When I awake
Early on a winter’s morning
I creep about my house
Straining to soften the creak of the floorboards
Determined not to wake the others

My dazed heads snuffles
As I potter from toilet to bathroom
Bathroom to kitchen

And then
I am taken by surprise
As I catch a glimpse
Of pink, purple, orange, blue and grey,
The golden outline of the new sun's edge
Through my window

And I stand there
Still
In my dressing gown and slippers
A silent witness
Heart swelling with joy
At this precious moment
When I am alone
With this unique sunrise

I, alone
Claim this beauty
As my own

This is my time
My precious alone time
When I am most me

Wondering like 'the mole'
At the impossible beauty of it all

Quietly
Rests
The dark earth
Beneath silver moonlight
Sodden
Breathing
Ancient

I realise
That I don’t quite belong
That I don’t fit
A certain kind of lifestyle

I am different now

I am uncertain about many things

I only know myself well enough
To know that I am not who I was
And not who others thought I would become

What I am doing is waiting
To find out who I am
And who I will become in the future

I am aware that I don’t fit
Into any of the usual boxes

And if that makes it difficult to cast me
In any of the existing parts

Then, so be it

Birds rely upon trees
Trees rely upon rain
Rain relies upon sun
To warm the oceans
And lift the water

On each other we depend
We are inextricably intertwined
There is no separate
Only togetherness

I do this
Because I choose this
I want to
Because I need to

The other way
To sit and wait
For hurricanes
And wolves

I choose this
To meet you
To work each day
And rise early

To challenge t
The tiredness
Of body
And of mind

I do this
Because I choose this
To try and think
What can be done

I do this
Because I want to
This hardship
Is no hardship

It is honour
Challenge
Opportunity
A wonder

So if my shoulders hunch
And Im feeling tense
So what, I say
I choose this

I know that gifts
Await me
I do this
I choose this

To live this
I choose this
To do this
With dignity

We are on the brink
We must fight to survive
We must fight to live

Our energies collide
But we must not turn them to fire
Fire which burns all in its path

We must cool the meshing waves
And turn them to creation
And ask ourselves
Why do we do it?

We must awaken
Our deepest morality

Mine our consciousness
To create coexistence

Never should our bodies turn to arms
Never should we destroy life

Smiles and laughter alone
Should decorate the faces of the young
As they gallop into the future

Those who have exploited others
Must repay them

Those who have done wrong
Must put it right

Those who promote imbalance
Must rebalance

We must find a way
To create a home for everyone

The natural earth is our joy and guide
The very birds and flowers
Rivers and seas cushion us from our basest desires

The diversity of nature
Shows us the way

The fine balance of nitrogen oxygen
Argon and carbon dioxide
In our air
Allows us to breathe and metabolise

We are loved, embraced, nurtured
By our universe

We must fight
Endure
Struggle
And work
For our very future

First frost
Clings to tufts of winter green grass.
I am running
Running to feel
Something else.
I awoke sweating at 2.30am
On this Sunday morning
My mind in over driven panic
Just because
I have to face my future
My mind groans
Will I be this way for ever?
Will I ever break through?
I coax myself back towards the respite of sleep
And then I wake, knowing I cannot lie alone with my thoughts
They are not my friends.
So I get up
Wash up
Go running.
I meet people
Collect my daughter
Run errands
All, to stop the waterfall of my fear
As night time once more, draws near
And another week looms.
I occupy myself
Once again with things to stem
The tide of my subtext.
First frost
And a bird sings
So beautifully.

Rip me from the *****
That nourishes me

Separate me
From safety

Deposit me in
Whirlpools of unfamiliarity

Stare down at me
With cold eyes

Breathe the air that floats between us
As if you are more deserving of it

And then you
Will cause me to feel
Shame

Take me to the playground
And drop me in
Circles of torment

Expose me
De-clothe me

Ridicule me
Pinch me and scrape me

Hurl your
Bullying fists

Because the heart you possess
Is that of a frightened child

Because you perpetrate
That which you dread

Shame

Though hot blood pumps
Through your temples
Thumping like a kettle drum
As you stand on the precipice

Though you strut as champion
Of a small world
Master of
A frail castle

In your bed
White fever  
Grips your throat in the middle of the night

And bad dreams
Clutch your organs
Piercing them with fire

And you feel

Shame

The quivering impotence
Of being the one who
Shames
Others

And the emptiness
And the loneliness

Are more awful
Than the temporary relief
Of the bullying

For you are alone

And you carry
This great weight

Until one day
You unpack
Your burden

And ask
Why?

