Every morning, right at dawn
this happens before I even yawn.
Day after day, day after day,
before I even wake,
before light with my eyes I take,
the same way it goes.
Over and over and over again…
It starts with this sudden rash on my skin,
like when someone is bothered with some very deep sin.
I taste of something unpleasent, sour.
If I spit it, steel I think I’d devour.
All stiff and sore,
I get up, unwillingly I’m mumbling something gore.
I look myself in the mirror,
sheet after sheet, it just gets thicker.
My eyes ****** and black,
inside them I see, a dent, a small crack.
Day after day, day after day,
while everyone sleeps,
I pity that soul that down in the crack slowly weeps.
I watch as it gets wider and wider,
that *****, that empty hollow ditch.
I see away, try to hide the disgust.
There is no place left in me, where I’d put my own trust.
There’s no border more, between reason and lust.
It was taken by some passing windy gust,
some swarmy pile of useless dust.
Vigorously I feel fire building up in me.
Hell got upstairs again, in me I see.
It burns I can feel it,
that unscratchable itch.
I stay still, I don’t move,
only with my left cheek I twitch.

It screams.. Oh god, it does scream.
All I feel now is sorrow and pain,
just looking for things to punish and blame.
Trapped, I lost all type of sense.
Pushed from all sides, as a block of stone my heart is dense.
Oh, it does scream..
Nobody hears.
I cry, my soul is full of tears.
I look in the mirror,
I don’t recognize that guy.
Who is he? What has he become?
I hear them calling,
that’s not my name.
I look not with my eyes,
and all I see is a stranger.
Surounded by people I am alone.
“Get away you filth, begone!”
If they knew what’s in my blood,
they’d nail me on a pike, oh God.
From the bottom to top I’m filled with hate.
Nobody can’t even think of passing my gate.
My face I can’t stand to look.
Who are you stranger, you who my face took?
From me, for me I feel fear.
I’m not getting out of this void anytime near.
And I do know, that deep hate has been born
from deeper love that has been torn.

I breathe in.
I feel love and tears of joy.
I breathe out.
I cry, I laugh; The world is but a toy.

I breathe in.
I’m curious;
Just a fish looking at the hook.
I breathe out.
I want it all;
I search, I seek, I look.

I breathe in.
The river of woe,
with no warning does flow.
I breathe out.
Dissapointed and confused,
I boldy look for the More.

I breathe in.
Down and up and up and down,
I am still standing.
I breathe out.
Now I know,
that I know nothing.

I breathe in.
I passed the test;
I found love, made it work.
I breathe out.
I’m just glad that there still is road.

I breathe in.
The road does have holes;
That’s how it is, we are just in our roles.
I breathe out.
One day it will be past,
I am true, so it can last.

I breathe in.
I found my soul.
I breathe out.
I find that all we need is just in the plain and small.

I breathe in.
I get my love, I set sail.
I breathe out.
Oh, I have not a single regret.

I breathe in.
The time has passed, only memories are left.
I breathe out.
No more I move, no more I have breath.

I turn back only to see
that my shadow is eating me.
It’s not the same you see,
my dreams and reality.
All the time I wish you here,
but what would I do if you really were here?
I wake up to the mirror only to see,
shards of my broken reality.
I see my reflection,
reflection of my shadow eating me.
I can’t stop my crave for you.
What can I do?

Do you ever feel closed?
Do you ever wonder what’s out there?
Or you are just stuck on who and why and where?
You swallow it all, are you ever opposed?
Does it scare you when you are exposed?

Do you lust for the things behind the wall?
Do you ever cry down and pray,
that you may see more, atleast for a day?
Can you stand alone, or you are just somebody’s thrall?
Can you grasp the thing, that you are small?

Can you imagine nothing?
Do you have a hole that needs to be filled?
What will be of you if in this instant you are killed?
Do you ever feel the insides of your skull buzzing?
Do you think salvation lies in the den of our loving?

What is your purpose, what are you for?
Did ever, that question took your breath?
Is there a diffrence between life and death?
Did you ever want to break out and explore?
Is there a thing in your life that you want to adore?

