I bet you wish you were surrounded by all this ***** begging for your attention,writhing all over you for affection.

Clearly I mean cats.

God,I'm lonely.

Ouch, there it is
A real feeling
BANG

I am the picture of Zen
I know where I'm going
I know what I'll not do again

I am the picture of grace
Despite the erratic
I'll bare my face

I am the picture of calm
Though I'm hurt
I sound no alarm

I am the picture of apathy
Because I'll smile
While not happy

I am the picture of free
Because you won't see it
When you lose me

I fly so close to the sun
Mantra,"what have I done?"
Together we come
But left feeling numb

Who am I anyway
Flitter through clouds on a heavy day
We can find a better way
**** what anybody say

Fly a little closer
I want to pursue this
"Can I get to know you?"
"What's your name miss?"

"hi,my names A Mistake"
I'll watch your heartbreak
I'm fake
A ****** up little reprobate

You are all I've ever wanted
All I want to know
But my mind is so haunted
Love is all I want to show

You're all I could ever need
Because when I look into your eyes
I can feel my heart bleed
A little more of myself do I despise

I know that I'm a **** up
And that I can't take back what I've done
Know that I can buck up
Let me show you what I can become

No amount of words can undo the damage
No amount of apologies either
Because inside I'm a savage
But of true love you made me a believer

I wish that I could do for you
What you do for me
Because what I feel is true
But I don't know how to make you see

Please don't let the drunken creep
Destroy all we could attain
Without you I'm a broken heap
Irrational,barely sane

So please don't go & leave me here
Please don't give up please
I beg you baby because its what I fear
I beg you,I'll grovel on my knees

They say ignorance is bliss
But how about this
Like minus touch its to be cursed
In a way that's much worse

If you are robbed do you not become waery
Stolen trust can be scary
Broken minds can be lairy
Broken hearts but you dare,see

Forgiving is a gift
But ignorance isn't
You can notice fact
Or pretend that you didn't

You can walk away
Or ignore it and stay
A dangerous game that you play
I just need to say if I may

Ignorance is to be cursed
In a way that's much wosre
Ignorance is not bliss
Something more you might miss

One day three months

She still gives me goosebumps

To look at her my heart thumps

My friend grows when blood pumps

I lose my words and my mind skips

Hands caress her perfect hips

I love to press  my own to her lips

I even love her snail trail drips

You cannot commit suicide
Because its not a crime
When you can no longer hide
Knowing you'll never be good enough may as well stand as a sign

Block the view of all hope
take the rope,take the rope

When you can't even talk about it

"Nobody would miss you"
Repeated like a mantra

Nobody actually cares
They just want to give out false hopes and trap you in snares
I'd rater be mauled by bears

The light of life seems nothing more than a glimmer
Coated in a shadow so dark it consumes
Relentlessly eating at happiness

"Yeah,
I can laugh
Becasuse I'm a joke
You can laugh too,
I couldn't be any more broke"

"I can sleep
But never rest
Drink myself deep
To help with pressure in the chest"

Standing in the eye of this storm
Knowing a step in any direction
Only brings me closer to death

"I'm fine,really"

Slam the door
*I won't be a burden anymore

I traded cuts in flesh for the needle & ink
It still hurts it still marks my skin
I now have marks that make me think
Rather than memories of self destructive sin

No longer do I get looks of disgust
But remarks on the pretty images
No more acts of distrust
No more strangers and stitches

I do miss the danger
the claret and pain
I feel like a stranger
Without a blade in a vien

**** it ima start smoking **** again
Longing for that perfect state of zen
I need not know where I am or where I been
I like viewing life like a ******* dream

I need to calm my ******* ****
I been tearing my my mind into ******* bits
Mindview isn't well where it sits
I'm having ******* daily fits

As much as I wanna be left the **** alone
I know that I have grown
And love I should have shown
But I can be calm without the stonned

My mind is like a battle field
Who can tell what is trauma and what is real
What's the ******* deal?
I cant even enjoy a ******* meal

All I ever do is drink and sniff drugs
As if its a fine replacement for caring hugs
Run in with groups of thugs
It could be so much better with a couple nugs

Blaze some of the good stuff
Feel rough,tough and have a couple puff
To knowing its more than enough
Move on but hold on to love

When people ask "why I do what I do"
I say " the answers right beside you"
Yet it is like a haiku
Give an honest answer but I can lie too

The better question is "why do you do what you do"
If the answer is voodoo
I can say " well who knew"
But I can see right through you.

