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 Jan 2015
Ember Evanescent
And as the clock struck 12
You probably kissed her
With alcohol on your breath
And no trace of me on your mind
I just thought about this now.
 Jan 2015
Ember Evanescent
What?
Oh no that's alright

I never liked my heart anyway

By all means, please
go ahead and beat the living hell out of that useless thing

all it does is get me into trouble anyways.

Please, go on

Rip it out of me and stomp on it

Pierce it with a poisoned blade

What do you care?

You don't know how that would feel

How could you?

You've always been

And will always be

HEARTLESS
I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him except it is difficult not to text him.
 Jan 2015
Ember Evanescent
You are really lucky my best friends don't know where you live.
You are probably very attached to your limbs. It would be a shame if they ended up UNattached. Careful. My friends and I are insane.
Inf!ckingsane.

Normal girls:

Girl: And that's what he said!

Friend: Oh, honey. He is a worthless ******* he doesn't deserve you. You can do so much better. Here, I'll be over in 30 minutes with ice cream and your favorite movies. Put on your sweats and we'll ***** about men for two hours.

And then there's us:

Me: There, that was the entire conversation.

Best friend in existence: K you get the chainsaw I'll get the knives.

Me: K cool. Meet at the flamethrower store.

Her: 10 minutes?

Me: See you then.
 Jan 2015
Ember Evanescent
I can buy beauty
I can buy artificial happiness
I can buy ***
I can buy pretty lies
I can buy obedience

But

I can't buy respect

I can't buy creativity

I can't buy goodness

I can't buy trust

I can't buy love



That's why I don't want you.
Because a relationship with you
Would just be something I could buy
Yeah. I am currently in the process of convincing myself this guy would be nothing but trouble and I should let him go. Encouragement appreciated. I'm better off without him. Right?
 Jan 2015
Ember Evanescent
I don't have a new years resolution this year
But it always ends up becoming the same thing

"Aim to become less ugly, learn how to be pretty"

Still working on that

Maybe I'm shallow
Or maybe
I'm just broken

Maybe I just would like one year to he truly pretty
Because I don't have enough inner beauty to rely on that
And you know what

To everyone who sees me
I'm just and Ugly Girl.
If someone tells me to wear less makeup one more time I'll either break down crying or commit a homicide. Maybe both.
 Dec 2014
Ember Evanescent
Andy...

You are not alive anymore.

You will never read this as a living breathing human anymore, you will never click on this poem and read my name and be blinded by the brightness of the screen, but I wanted to post this anyway. I wonder if you are watching me type this in spirit form or if you are doing something else but, just know that I'm glad. I'm glad you are not suffering anymore from the dread. I'm glad you are not scared anymore, because waiting is the worst. I grieve for your family and I'm heartbroken for your friends, and all who loved you but you were truly the most inspiring person I have ever had the privilege to speak to. I hope from heaven you can see me, I really hope now you know my real name because it probably doesn't make a difference but it's something I wanted to tell you because, I mean, that's a part of my identity, that's me, and I loved your soul. I loved listening to you, I loved reading what you had to say I loved watching the people who's lives you touched be inspired by the amazing person you were and you know what, it felt wrong for you not to know my name but I am very wary on the internet, I don't give out personal information so I stuck to my screen name, symbolic for something deeper, a deeper part of me, so in a way it was a part of my identity like a name but it still wasn't my real name.

The cancer killed your body, but nothing could possibly **** your soul, and I hope to God you are happy now that you have passed on because if anyone deserves it, it is you Andy.

I think “Rest In Peace” has lost its meaning from overuse by now, so instead I will say

Rest happily, Andy.

“And” is a part of your name, Andy
And you were the “and” in everyone you met’s lives. Something additionalto people’s lives to remind them that there is an and not just the depression or sadness they feel in their lives there is an and to go along with their burdens and that and was HOPE. You were hope. I hope you are okay, I pray for you and like I said before, Andy, I don’t know where you are but if you read this where ever you are in whatever form somehow Andy as I said before I don’t know what you are facing, what is going on right now with you now that you have passed on but like I said before it’s okay to be afraid.

I don’t know what else to say.

There will never be another person like you ever for the rest of eternity, so thank you, for being you and wherever and whatever you are, I hope you Rest Happily Andy, and I thank God for the beautiful blessing I was given: Knowing you.