Why do I do this?

Why am I alone?

Why?

Life to life
Face to face
We
Are companions
Together
Forever

We brave
The winter swell
And despite
Physical weariness
Go out
To the world.

I want
To lie down
But there are
Things to do
And things to be done

Living and working
All on the run

Like meeting the train
To meet an old friend
To hear of
Four generations
Of women in a single family
In a single picture

I ponder the strangeness
Of this reality
And concentrate
To perceive
The brilliance
Of human
Endeavor

Some days
I am like a tiny stick
Carried atop the currents
Of a rushing river

Other days
I am like a stake
Firm grounded
Leaning into the force
And causing waves
To part

What are you supposed to be?
It’s an interesting question
It sits in front of me
Uncompromising
There’s no doubt that I am who I am
But is who I am
Who I want to be?

Do not quail
At the task ahead of you
Just complete it
Step by step

Be a lion
Not a mouse
Get to know yourself
And become stronger than ever

Build a backbone of iron
And do not bend
Before the eight winds

For solutions are in the air
They just need to be found
And tapped

To have a seeking spirit
Is the way to live
And achieving victory
Brings joy

The sky is like the sea

Golden stripes  
Blended with orange
Clouds like white horses
Decorating a mauve canopy

Three birds race across this magnificent vista
And in the distance flocks dance

A hazy mist lies above the sea line
And I feel lucky to be alive

Around the corner
A view more spectacular
Than I could ever imagine

Thin parcels of rainbow light
Straw coloured fields
Above the swirly firmament

I wonder what life is created there?
Only the birds know

I journey from the sea to the city
And the show of Autumn colours changes

Towers of trees
Rivers of light
Replaced by standing steels
Monuments of humanity
Some swathed in spirit
Others bedecked with hunger

A silent city
Devoid of people
Would tell its own history

But today is Friday
And the streams of humanity
Flow together
Once more

Even though
I thought I was done for
The sun has warmed me

The flame of my faith
I thought extinguished
Burns on

Even though the heavy clouds
Of my confusion and my delusion
Gathered and swirled
To obscure the truth
And the gusts of complaints
Have shaken my branches
To the very core

I am still here

My roots in the earth
Breath in my lungs
A beat in my heart

Even though
I thought I was at war
Anger has gone
Driven to nought

Strange and mysterious
Unfathomably curious
New hope
Arises
From hidden depths
Of places unvisited

Like the secret of the universe
Impossibly possible
Hope arises

Happiness exists between us
Like oxygen
I can’t see it
But it is there

Like an umbilicus
It connects us

Like a circle
It has no beginning
And no end

Happiness exists between us
Without you
I couldn’t be happy

Even the islands
Are surrounded by sea
And the earth joins the sky
And the sky encircles the moon

I could never be happy just on my own
So its you
That I send my happiness to

I couldn’t be happy without you
Nor could I be sad
In fact I couldn’t be human without you
No matter what you do
I will be glad

Roots grow
beneath walls
Intertwining
As if
Holding hands

The barriers we build
Separate us from each other

Yet, roots pass under, fearlessly
Birds fly over naturally

For you and I
Some doors seem impenetrable
Forever closed

My roots
Pass beneath your walls

And your soul flies like a bird
Above my barriers

When we die
There is no more separation

We will be one
We are one

Spider man hoods
Limp pallid elders
Obese wheelchair pushers
Hot dog munchers
Sunglasses
Clouds
Donut aroma
Sugary slush
Blond hair and piercings
Missing teeth
Leggings
Teenage haircuts
Flashing lights
Flags
Fat arses
False fingernails
Wailing sirens
Round we go
Round we go
Ice cream and stomach aches
Muddy beaches
Calliope
Tattoos and cleavage
Buckets of candy floss
Helter skelter
Midriffs and teeth
Give me a wave
Or give me a wink
Chips and mayonnaise
**** fake cigarettes
Piercings and seagulls
Buttocks and shorts
Brand new trainers
Beer guts
High heels
Scars and pop music
Screaming rapture
Moonlight and buggies
Exhausted children
Sunlight
Sunset
Nighttime
Sleep

How do we want our children to live?
Must it be the same way as us?
Did we succeed in showing the way?
Or should we be seeking an alternative path?