Went to a field secluded enough
With my Daisy spent time in the buff
Made love slow but also rough
Multiple sqirts she soaked me with the stuff

She moaned and groaned like never before
Breath slow and heavy left dents in the floor
I wish I could explain with more than lore
After that ecstasy I'm craving more

Isn't it strange,how after the fact so many people will say how they miss a person they they had no time for in their lifetime.

Isn't it strange how some terminal things such as marriage are celebrated but others such as alcoholism are scorned.

Isn't it strange how acts of emotion such as kindness are reward,where an equal amount of anger is abhorrent.

Isn't it strange how we can talk to a few people but a stranger is awkward.

Isn't it strange how we congratulate lives beginning but mourn the deaths.

Isn't it strange that we have a complex system of sounds to symbolise emotions we hardly understand.

Isn't it strange that we keep animals that see us as no more than squawking chimps as pets and become emotionally invested in them even though they see us as no more than food bearers.

Isn't it strange that we poison ourselves and say its fun but living healthily is seen as a chore.

Isn't it strange how much we try to connect yet still stand apart.

Life is indeed strange,and people are stranger.

The best thing about juggling
Is hanging with my friends
On the days I'm struggling
They're there to make amends

We spend our time in laughter
Learning tricks with different tools
Sit and chill much after
To others we look like fools

But we don't care,we are us
And that's how its supposed to be
The smallest victory worth a fuss
We are wild and we're free

The gloy of the better men
Enjoy a line of ketamine

Gotta love that dreamy haze
Inside your mind like a maze

I could stay here for days and day
I love the feeling,in so many ways

Its pure bliss to tranquilize
To see so much without your eyes

Forget what I do despise
From fear and doubt to the lies

Warriors of a dreamscape plane
Enjoying life outside time frame

Don't worry,I won't go insane
But I may melt more than half my brain

I want to give you the best of me kind of love
The rest of me kind of love
Always next to me kind of love

If love is blind I'll write you letters in brail
I'll remove all the lovers memories in a yard sale
I'll give you everything and when I fail

I'll carry you in the bags under my eyes
Open them just to counts the why's
And lie

Tell myself I'll be okay
Day after day
It'll be okay

But it wont

Each stitch pulled is when I can drift back to my love,lady death.caress her face and promise her I won't be long
The eyelets open once more from a deep slumber
Hoping that their tears will make it all numb
Two hearts once sewn rip as they pull away
And the pain is quite intolerable
I may not ever leave this dark place again
Don't leave me here alone to die with no way of ever exiting
Short of taking the key to the eyes of my arm and going deeper
Finding that one good spot until no more claret comes forth
But instead light spill out from my being
Warmth fills my mind
I'm going where I belong

Deep within the dark forest walking
I can hear its breath,see the shadows stalking
Fear has taken over spaces in my mind it is caulking
Must stay calm,to myself I am talking

Twigs are breaking,leaves are shuffled
Cannot scream,cup hand to mouth so its muffled
Owl hoots,feathers ruffled
Stepping backwards,I trip over body duffled

Who is this cadaver,who could it be?
The rest of mind thinking,"I'm glad its not me"
Then I hear the noises from a tree
The glisten of my fate thereafter do I see

With no time to spare I turn and start to run
Thinking of myself "what if its not the only one?"
The sound of solitary bullet from a gun
Dizziness, blood loss, I accept that I am done

A single tear,
Rolls down the contour of his cheek.
Not knowing its origin ,
Other than that it had slipped from the duct.
Was this sadness?was it the beginning or an end?
He didn't know,nor did he want to dwell on it.
Attempting to fix the mind firmly on nothingness,
Assimilating thought processes to the black hole that stole his joy,his heart,his everything.
Focusing on the breeze rustling leaves,
Imagining the sound of a shaken soul.
Stolen by the thoughts he wished to escape,
Truely he was his own worst tormentor.
This was to be another day abscent of being free,
Trapped in a vessel that only serves to bring itself pain.

