She tossed her halo back on the shelf,
Didn't take much energy there.
Upon her head it seemed to drown her,
A suffocating glow upon her hair.

She tossed her halo under the the bed saying,
She didn't need it that night.
The room finally bathed in darkness,
Suddenly hidden from the light.

She tossed her halo into her bag,
Where nobody would suspect it.
She threw the bag across her shoulder,
Making no effort to protect it.

She tossed her halo into the closet,
Who's closet she didn't really know.
Everyone loved the stony darkness,
Nothing revealed in golden glow.

She tossed her halo into the trunk,
Saying this time was for her.
They drove on into the night,
Not knowing where they were.

She tossed her halo into the trash,
Revolting from that life.
Rocking on next to her shadow,
She didn't miss the light.

She tossed her halo off the bridge,
Fully embracing the black.
I jumped in to follow it,
I drowned trying to bring it back.

Crystal drops
Of salt and sin,
Dribble down
To trembling chin.

Bluest eyes
Of deepest hue,
Swim in oceans
Deep and true.

Midnight hair
Dark as space,
Hangs all shaken
In your face.

Luscious lips
Full and soft,
Tremble gently
No sound aloft.

Hands clenched
So small and smooth,
In your lap
Unable to move.

You sit alone
Among your fears,
Just letting fall
Your crystal tears.

Baby its cold outside,
Lets go turn up the heat.
Maybe kindle some pillows,
Make a fire of your sheets.

Throw on some blankets,
Build up the heat.
There's a hotter side of me,
That I want you to meet.

It might snow or sleet,
A long winter storm,
But tonight I can promise,
I'll be keeping you warm.

Rolling meadows drenched in white,
Floating fields of such delight.
Just breath in the sultry air,
Soak it in without a care.

Lots of little children's feet,
Have left the track with printed beat.
Your bare feet, not fleet as those,
Love the dust between your toes.

Drop down now amidst the flowers,
You won't be missed for several hours.
Lie on your back, look to my sky,
Don't you think, don't wonder why.

Pull a daisy from the ground,
Plenty more, all around.
Pluck petals, small and fair,
Watch them drift off through the air.

Hold against your tickled nose,
Scent sweeter than any rose.
Innocent smiles light your face,
Reflecting the beauty in this place.

Petals fallen in your hair,
Fuzzy bees flit through the air.
Butterflies on painted wing,
Float as though on broken string.

High above the clouds pass by,
Imagine shapes, if you try.
The sun beats down on summer skin,
Warming your heart, from within.

Pull more daisies from the land,
Hold them gently in your hand,
Squeeze them softly against your chest,
They won't mind if you rest.

Footsteps raise you from your sleep,
Rising out of dreams so sweet.
But it's alright, smiles crack,
He's holding daisies behind his back.


A girl asked me for a poem about daisies. I complied.

You and me,
Just wait and see.
You'll never believe,
What we could be.

Our hearts align,
It's in the design.
I don't know yours,
But you know mine.

You might be scared,
But if you dare,
I can show you,
How much I care.

Your beauty defies,
My very eyes.
Don't you blush,
I don't tell lies.

I'll never demand,
To hold your hand.
Let's take it slow,
You're in command.

When it's right,
You'll feel that light.
That's when you know,
We will be alright.

It's you and me,
Just waiting to see,
What this love,
Might turn out to be.

The screams and roars call me to war,
Demand my presence to settle the score.
They need my light to lead the fight,
A pinnacle of the saving might.

These men, they die, as they cry,
Requesting that their spirits fly.
For they sin, time and again,
Fighting a fight only I can win.

The enemy has them on their knees,
Promising lies and pleasures to please.
A sorry some abandon me. Succumb,
To temptation, their lives undone.

If they followed me they would see,
I can make them the best they can be.
My love will shower down from above,
Turning crows to purest doves.

Their calls drive me to end their fall,
I can't say no, I love them all.
The Father sent me to set them free,
To lead to heaven, for love of thee.

Though nails bind and ****** hails,
I am the love that never fails.
Forgive the true, knowing not what they do.
My last breath is expended for you.

I write so many stanzas,
They fall right off the page.
Never bothering to read again,
Locked in forgotten cage.

I miss the days when my poems,
Would never go unfinished.
I miss the way you filled them in,
Your genius undiminished.

I loved the way you rhymed the twists,
Such crazy, lovely plots.
You held my sadness to the light,
Adding happy letters and dots.

The way your pen complimented,
And fit perfectly within mine.
Our words always flowed together,
Inspiration almost divine.

You took my broken writings,
Helped me make them something great.
You cheered me on through each line,
Never wanting for debate.
12/26/13


To me you were of magic,
Finishing my incomplete.
I wish you would rhyme for me,
Let our two writings meet.

