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 Apr 2016
Phoenix
Snap out of it
You're fine
You have medication
Did you forget to take it?

What's wrong?
Why are you so sad?
What do you mean you don't know?

I have medicine
But that doesn't cure me
It's not a magic pill

Well you must not be trying hard enough
You must not want to get better*

What do you mean I don't want to get better?
You don't think I'm trying?
Do you think I enjoy living in my own personal Hell?

Do you understand,
What it's like to have depression?
Do you understand,
What it's like to be angry all the time,
For absolute no reason?

Picture this
You can't move
Your bones are made of lead

You want to shred you skin
Like paper in a paper shreder
Because you hate your apearence
Your skin crawls looking down at yourself
Or in the mirror

You want to rip out your vocal cords
Just to feel the pain
Just so you feel SOMETHING

You want to scream
And lash out
Throw chairs
Flip tables

You don't want to exist
But you don't want to die
So you're stuck in this in between space
Forever

So if you think
For even a second
That I enjoy this
You are sadly mistaken

I may be on medication
And it was a little over two years ago
that this all started
But everyday is an uphill battle

And little do you know
I fight it ALONE
I don't ask for your help
I don't ask for your pity
I don't ask for anything

Because I know what you're going to say

So I guess it doesn't matter anway
 Apr 2016
stone the bear
Space to move,
time to grow.
Wheels placid
aside your
tapping
toe.

...

Fingers bolt
from you chin;
your body wobbles,
the chair starts
to spin.

...

You're frantically falling
who are you?
Calling

Do not fear.
listen, hear.
I am here, feel
i am near.

There you go,
Here you are.
Do you know,
you're from the
universe
afar?

I can and I do
and I can't help,
but I see the
real You.

Do you see
just who
you are?

You are My once
upon a
shooting
star.
https://soundcloud.com/mac-blazer/20160427-130315a
 Apr 2016
Gidgette
The sun,
It bleeds for you
You know
Everyday, it puts on
That brilliant show
Just for you
And at the end
Of each beautiful day
The stars come out
And they shine,
Just for you
Only for you
 Apr 2016
Little Bear
There was a daisy on the bus
just by the drivers door,
just laying there quite prettily
on it's own, just on the floor.

I thought about the fragility
of life and of things that grow,
and then I got to thinking
were did the daisy want to go?

Was it riding into town?
was it going to see it's friends?
or to meet it's long lost cousin
in the hopes to make amends?

Where did it keep it's money?
with it's pockets oh so small,
and did it have a ticket?
or did it pay at all?

And just how would it know
which stop to get off at?
it couldn't see out the windows
just on the floor it sat.

But as the bus pulled over
to stop again once more,
a gust of wind just caught it
and blew it out the door.

But thankfully for me
this was just my stop,
so both me and the daisy
off the bus we hopped.

Now the place my bus pulls over
is right by a meadow green,
full of dandelions and blue bells
the best you've ever seen.

So I look down at the daisy
and go to pick it up,
but the wind takes it far away
into the field of buttercups.

And now I just can't see it
so this is where our journey ends,
good bye my little daisy
in your field of little friends.
True story :o)
 Apr 2016
Little Bear
I never professed to be pretty
certainly not beautiful
and okay so...
babies don't actually cry when they look at me
But..
I know what I am
what I look like
you don't have to remind me
Yes.. I'm awkward
I mess up my words
I'm shy until I know you a little better
But..
Do you notice I find it hard to look you in the eye?
I thought not
Do I wish the ground would swallow me whole
more than once a day?
You bet
So.. I'm not really comfortable in my own skin
I know that..
But I refuse to have a thick skin
to man up and to take it on the chin
with or with out a pinch of salt
I refuse to be like you
I don't want to be hard hearted and cynical
and I also don't want to brush off your comments
like they are nothing to me
Because every word you said
every thing you implied
I have thought of myself too
all the time
everyday
And if what you said hurts me
then so be it
But that also means I am not like you
I would rather be me
awkward
self conscious
scared
a great big bag of what if's
But ultimately happy
I care
I want to do better
I love
I am soft
I have passion and dreams
(okay, so weird ones sometimes)
but I won't make fun of you
and if I like you I will tell you
and I will remind you that I love you
You don't know what I have seen
and have been through
You don't know what happened to me
because you don't know me at all
So don't judge me on what you see
judge me on what you know
And by what I know of you
I'm just glad I am me
I wrote this a few years ago.
I was on  a bus and there were
some very unkind things being said
by some other people on the bus.
Not just to me but to other passengers.
I came home and wrote this.
I just needed to write it out.
The sad thing is..
this is still relevant.
I am a walking oxymoron
I am a contradiction
I consider myself a realist
but crave the taste of fiction

I am a both sides of an argument;
much like the true colors of freedom
I bristle at words of affirmation
because I hate that I need them

Oh, wretched heel!
Oh, bane of life!
Cease to inflict your funereal strife!
What must it take?
Would I be healed,
Should my dichotomies be revealed?

I am a fire upon the sea
I am a grand confliction
I write as if I have no inhibitions,  
but it seems that words are an addiction
Cassidy Claire Johnson © 2016.
 Apr 2016
Lora Lee
Here in the desert
it's been raining
on and off
            for days
making the succulents and cacti
glisten with wetness
their thick skin sparkles
and catches nature's ironic eye
flowers and plants shine
so much better in the half-grey
Here in the prehistoric depths
Of rocky whitewash and silt
             flash floods rush through
flushing out all guilt
         And inside
a raging storm commences
and I feel so blessed
to be a part of this celebration
my lungs expanding in my chest
I breathe in deep
that fresh purity of air
let it cleanse right through me
from my toes up to my hair
It rushes in my body
taking no prisoners in its force
flows through every vein
cleansing poisons in its course
its power flows into me
washing out this stubborn pain
Turning the confusion
                     into clarity again
From inside subconscious thoughts
           realization thunders
rinsing from my mind
                 the emotional strain
and replacing it with euphoric wonders
Come, my raging desert tempest
Bathe me
       penetrate me with wet
restore and purify
my being
take over and disinfect
let me feel my own strength
until it pours out from my cells
into the space inside my heart
where love and lust still dwell
My tears mingle with the sweet drops
                as I fling arms open to the sky
releasing strikes of lightening
for every word I cry
as I summon, pray for lightness
mixed with the sturdiness of earth
Let joy rise up and bubble
within my being
as rebirth
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