushed one that said pull
I'm about to fall out

I am I,
I am my face, my nose, my eyes,
I am my shame, my deceit, my lies
And for my sins, I am crucified
I am I,

I am my sweat, I am my bones
I am my death, I am the rose
That grew in the grass where no one goes
I am I,

I am my brows, I am my smile
I am my own impeccable style,
I am the one that stays a while,
I am I,

I am my hand, I am my pen
I am the love letters that we sent
I'm the one who won't repent,
I am I,

For years, I've waited
For a chance to come
To hold your hand
And to call you mine
Every year I felt
Like I took another knife to my chest
But I never said anything
Because I secretly wished
That good things came
To those who waited

You see,
I always had this dark thought
That people who rushed making decisions
Would meet their doom
Just as fast as they took their chance

But more years came
And more knives I took

One year,
I saw my chance
You held it
Like it was yours
And I was very ecstatic
That no one but you held it
You grasped onto my chance
Like it was your life
Like it was the most precious thing in the world
Then, I decided not to take my precious chance
Away from you
I decided to wait for you
To offer it to me
Because that would've felt better

I decided to wait for you
To finally hold my hand
And call me yours

I decided to wait

I subliminally agreed to myself, again
That good things came to those who waited

You continued on with your life
But you still kept my chance
I wanted you to give me my chance back
But you never did...

I watched my chance come and go
I watched you give my chance away
To someone else..
I watched as you crushed my heart
And I didn't say a word
Nor did I ever tell you
That I was hurt

I just watched you take a chance
but not on me..

And all I did
was wait..
...and watch