Our planet is green, blue and kind
The air all around is fair and mild
The creatures beside us are full of great beauty
The earth is a miracle home to the trees

How do we want our children to live?
Must it be the same way as us?
Did we succeed in showing the way?
Or should we be seeking an alternative path?

Our industries build still more powerful weapons
The leaders talk of building up walls
The money men force us to pay higher prices
Whilst profiting daily from eternal wars

How do we want our children to live?
Must it be the same way as us?
Did we succeed in showing the way?
Or should we be seeking an alternative path?

Our seas fill up with plastic pollution
Our cities require that you wear a mask
Our reactors leak waste that will damage your baby
They frack the land brutally to quench their thirst

How do we want our children to live?
Must it be the same way as us?
Did we succeed in showing the way?
Or should we be seeking an alternative path?

The sun rises daily to show us our weakness
The moon weeps at night as we lie in our beds
The stars ask us questions to trouble our conscience
The galaxy waits for the next generation

How do we want our children to live?
Must it be the same way as us?
Did we succeed in showing the way?
Or should we be seeking an alternative path?

Work
Work
Work
Work
Work

I have forgotten
How
To play

My love

You share
Your bed
Only
With me

We break
Our bread
And share

We bathe
And wash
Together

You wear
My clothes
Even my jeans

You argue
With me
More than anyone

You are fierce
With me
Though you are kind
To others

You plan with me

You push and berate me

You drink with me

You age with me

You
Inherit
Me

And

I
Inherit
You

Your tooth came out tonight
You tongue is slipping through
The gap where once your old tooth sat
And speaking’s harder too

You placed it underneath a pillow
Now dreams can fill your head
I’ll switch the tooth for a two pound coin
That you’ll find there instead

I’ll write a note fromTooth Fairy
To say that she has been
She’ll build her house from fallen teeth
And keep them nice and clean

Today’s mess
Is
Tomorrow’s problem

When does life really begin?

If I were to ask the trees
They might say

Push your roots down
And steady yourself
The stronger you are
The longer you will live

If I were to ask the birds
They might say

Never settle in one place for too long
You should always seek
Something better
And push on
To new places

If I were to ask the sea
She would sigh and laugh
And perhaps reply

Life has no beginning
It has no end

If I were to ask the moon
It would say

Shine brightly while you can
For light fades to darkness
And all is changing

And if I were to ask the winds
They would moan and tell me

That is for you to find out

Thoughts
Have
Power

My thoughts
Are mine

Yours
Are yours

Am I selling my thoughts?
Are they worth more than yours?

Are you paying for my thoughts?
Am I paying for yours?

Do you own me?
Do you own what I think?

Do I think I own you?
Do I think I own my own thoughts?

Whose thoughts belong to who?

Who owns
Intellectual
Property?

Come sleep
And cradle me
In your tender arms

Release me
From the sadness of my day
And take me
As your lover

Come sleep
Feed me soft wine
To restore my battered soul
Welcome me to your gondola
And float with me gently
Far from this place

Come sleep
Decorate my dreams
With tender kisses
And loving embraces

Lift me from
My cold isolation
And free me from my torments

Come sleep
Robe me in the clothes of a king
And shower heavenly gifts upon me

Let me revel
In a land of fantasy
Just for tonight

That I may live again
Tomorrow

Go
Flo
Rip
Lip
Wiggle
Tiggle
Smash
Dash

Groove
Move
Hup
Pup
Slide
Ide
Dive
Clive

Push
Nush
Tickle
Lickle
Love
­Dove
Bounce
Ounce

Daz
Jazz
Big
Dig
Slip
Pip
Trip
Hip

Hop
Pop
Grind
Mind
Telly
Belly
Hell
Tell

Oz
Loz
Stone
Bone
Big
Wig
­Tic
Nic

Danny
*****
Granny
Manny
Wimp
Imp
Rib
Dib

Dace
Mace
Lace
Race
Fire
Ire
Flat
Face

The journey towards happiness
Is beset with twists and turns
Ups and downs
Highs and lows