I wish you would read again,
And find every verse I'm missing.
I wish that you were real,
I might as well, while I'm wishing.

Come lie with me.
Let's lie to the world.
Let's say that it can't hold us down,
Can't hold us back,
Can make us hurt.
Let's lie to the world and say that everything is fine.
That this is how things were meant to be.
That here as we lay, we are truly free.
I doesn't have to be for long,
It can be if you like,
But just lie with me at least until night.

I wish I were there,
Your hand in mine.
Being at your side,
Not asking the time.

I wish I were there,
To see the light in your face.
To look into your eyes,
Brush a hair back in place.

I wish I were there,
To kiss you goodnight.
I long to be with you,
Each and every night.

I wish I were there,
To kiss you good morning.
To watch the sun's rays,
Light your hair without warning.

I wish I were there,
Just to see you smile.
To see wrinkled sheets,
All pushed in a pile.

I wish I were there,
To hear your sweet voice.
Let it whisper in my ear,
My one and only choice.

I wish I were there,
To hear all your fears.
And to whisper my comforts,
Into your ear.

I wish I were there,
To share myself with you.
To be there to love you,
As all lovers should do.

I wish I were there,
To wrap you up tight.
Show you how close we are,
All through the night.

I wish I were there,
To show you I was near.
But you must be there,
And I must be here.

So come now my love,
Though I'm not sure when,
I know I will see you,
I'll be with you again.

"I miss you.”
The sentence seemed to slip out, layered with my pain and sadness and guilt.

~  -  ~  -  ~  -  ~

It was so real, this vision. In a way, I knew it was. I knew that it was only a projection of her conscious being. I knew that she really and truly was dead. But some part of me kept holding onto the hope that there was something I had missed and she would be standing there in front of me when I opened my eyes.

I missed her terribly. I missed her laugh and her tears, her jokes and her cynical sarcasm. I missed the way the corner of her mouth would curl when she was keeping a secret from me. The mornings seemed empty, never quite complete without a text rambling about whatever late night thought she had. The empty pit in my stomach deepened every time I heard her name.

I missed her like I didn't know I could miss someone. She had become such an integral part of my life that I didn't even realize it until she was gone. I imagine it being something like losing a limb. Except she was so much more than just that. To me, she was an arm and a leg, part of my brain, and she was my heart. She had become so much of me, this friend. Part of me had died with her.

I think it was because of the connection we had, the way she had become such a part of me, that I could still talk to her. I could shut my eyes and she would appear there in front of me, in all her beauty and wisdom, just as she was right now. She always had that devilish little curl in her smile that proved she was keeping her secrets.

"What was it like when you died?"

I asked the question without thinking. She had already given so much, I felt bad asking for any more. But I was genuinely curious.

"It was peaceful. I went quietly, you know, never did want to go out in a blaze of action like you do. It was very painless, some sort of cross between slipping over the crest of a roller coaster and falling asleep."

As she spoke, her eyes shifted up and to the left like they always did when she was telling a story. It always seemed as if she was reading her memories from somewhere in the sky.

"What... What came next? Or rather, where are you now?"

For the first time, I felt slightly nervous about knowing the answer to one of my questions.

"Well I'm right here with you silly."

She giggled softly, her incredible laugh. The sound that made men instantly fall head over heals. It was indescribable.

"You know what I mean. Were we right?"

She almost looked solemn for a moment, as though she struggled with something. It was so unlike her, usually calm and certain. The moment of indecision written in her face made my heart beat faster. The corner of her mouth curled up just a bit, and I knew what was coming next.

"I can't tell you that. Some things you must discover for yourself. But you were right not to fear it. We truly are in control of our own destiny."

My mind was racing through all the possibilities. I really wished she could have given me a full truth, but I knew she would have a good reason for not telling me. I saw the moment of indecision again, just before she spoke.

"I can't tell you what came for me, because it can change what will come for you. Whatever we believe comes next, that is what comes. If your heart and soul believe in some form of afterlife, then that is what comes next. If you believe that there is nothing, then there is nothing. I know not what happens then."

How is someone supposed to react to that sort of information? I went with my usual attempt at humor.

"So you're saying I just need to believe that I go to a land of infinite bacon and sports cars."

She giggled again, this time with the knowing look in her eye that I'd only ever seen in her. It was the look that told how she completely understood me.

"If that's what you want to spend eternity with, then absolutely. It does sound rather pleasant."

This would all take a while to sink in. I decided to think about it all later and proceeded to soak in her image. She was a beautiful person, not only for her looks, but for what I knew to be within her.

