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release
annie Jan 2018
release
there's nothing like the feeling
of letting go after holding on
so tight for so long

u n c l e n c h
feel the blood rush through your fingers
the energy flow through your soul
every fibre melting

letting go of what was
what could have been

filling instead
with warmth
and kindness
and the feeling that maybe

your own energy is all you need
nothing better than letting go
#release #love #unclench #alone
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semi-colon
annie May 2018
semi-colon
i'm so ******* tired of all of the
broken girls
complicated girls
save me girls
girls with pretty little red lines running up and down their arms

girls just waiting for the perfect guy to love them enough
get a semi-colon tattoo
buy some colourful clothes
and feel all better

where are all the girls
with scars hidden so no one can see
trying bottle after bottle of medication
talking to anyone who will listen
swimming in circles but trying to escape
no-one to pull them out

where are all the boys
armed with tape and glue
trying to fix every ******* piece
but leaving ***** fingerprints instead

show me recovery
show me relapse
show me that i'm not alone
i can't be alone
#alone
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shielded
annie Sep 2013
shielded
so self-important
unaware
          that the world
          is crumbling
          right before their eyes
too naïve
          to realize
          the truth
          just outside their grasps
so why
          am I
          not like
          them
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sleeping
annie Apr 2016
sleeping
there is nothing poetic about being empty
there is nothing beautiful about waking up at 4am
wondering when you will feel real again
wondering if you try to hurt just one more ******* time
will things get a little sharper for just a fleeting moment
will you deserve a spot in reality
instead of sinking into the hole again
it's not even dark
I've always been uncomfortable with the dark
some would say scared
but it's not scary
or sharp
or uninviting
maybe I'm just used to it
maybe it just makes a better home than any house I've ever been in
than any bed I've ever slept in
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slimming
annie Oct 2013
slimming
slim chance
of going back
to what you were
who you were
(it's too late)
your hopes
not shattered
but simply
slimmed down
bit
by dwindling bit
(to nothing)
grinding away
you start to hope
they would just
leave
quick
(like a bandaid)
and take
the demons
too
leaving you
with
n.o.t.h.i.n.g.
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slip
annie Sep 2013
slip
just a slip of the tongue
leading to something said
               more left unsaid
the latter cutting deeper
leaving more
to doubt

just a slip of the blade
leading to secrets
              always left unsaid
never cutting deep enough
leaving me empty
and full of doubt

just a slip of the brain
leading to something
              better left unsaid
cutting right through me
leaving more questions
and unspoken lies
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slipping
annie Sep 2013
slipping
I forgot
what it meant
to be happy
so I fell
s l i p p i n g
   d
     o
       w
         n
never
touching the ground
no space
to move
to grow
to live
e x i s t i n g
in a false
reality
no escape
(not that I really want one)
stuck
in this hole
no
way
out
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smiles
annie Jun 2013
smiles
smiles
are for
first kisses
clumsy and sloppy
but full of passion
and love

smiles
are for
wedding days
where the love of our lives
promises to be with us
forever

smiles
are for
intimate encounters
euphoric loving
exploring the depths of our souls
like no-one has before

smiles
are for
new life
first wails
late nights
all for a child's love

smiles
are for
first steps
careful and stumbling
but beautiful
nonetheless

smiles
are for
scrapes and bruises
falling
but getting back up
over again

smiles
are for
first loves
nervous hands
holding
tight

smiles
are for
betrayals
never
to trust
again

smiles
are for
long nights
alone
listening to
her favourite song

smiles
are for
deepest regrets
punishing herself
for another's
faults

smiles
are for
silent cries
no idea
how to fix
anything

smiles
are for
last breaths
with whispered apologies
to everyone
and everything

smiles
are for
final discoveries
too late
to make
a change
long, but i think it is powerful :)
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stars
annie Feb 2018
stars
12 was a punching bag
****** the other direction
eyes closed, uncontrolled
breaking down each fibre

13 was self-hatred
competition turned cruel
replacing his hand with mine
trying to peel the fat away

14 was tornadoes
clouding all vision
unsure where to turn
chaos in the aftermath

15 was betrayal
perfection not cracked
however hard I try
why could nobody see?