It is a journey
Of struggles and challenge
Effort and toil

And not a destination

Remaining still and quiet
In even the most tranquil place
After a while can become hellish

Rejoicing wildly at the nearest peak
For too long
Becomes hollow

We need to move
Explore, contribute, take others with us
To change the world around us

And in doing so
We can move and change our inner world
Becoming happy
Together with others

Broken sleep
Sweating
Troubles
Shouting

Self flagellation
Professional
Life

Great propulsion
Modern day greed

Perspiration
Shouting
Broken sleep

Friendship
Laughter
Love
Kindness

Strangers
Lovers
Passio­n
***

Two nails
Driven
Through
Troubled childhood

Cysts
Twisting
Aching
Burst

Liberty
Marriage
Brotherhood
Death

Control
Comfort
Softness
Care

Inequ­ality
Separateness
Loneliness
Dread

Sadness
Despair
Aching
Spend­

Bitter
Regret
Hope
Grunt

Broken sleep
Perspiration
Troubles
Shouting

21st Century
Luxury
Living

21st Century
Living
Death

A tired fly
Flew past my nose
Its buzz was low
Its speed was slow
It drifted through the heavy air
I know, I saw it go
On by

The cat was sleeping
On a chair
Just lying there
Without a care

Until the fly flew past her nose
To end her doze
The cat she froze

Her green eyes widened
And turned all cold
As cold as gold
If truth be told

The tired fly
Went buzzing by
The cat’s white nose
And I suppose
The cats intention
Was to try
And catch that fly
As it went by

Her paws ****** out
In desperate throttle
To try and ****
The winged bluebottle

The fly escaped
Its hum got higher
Its flight got faster
The cat chased after

Round and round the room they went
The cats neck bent
And furiously sent
The fly on high
Above sharp claws
As she flipped and pawed
The clever fly soared

Until at last
The cat did stop
And off did trot
Like she cared not

To catch a much less mobile snack
Her cat food sat
Upon her mat

The fly is drifting overhead
Its buzz all low
It’s flying slow
And watching out for battle two
When cat is through
With chewing food

And so it goes on every day
Some get away
Some like to play

The cat and fly
They both still try
To take their chance
In life's great dance

I cannot deny
That the edge is near
I navigate
A tightrope
Wobbling as I go

The sun rises again
Always there
Golden
Magnificent
Warming a twelve foot blanket of mist
That hugs the earth

As long as the sun rises
Nature knows what to do
Birds fly
Plants grow
Horses chew the grass
As long as the sun rises

If only the sun would rise
In my life

I would glow
I would grow
I would survive
I would thrive

I would be happy

I’ve grown tired of waiting
For another to shine

Now
I must shine
Alone

Can’t please nobody
Whatever I do
Everyone got somethin’
To tell me, it’s true

People keep yellin’
"Do this!
Do that!
But don’t even
Think about
Goin’ near that!"

Can’t please nobody
Though I try and I try
Sometimes I wanna
Jes' lay down and die

"You’d betta think
‘Bout what you gon’ do
Coz everything
Gonna come right back
On you!"

Can’t please nobody
Whatever I say
But livin’ in chains
Jes' won’t win me the day

I’m gonna break out
And be who I choose
Even if doin so
Give me the blues

I am a man
Who gon’ live my life free
Voices keep yelling!
S’no **** thing to me

Can’t please nobody
Whatever I do
Everyone got somethin’
To tell me s’true

On a number thirteen
London routemaster bus

A passenger
Once asked
The bus conductor

‘How are you?’