At the thought of these questions I shake to the bone.
My puzzled desires to know can never sit on a chair.
I need them satisfied like I need air.
I’m just a thing that wants all sides to be shown.
I just want to get a scope to the unknown.

Will you hear this song I made for,
for the man that wanted more?
He’s been the one that keeps the rows,
he’s the one that promised to never break his vows.
The man that stands on the gate,
the one that thought that could twist fate,
he’s been the one that holds his ground,
knowing he is punched round by round.
For the better good he kept it all,
he thought that meant strong, he stood tall.
He never pinched, he never let out,
never screamed, he didn’t shout.
He’s the man that kept the bubble from bursting out.
But now, now something’s changed.
Now all he can see is that he is caged.
He has seen now that he’s been pressed and pressed.
He has seen now all the things that got him messed.
A locked animal constantly whipped,
his heart is dark, from the inside-out it is ripped.
The one that floats,
the one that thought to take all roads,
he’s been laying on the lake,
with nothing more to give or take.
The dark waters echo from underneath,
the sun shines, fills him with heat.
He broke off from the strings,
all he can hear now is how the bell rings.
The man has seen now that more is not what he needs.
All will come if from the soul he does his deeds.
More is not anymore, that which he wants to seek.
Everything is the same, looking from the peak.
The man that was stone and hard leather,
he now simply lays on the water, light as a feather.

I’ve been thinking night and day,
been wondering where does your heart lay.
Please, can I know if I may?
I’m troubled with it, what can I say.
What do you think before you sleep?
What desires does your locked heart keep?
What do you wish? What do you want?
What is that, that keeps you wake at night?

Are you happy? Are you full?
Do you hug your blanket, do you tug in?
Does something spoil you, make you a kid?
Do you feel warmth under your skin?
Do you get vibes along your bones?
Is there somebody that shakes your knees?
Does somebody puts you at ease?
Who is that, that holds your keys?

Do you feel love? Are you satisfied?
Are there colors in your belly?
Do your thoughts taste like cherry?
Do you see stars in someplace else?
Who is that, that rings your bells?
Where is the keyhole, to your soul?
What is that, that makes you give in and kneel?
Do you feel, like I feel?

My heart is with you,
but where does that heart of yours lay?

Rooted in my howling void,
Where am I? It’s empty, I’m devoid.
I’m lost, in this chasm trapped.
Why? Oh, why did this mess in me I kept?
A monster lies with me.
Its shadow on mine is tied.
It grows, eating me piece by piece.
Together we coincide.
I’m not gone, on his fangs I spit.
I’m also feeding on it.
What is this that is within?
I’m in me with my evil twin.

Chained by a chain.
I’m waiting in vain,
bothered by pain,
it’s hard to maintain,
harder to explain.
The same I can not remain.
Definetly, I’m going insane.
I’m not walking the same lane.
It’s not the same rain.
It is not so clean and plain..
I’m shadowed by feign,
that gives me a big **** stain.
I can not attain,
I can not obtain,
I can not retain
my now twisted sane.
Oh, it’s so inhumane,
I’m going profane,
I’m turning mundane.
What? Oh, what am I doing to my last grain?
In me live Abel and Cain.
This monster I can’t restrain,
it hits me over and over like a train.
It continues it’s reign…
I can not regain
the long lost ripped up rein.
No more do I pertain.
This monster I can’t get slain!

When was I shot?
Do I have to rot?
Oh, who do I blame?
For that gnarly flint that came..
The arrow of that little cupid,
got me clear and lucid.
You widened my pupils.
Messed up all my scruples.
Oh god, I have no more doubt.
Nothing left to think about.
I got water on my drought,
I let my flower rise and sprout.
You sit there and you shine.
I got vibes all along my spine.
I can feel nothing of mine,
You make me gaze, make me pine.
I’m not in my maze, I’m just fine.
I got an itch, that requires a stitch.
I’m out of the ditch, but I won’t twitch
You knocked me all the way down.
With your eyes, hazely brown.
Your smile melts me down.
Black hair, black gown,
made of the night sky’s lonely frown.
How do I not look?
There’s no letting of the hook.
I’m going to put it in my book,
oh, my eyes you shook, you took.
I gotta grab on tight,
on your bright blinding light,
stand in your sight, be on your side.
And just might,
Everything’ll be allright.
You got me mesmerized,
My senses vaporized.
Like a gapeseed I stare,
oh, how do I dare?
You widened my eye,
oh no, I do not lie.