Ember Evanescent
I encourage everyone who has been affected by Andy when he was alive to write something like these so it is forever imprinted in Hellopoetry what a difference his existence made, the way his imprint is in our hearts and lives.

Rest Happily Andy

Please pray for him, he changed by life.
He is a beautiful soul.
Even if you don't believe in souls or God or anything, please I beg of you to pray for him because even if you don't believe, can it really hurt?
I think it really would make a difference and I just wish he got a better ending because he deserves a thousand golden happy endings more than anyone.
 Dec 2014
Ember Evanescent
It was two lipsticks and a secret ago
That a text message from you lit up my screen
But my phone goes off and I read your name
The boy who uses pretty words that he doesn't really mean

And my name is not plan B
But you're a tough craving to ignore
Don't you tell me I'm beautiful
The way you never did before

'Cause I hate the way you overuse
The same phrase every time we talk
And I hate the way you think you're something new
When you're just another cliché in the flock
I hate the way you cling to my mind
With the letters of your name you can spell what I'm thinking
But between your indecision and the masks you wear
I hate how I'm only pretty when you've been drinking
He has a f!cking girlfriend and he knows I know that and he isn't even old enough to drive a freaking car and he knows I don't like how much and often he drinks. I don't actually care, whatever he can do what he wants, but I don't want to hear about the **** he gets into. He texts me lies. He texts me spontaneously that I'm "really pretty" and I say: "Don't you have a girlfriend" and he says "Yes".
He is so f!cking unfaithful how could anyone ever trust him if that's how he treats the girl he's with sending other girls lies in the form of compliments. He tells me he's been drinking then he begs me to stay when I message him saying I have to go when really I just have to go because I can't stand him when he takes that substance and becomes exactly like everyone else who's drunk. he and his friends consume this substance so they all become variations of the same freaking person and the person they morph into when they cease to be their own actual selves is a raving lunatic. Well, that's more the **** he smokes and the ecstasy and ****. Drinking doesn't really bother me actually, but unfaithfulness does, lying does, and being a ******* does. Excessive drinking doesn't thrill me at his age, but my real problem is the drugs and the way he defiles his own and other girls' bodies the way he disrespects the beauty of sexuality, diminishing it to a pathetic cheap desire of "man" without morals.

I just freaking hate him.
I'm sick of being his second option.
I think he looks at my picture, makes out with his girlfriend or whatever who knows if she actually has a shirt on, then gets drunk, his vision blurs, sees my picture again but his distorted perception changes how my face looks and he in his intoxicated state gets confused and thinks I'm pretty then ignoring any frigging loyalty, texts me that I'm pretty WHILE he has a girlfriend and while he is even TALKING TO HER. And it is not like he was drunk-off-his-***-no-ability-to-control-himself he KNEW what he was doing and he still CHOSE to treat the girl he is with like that. And even in a sober state, he texted me saying he missed me, calls me beautiful, talented and all these other stupid lies then two hours into the conversation mentions he has a girlfriend.

I know this sounds like the cliché typical "teenaged-girl-boy-problems-crap" and I mostly is, but I just don't deal with stuff well with my "broken moods" and I still kind of want to **** myself somedays and he is not helping I mean I for sure definitely WON'T but I kind of WANT to, somedays I guess and I hate feeling like that and I hate how he adds to that. OK that got depressing fast. sorry. this is mostly just a rant you don't have to read it or anything but if you are reading these words right now you probably already read it all and can't go back and unread it to get those 3 minutes of your life back. sorry about that. anyway. if anyone had advice please comment. I'm way too dumb and naïve to deal with this without advice.
 Dec 2014
Tongues
<><><><><><>
Suicide is so hip
What's with that?
You know what's not -
Talking it out
Forgiving
And (sin of sins)
Believing it will be okay
Living for the moments
Your soul craves

If a surgeon pulled your heart apart
She'd stitch it back together
But healing will take time
It's the same with being lonely

Physiologically, being dumped
Activates the same part of your brain
As physical burns
(And did you know that
Harmless game of "tickling"
Activates the same part of your brain
As torture? Dude.)

Anyways, what should be hip
Is finding a way to develop
Strong character,
A kind and gentle heart
And encouraging words
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