I don't even matter anymore
So why can't I walk out that door
Why can't I just give up without failing to do what I set out to do
*I don't matter to myself
So I don't matter no more

My memoires like a juke box, I insert
a thought to play out those memories
stored with in my mind. New ones I
can view no long stored play out in HD.

Then we have those stored at the back,
old memories some long forgotten then
a coin, smell of music last heard inserted
in with some change of thought, and
played out in my mind on an LP slower
than the new ones but still seen quite vividly.

My mind is a juke box of memoires, it plays
old and new, some of the old ones with
out sound but the pictures I see are just
as good of long forgotten. The new ones
stored my jukebox stores my memories
for me to listen to and see, I put in a thought
and I see the memory of old as if it was
only remembered yesterday.

There's not enough pills
Not enough *****
Not enough anything to **** the pain
We're capable of feeling

I hear the tortured souls
Crying out to me
In the place where dreams live

I close my eyes
Not sure how much time has elapsed
Wakened by screams
Realizing they are my own

I long for peaceful rest

Someday maybe

Not today

Sometimes it's hard to remain held together
Pulled in multiple directions at once
Feeling undone

We try to fool ourselves
Everything's good
We soldier on

Wanting to be a better person
Knowing you never will be
Not as good as we'd like to be


But we keep
Moving
Forward


Or at least we
Try

I feel death lingering
And realize
My soul dies a little more
Each day

If my heart was still alive
It would pump more pain
Through my dead veins

Maybe it's better to be numb
Not feel anything
Dead inside
At least there's no more pain

Slowly slipping into a sleep
With no waking

Resting in peace

Life is always WHAT IF
life should be WHY NOT
if you try and don't like, at
least you'll have no regrets
in life, and ask your self later WHAT IF Instead of **WHY NOT.