Sometimes I wonder why its so nice to have a chick sit on my face
Then again it maybe because my ever moving tounge has found its rightful place
I don't have to say a word but I'm still granted grace
And for your information,yes,I do like lace

Meddow
Light breeze
Blue sky
White trees
No one knows
What no one sees
Never showing
Anxieties

First word
Fist kiss
One shot
Don't miss
Intertwined
Become bliss
Described as
Happiness

A moment
A held hand
From there
Wedding band
Soon time
Grains of sand
Then old
Last stand

What does 322
Mean to you?
Who is who?
Because they do

Rich men
A spiders web
What happens when
And Geronimos head

An owl that was a bull
Controlled chaos disaster
Their clubs are full
Plus one worshipful master

There are less shadows
When you look toward the sun
I cannot wait for longer days
Where I can juggle and have fun

...being hit with a brick in the chest
So hard that it knocks the oxygen out of your lungs
The feeling of suffocation,struggling to catch your breath.

In the absence of her the brick resides within my sternum
Weighing so heavily I struggle to hold myself up
Leaning forward I can feel my soul pouring out.

To look at her is to still the brain
Much like an aneurism,drooling from the brain damage
That only a perfect creature such as she can cause.

I'm fatally in love and it hurts
But I couldn't walk away from it even if I wanted to
I'm addicted and she is my ******.

Even on the joy filled days,
I can get very low and very lonely.
When my spirit breaks,friends are absent,
And I can't even talk to my one and only.

So I drink until I'm too drunk to stay awake,
The only brief reprieve I can depend on.
I wondered if I died today,
How long would it take anyone to notice I'm gone?

At least I have my alcohol,
It'll always be by my side.
And even if it kills me,
At least it gave me time for an awesome ride.

The best looking macaroon
Is it too soon
To swoon
Over your macaroon

I've never been fussed on savory or sweet
But I don't want meat
Just a heart beat
We should meet

In the darkness of night
Bask in your light
While deep and tight
With all my might

I love your macaroon

Striking lovers against the heart like matches
Leaving no mark on it but a small abrasion
Watching them burn out to ebony charcoal

Under the flesh,creeping crawling
Within the head,voices calling
Body numb,a sense of falling
Blank dark eyes,inside he brawling

Demons penetrate all that's real
The mind screams,"why can't I heal?!"
The fear and dread,to them a meal
Between this and numbness,cannot feel

Without you there is no light
I couldn't brave the days that are all night
To think that you could slip from my sight
Tooth and claw I would fight

You are the one I hold dear
You are the one I want near
You are the love that casts out fear
Without you,lonely as a single tear

Tiny serrated knife
Taking the stress from my life

You need no thanks for what you can do
You rip,tear and get me through

You help me cry without tears
You comfort me through all my fears

You are my best friend
Purpose pure,let's not pretend

You give me another option you know
As you move through me to and fro

Please don't ever go
In fact let's make the next one slow

Play my arm as a violin
During battle I can't win
Never drunk enough,need more gin
Open up another tin

Self destructive path I chose
A way out I want but who knows
As the feeling heaps and grows
Not enough highs for all the lows

Door to exit but no key
******* mind,let me be
Cut it deeper,set me free
A yard of rope,swings from the tree

No more wanting,lets be straight
Open up that **** flood gate
A tidal wave of self hate
When you can't even summon will to *******

*******,ugly ******* mind
No love for self anywhere to find
Hanious actions when I rewind
When looking forward just a grind

My greatest romance is with death
Long to be berethed of breath
cook with chaos like a chef
Set the tempo,treble clef