‘I’m enjoying life’
He replied
‘Enjoying life’

I was a school boy
And my bus travelled steadily
Along the Finchley road

The conductor rang the bell
Twice
To signal the driver
And then he whistled a tune

He was happy

And for the duration of our journey
We were too

Beyond
I have travelled
Beyond

Beyond
The boundaries
Of former experience
Into uncharted territory

And I have found
Not myself

Not another
No deity
No mysticism
No other

Just
Space

There is truth to be found in all things
The old man cleaning ******* from train platforms
Steam rising from ice cold ponds at sunrise
Frost clasping the tall grasses
The orange, pink and blue of morning skies
Glittering sea channels weaving through mud flats
A father and daughter walking to the bus stop hand in hand
Magpies flying overhead, dancing and swooping
Concentric circles appearing as moorhens paddle
A brave jogger running eastwards
My daughter, sleepy, resting in bed
My wife looking at me inquisitively
My own reflection in the glass
I notice such things
And I ponder their beauty
As I try to deeply understand
The nature of things

Swaying parallel lines
Tender white waves
Smooth curves of earth
Tall green stems

Soaring apparitions
Reflected perspectives
Voyaging vessels
Large and small

A collection of separate desires
All obeying the sun
Dancing to its rhythm
Determinedly

If the sun should ever falter
And fail to shine
How confusing and chaotic
Our lives would become

The sun is hope
And I am a child
We are all children of the sun
Rays of hope

Watching people
We observe growth
Life within life
Life giving hope

All are nurtured
And find their home
In the kingdom
Of the eternal sun

I feel strength returning
The sun is gradually rising
The future slowly appearing

The future

Once so misty and hazy
Was always there

Not pre-destined
But available
To shape, to inhabit

Though black clouds may blind me
The future remains

There is always tomorrow

Tomorrow will never disappear
Even if I do

And there is always
Humanity and hope

So long as people survive
There will always be love

So long as children are born
There will always be education

So long as cultures endure
There will always be compassion

Though I may be driven to extremes
There is always my tomorrow

Not the tomorrow
Others may predict for me

But the one I create for myself
A vast ocean
Of possibilities
If I can just fight against
Delusion

In the distance
The sounds of gulls
Soars above the bash
Of foaming seas

The earth shows me my inner nature
Sometimes clear
Sometimes shrouded
But constant as the changing landscape

A novel of endlessly turning pages
Each chapter describing a different pattern
Like rotating seasons
Predicatably unpredictable

We go on
In this way
Towards
The future

Blue note
Blue note
Help me be free
Free from the struggle
That weigh down on me

Blue Note
Blue Note
Make me belong
To somethin' much greater
Than my simple song

Blue note
Blue note
You bendin' the rhyme
You got me, a prisoner
From bygone ol’ time

Blue note
Oh blue note
I plod out my blues
And under my feet
See my vagabond shoes

Blue note
Blue note
I’ll gather my tears
And pray for redemption
For all the lost years

Blue note
Blue note
Why you so blue?
When love done gon lef' you
Ain't nothin’ to do

Blue note
Blue note
Resting down low
Ain't no one, no never
Don fall down so slow

I could give you hugs
To shelter you from the cold
But you don’t want me to

I could give you love  
To soothe your tortured soul
But you don’t want me to

I could give you smiles
To brighten up your day
But you don’t want me to

I could stroke your hair
To make you feel safe
But you don’t want me to

I could kiss your body
To make you feel free
But you don’t want me to

I could
But you don’t want me to

What if today was the last day that I saw you
Would I regret, not kissing you goodbye?

What if today was the last day that you saw me
Would you regret not saying goodbye?

I have so many feelings
But the one that holds me now
Is exhaustion

So I must rest
And let sleep restore me
So that I can emerge
Into a new day
And experience
It’s many treasures

I was there
When the world woke up
And the sky turned
From deep purple
To Grey

I was there
When pigeons and seagulls
Circled overhead
Beating the air behind them

I was there
When two elderly gentlemen
Struggled up the hill
And a greengrocer
Opened up shop

I was there
When a steadfast father
Encouraged his three wrapped up youngsters
On the way to school

I was there
When the crescent moon
Appeared from nowhere
And disappeared behind the clouds

I was there
As the turquoise river
Rippled beside rows of sailing boats

I was there
As beauty arrived
Fresh and quiet
And green grasses stood still

I was there
I was there

‘…If you are feeling unwell during your journey
Please seek help at the next station…’

But what if you don’t know when the next station is?

What if you don’t believe that there even is a station up ahead?

What if you don’t know what help you need?

Sometimes I feel like I am hurtling down the wrong track
Towards the wrong destination
And I don’t know how to get off

Perhaps I need to pull the emergency brake
And sit still and think

Perhaps?