Oh god, I can not see.
It’s all starting to get blurry to me.
Face to face, everything’s the same,
it seems I’m out of the game.
There is no diffrence between right and wrong.
This is not the same old happy song.
Walking the street,
don’t know who to greet.
They’re all moving sticks,
as long as m’ clock ticks.
Maybe there’s something good,
’cause I don’t got no more mood.
Lost my inner goose,
got nothing to lose.
All the gates are shut,
working on my gut.
This somehow might be right,
but I’m still losing my sight.

It’s raining here,
and it won’t stop.
I was waiting in fear,
soaked like m’ nana’s mop

I’m cold, I’m shaking,
my legs are trembling.
I’ve got no more heat,
and my hands ‘r like a dead-beat.

I pulled ‘em out,
of m’ leather pockets,
what will I see,
frozen chicken nuggets.

All blushed up,
hard like a brick,
all freezed up,
rollin’ like a stuffed up *****.

Pulled my hat up,
got my jacket tight,
from thumb to toe,
I was like the reaper Joe.

Trying to warm ‘em,
trying to rub ‘em,
but they are more stiff,
than an ice-cold shiv.

I need something
to make ‘em move again,
I need to feel your
warmth, dear woman.

They’ll start moving,
they’ll be bouncing,
they’ll get red,
and I won’t be sad.

Just get me in,
I promise I’ll behave,
I’ll do what I’m told,
just get me out of this cold.

I got a girl and she’s a wreck!
she’s chaos and she’s crack,
a living angel with a wicked soul!
a precious stone that shines dusk and dawn

She’s in a fuss, she can’t sleep
she weeps in her dream,
distressed from man’s (ugly) pest
that thorned up her flower crest

But i can’t help, cuz i’m far away
but baby trust me that one day
I’ll move mountains and be there!
Clean all the filth and bump your heart
so you can blossom into the,
most beautiful ever thing..

Your smile will be the sun
making everybody fuzzy and warm
your calm will be the moon
faintly whispering passion’s storm
embracing all that’s right and wrong

Out of the shadow that clouds your star,
you’ll not need heaven, not need hell,
you’ll have me and you’ll have you,
doing all that fills up,
that hole, in your soul,
wearing the crown all day long
by my side like Bonnie and Clyde.

Again and again,
pound after pound,
it hits with all it can,
all of light, fire and sound.
You won’t catch a breath.
You won’t get a break.
You’ll be sinking, drowning,
in a bottomless lake.
It will not ask if you’re cold or not;
It will just shovel ice with all it’s got.
Is it worth it? Keeping your breath?
Or you’ll give up when that’s what you get?
I’m not here to tell right from wrong;
We are all dancing to that same song.
I do agree it’s all a mess..
It will all end the same, nevertheless.
Can a little wait hurt?
After the clouds are gone
and the sun is out,
you’ll see that the wind,
it was worth after all that pound.

My body, numb, weighing on the floor,
not listening to me, drowned in the corner;
It stares in the dim wall, doesn’t move,
while the fingers crawl towards the half-open door.

Time, sun and shame,
cracked the wall, dripping colorful sweat;
Wallpaper ripped, shivers freely in the air,
as wind whistles from the cracked window frame.

The singing window crack,
for a moment, lights the wallpaper dark damp;
One over the other, they perfectly fit,
only for a second, the sun can’t wait.

A scratched blurry flower,
from long ago, rests on the wall;
Paints color to the tears, from the crack that fall.

The rotten wood on the window frame,
from long ago, it’s eaten away;
Dry rotten specks, from the crack on the wind sway.

In light, dust and drops one become,
the sun looks, so a vapor wave in the air it is shook;
It fills the room with smell of life and bloom;
Two cracks, one become;
And all they get, is a light a day.