When I was younger:
   I shuffled along,
to no urgent song,
didn't march through my day strong. When young and strong are the best time for planned  convictions.
There's no acting lazy, or slowing down to the crazy, unless you want to live ungracefully in this hard unforgiving world.
When I was younger:
   I lacked logic cause I didn't make clear my premise,
like a man with no plan, a sap with no map.  I wandered tither and yonder like a ghoal  without a goal, a ghost least of most,  no future to ponder.
When I was younger:
   I bogged down in metaphorical feces cause I didn't watch where I was wading, forsaking and debating, planning is for suckers, futures are for chuckers.
When I was younger:
   I did nil and stood still while the city raced around me, progress to astound thee, forgetting the earth constantly rotates 260 miles an hour- waiting for no one.
When I was younger:
   Like the Dodo bird I forgot to grow wings, was eatin by rats and things, became extinct and unlinked to a place run on business, consumerism and cash. On the rocks I was dashed.
When I was younger:
I became he who loses, with a broken compass and excuses, laying laggardly leaderless, with the snoozing and the boozing, and sold my initiative for a bag of grass.
That's when I was younger:
   I'm older than that now.  But I still remember. It's  hard being younger!!

Lies, manipulation
Topped with respect

How does that work?

i lasso lightning
i enjoy the pain
it numbs my fingers
it bolts my brain

my smoke rings linger
but the fire fades
i'm drawn to darkness
i'm a long delay

the average cost of a funeral is
$8,515

death is unaffordable for me

put me in  big oblong cardboard box

2 feet by 3 feet by 6 feet

packing list enclosed

fragile (not really)
      please handle with care

keep upright

       or

supine

send me to the
grande vide

postage due

.
I see the sunrise coming
Like the thousands all before
I feel the emptiness forming like it was a downpour
There are no rays of warmth in the abyss
There are no permissions for a wish

Black Sun rising
Like a curse
Black Sun rising
Only comes the worse

Only comes the worse
Black Sun rising
Like a curse
my black sun rising

Perhaps maybe an interactive piece
Pages upon ages
Of what seemed to be a decision.

Decision, a thought that made it out
Of the cages created to keep
The illusion flowing

A decision was made
Overwhelmingly without considering
the consequences but rather
the satisfactions that came with it

on this highway of life
that decision never left you
slowly wrecking your soul
and in tears you held and hoped for more

was that decision a morphine or an addiction
is it a hopeless will that haunts
is it a rope on your neck
slowly taking your days away

so you sit and wonder
if the decisions you’ve made
are made for you
or your subconsciously following a pattern
a laid foundation
a culture that was created to control, without you knowing

When you lose an family member it always there.
In your heart, an piece that has been ripped out.
It matters not what others might tell you about it..
That eventually you get over it, for that is not true.
You never get healed on losing someone you love.
It has 34 years since my father went away in death.
It still hurts even worst than the day that he had died.
Actually I believe that I was in shocked at the beginning.
But it still hurts really bad especially the anniversary of his death.
My mother, sister, and nephews hurt really bad as well too.