"I miss you.”

The sentence seemed to slip out, layered with my pain and sadness and guilt. It echoed within the constructs of my mind, the three words that summed up the whole of my being at that moment. In that one sentence was every tear I hadn't shed and every word I'd wished to say.

"I miss you too.”

She said the words softly after a slight pause. I think we both knew how we felt and we both knew that she was the stronger one right now. In life it had always been me, but I realized that she had always been my strength. I once again felt the crushing pressure of being alone in the world.

"I just miss you so much and I don't even know how to keep going anymore. How am I supposed to live without the one person who really understood me? How do I just, I don't... I know we used to talk and joke about how I was so strong and independent, but I'm not anymore. You changed that. You filled a void in my life that I never even knew was there and became so much more. I don't know how to succeed without you. So many times I've thought about following. I've held the gun in my hands and I didn't see an end, I saw you. I saw the only way to get to you."

My attempts to remain stoic couldn't hope to combat this pain. It boiled up and overflowed into everything. Even the eyes that she said 'had forgotten how to cry' were on the verge of tears. The pain and the guilt pushed out all other emotions.

"No matter how much it hurts, you will make it through. I know your purpose and drive, and I know you have the determination and strength, as well as the bravery. This is only just another challenge, like all those others that you faced and defeated. You never once took the coward’s way out, and I don't expect you to do so this time. I am still with you, in your heart, in your mind, and in your soul. No matter how it feels, you won't be alone."

She spoke calmly. Her grace had always astounded me. Even in death she was just as calming and comforting. My heart began to slow to its normal pace and I focused on collecting myself. She was so beautiful.

"I love you."

I couldn't count how many times I'd whispered those three words, but this time felt different. It was both a statement of belief and a promise. It was a binding agreement that I would survive, that I had to. It was an apology and a thank you, a symbol and a wish.

"I love you too.  You were the one person who ever even tried to reach beneath the surface. You saved me when I needed it most. I’m sorry I’m not there to be with you now."

But I hadn't saved her. At least, not when it counted. If I had, she would still be alive and I wouldn't be mired in this **** sadness. If I had, we would still be together.

“Forever and always.”

I watched as she faded, seeming to slip away from me. I didn't know how I felt. She looked into me with those deep eyes one more time and was gone. Everything was black and I was staring at the slightly red glow of the morning sun on my eyelids. I slowly opened my eyes, reluctant to lose any image that might be left of her.

"Forever and always."

I whispered her promise to the early Sun's rays, as though to hold them to the light, turning over and over to inspect them. Part of me had died with her, but the rest of me had to go on.

My whispered words fall softly,
Upon downtrodden ears.
Even now I wipe away,
Your quarter crystal tears.

You come to me in the silence,
Your anguish knows no bounds.
I hold you and I love you,
Listen to your tearful sounds.

I run my fingers through your hair,
Tell you it will be alright.
Clutching you tight against me,
As you shiver through the night.

When morning comes I wake you,
Beautiful as you sleep.
I try to imagine the terrors haunting,
While you sink in dreams so deep.

I take your hand and raise you up,
And show you to the sunlight.
I hold you tightly, yet again,
You made it through another night.

I pack you up, gather your things,
The ones left laying by the door.
I whisper gently, yet again,
And pick you back up off the floor.

I can't help but help you,
Your tears scald my heart.
I can't help but hold you,
When you beg me play the part.

---------

So many nights I held your hand,
Trembling but unbroken.
I learned to love you a little more,
With every heartache spoken.

Every time you found affection,
It brought you so much pain.
I died just slightly, every time,
I watched you circle the drain.

Sometimes I spoke harshly,
And let my rage fly loose in ink.
But never did I hate you,
When you pushed me to the brink.

I'm sorry for those days of anger,
I just couldn't take it all.
Just as soon I held you close,
When you would stumble and fall.

It's been five long, painful years,
That I lived and breathed for you.
I'll still hold you, dear Madeline,
Though our time is all but through.

The pain I feel at our parting,
It tears away a part of me.
Now I must trust in you,
As I am forced to set you free.

I hope you can remember the nights,
And live them through with memory.
Remember sunlight and your daisies,
Please, live amongst life's beauty.

--------

My whispered words fell softly,
Upon your delicate ears.
I hope that I served my purpose,
Easing your midnight fears.

I ran my fingers through your hair,
I told you it would be just fine.
Clutching you tight against me,
Your tiny body trembling against mine.

You grew so much in that time,
I hope you now see the beauty of life.
Remember that I will always love you,
Forever my friend, in darkest night.

Haunted by a terror past,
Hope blooms for futures bright.
I whispered words in the silence,
Just so you lived another night.