Images and words
Are re-ordered
In ever cleverer circles
In the maelstrom
Of modernity
Distracting the brilliance
Of young minds

I release myself
From the mundanities
Of daily life
And ponder
The questions of a youth


Nations are destined
To rise and fall
Just as the buttocks
Of ardent lovers
Grind against each other
Flesh towards flesh
Advance retreat
In and out of freedom
To annihilate
The painful consciousness
Of our singular existence

I find
The minds of men
Incomprehensible

In the end
There is no destination
No everlasting physical

Only
Spiritual

Birth
Ageing
Sickness
Death

Four
Three
Two
One

NNnnnnnnnnn
Aaaaaahhhhhh
Sssssssssssssss

How many great fables
Do tell of the battle

Between good and evil
Light and dark?

Arise hearts of sunshine!
Cast your strong rays

To banish the darkness
Of unchecked destruction!

The pathways of disappointment
Must be challenged

The disconnectedness of spirit
Must be reconnected

Abject Despair
Must transform into hope

Bitter numbness
Must not be accommodated

Fanfares will herald
The rise of humanity

Earth will be cherished
And life will abound

The beast of
Self destruction
Relentlessly scrapes at my soul
Straining
Lunging
To awaken me
In the dawn hours

A psychotic
Furious
Raging bedfellow
Wraps around my neck
Pumps chemicals of panic
Through my body

Quaffing my energy
Leaving me pale
Weakened and empty

The beast stirs
As thoughts keep me awake
At 4.30am

I try to soothe its howls
With a sweeter song
Lull it back to sleep
Lest I be drawn
Into the skin of the beast
To rage with its fury
Ripping to shreds
Everything I have ever made
To furiously tear, bite, scratch, seethe
Hurt
Hurt
Hurt myself

Hurt others

Energy drains from my body
Into the scraps of what is left behind

Scraps
Of things
I once carefully built
Now, scattered on the floor

I ,weakened by outbursts
Have shrunk

But the beast
Grows larger

City of crescent lights
We stand by your resting canals
While bells toll midnight
Awaiting your truth

A grandfather clock
Stands
Silent
Waiting to be wound
At ten to three
Ten minutes from chiming
Ten years from chiming?

A rocking horse
Bows its head
Waiting for a child
It could wait a million years

Chopped wood
Rests in a fireplace
Waiting for kindling and a spark

A trampoline stands quietly
Waiting to stretch its springs

Tiny eggs roll silently along fallopian tubes
Waiting to meet *****
Lost lost lost

The early risers
Are ripped from their sleep
By tinkles and chimes
Of programmed alarms

They tread their cold floorboards
To peer in their mirrors
Observing dark shadows
Beneath their worn eyes

They are the ones
Who meet with bewilderment
The dark of pre-dawn
And ponder its death

They are the ones
Who half-asleep shuffle
Along broken pavements
Avoiding black puddles

They are the wearers
Of gloves and wool hats
Thick scarves and overcoats
And knotted shoe laces

A slumber-some army
Making their pilgrimage
To station and hospitals
Factories and schools

They are the ones
Who catch the first birdsong
The breaking of dawn
The crisp of the air

They are the ones
Who gaze at the moonlight
Wonder at stars
And think of the spring

They are the ones
Who live out the hours
Whilst we comfortable sleepers
Lie warm in our beds

No-one
Can take
My mind
Away from me

It is mine

My thoughts
Are
Mine

Original

Owned

By

Me

Mine

No matter
How packaged
Sanitised
Distributed
Celebrated
Derided
Ignored
Amplifi­ed or erased…

They emanate from the spongy connected cosmic receptor
Between my ears

My mind
Inhabits my skull

Pervades
My fleshy
Bony
Hairy
******
Sinewy
Watery
Bilious

Humanity

My humanity

Humanit

Humani

Human

Huma

Hum

Hm
Hmm
Hmmm
Hmmmm
Hm­mm
Hmm
Hm
H

Two is
A number
Divided by itself
Is one
Add one
For a crowd
Take one away
For solitude
Multiply itself
To make a square

Two is
A pair
A couple
Company
Two
Means we
Us
Both

Two is
You and me
Together
We are free
I am only
Two is more
Than a number
Two is company
And that's
A gift