mom called it “snow channel”
an ice storm of flowing pixels over the screen
drowning in nothing, it seems my
mood spirals to it like i’m flipping dead channels

like white noise ringing out
loud
last time i turned it off, i forgot to
turn it down

i lie in deafening silence
i lie staring at the snow-channel ceiling
i lie when I tell my mom I’m okay
that i’m not keeping bad thoughts at bay
that i don’t spend all day fighting
this, but i realize
all i’m feeling
unemphatic

just static
and the ceiling

Sunrise floods through
vertical blinds strong enough to
bleed through thick fingers of my aloe.

Mold grows from soil-top deep into
the root.
I
stretch my arms, wipe
crust from my eyes
just to find
you.
God,
anybody but
you.

Eyes red. You
didn't sleep.
It's been days since you
slept. Your
pile of cups, stained from old coffee, mingling
with cheap liquor
bottles. Lying on the floor like the bodies
in Normandy.
The first thing you
say to me, your
catch phrase, prodding me with bony
fingers, the scars across your
arms like scales.
Shallow pools under your
eyes lingering, you
say "you will not last today."
I
tried to spring to my feet, you
held me down.
"Sleep," you
cooed as my eyelids buckled
I
believed it best I just
lie
down.
"Spend the day in bed," you
said. "It'll be nice," you
say "let me have just one more day."