16 was manipulation
lust lists marked as friendship
number six he said
others just a picture

17 was spoonfeeding
syrupy silver words
up and down
all that work for him

18 is unclear
speckled and sparkled
not shiny and new
but trying to fit the puzzle
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story of my life
annie Aug 2013
story of my life
dear daddy
I'm sorry
for making you feel
bad enough
that you had to lash out
back at me

dear daddy
I'm sorry
for not being your perfect daughter
one you could
be proud of
love
forever

dear daddy
I'm sorry
for everything I've said
through tears
through pain
that obviously caused you
so much suffering
that you needed to be mad at me

dear daddy
you should be sorry
for the years
that you stole
from me
in your frenzy
for power
glory
and love

dear daddy
why are you not sorry
for hurting
your little princess
you were my king
but now
I am just
another ghost
in your castle halls
just another teenage girl with daddy issuea
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the difference
annie Nov 2013
the difference
drip
drip
rain falls
giving life
giving hope

drip
drip
water falls
on the floor
drowning all

drip
drip
hope drops
past the soul
buried deep

drip
drip
blood falls
on the tiles
too deep

drip
drip
i fall
to the floor
all i wanted
was one more
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the light went out
annie Jul 2013
the light went out
on that night
when she had no idea
what was coming
(what had gone)
she reverted back to the
girl
she used to be
but that girl
would not let
her be
that
girl
wanted to stay
locked
away
never causing the pain and suffering brought once before
but
she
let the girl
out
thanks to
him
(not him but
him)
so
thanks
too late to be writing this, it doesn't even make sense. oh well.
Continue reading...
too warm
annie Mar 2015
too warm
how is it raining

when you are the sun
shining bright and lighting the world
dissolving darkness into colour

when you fill my mindspace
poking out through every crack
chiseled by those who came before

when you evaporate my memories
making me forget the danger
of getting too close too quickly

because when comets fly around the sun they burn
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to(o) you
annie Oct 2013
to(o) you
you say
you wish
you were someone else
you wish
you could have their abilities
and darling
you are not perfect
you will never be
but in the most
imperfectly perfect way
you make it work
and you work it
and it works well
so never think
you should be
someone else
never think
you can be
too you
Continue reading...
trending
annie Aug 2013
trending
***
youre depressed
cool
me too
let's be best friends

wait up guys
I'm totally depressed too
my boyfriend
just dumped me
and now
I'm totally over him
but I'm acting sad for sympathy

aha
excuse me
but I think
I'm depressed
too
I mean
I haven't
ever
felt like everything was worthless
but I just
chipped a nail
and I feel sad

excuse me
but I don't believe
that is the meaning
of depression
mental illnesses
are not a choice
are not something
you should want
you should wish upon
your worst enemy
next time
you say
"***
I haven't eaten
in like
3 hours
I must be
anorexic"
think about
what that really
m.  e.   a.   n.   s.
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Untitled
annie Aug 2013
Untitled
walls
all around me
                                crumbling
self I destruction
due to unforseen
                                intentions
not by me
by
                                 you
just looking
for a way to
                                  have
a sense of hope
after this is all
                                   destroyed
but alas, the one hurt
is not you, but
                                   me
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what i want
annie Jan 2018
what i want
hey
i know im not perfect either
i just wanted you to know
that i would just appreciate if maybe
you realize that i am an adult
and i dont appreciate when you try to teach me "lessons"
about my personality or whatever.
i know my flaws
and i hate myself for them
but i also work so hard every day to better myself.
you really don't know enough about me
to be treating me like you do.
i know you dont care to know me
but that also means you dont get to tell me how i should be.
i know i laugh it off 99% of the time
but like it actually gets me really upset,
i just dont like to make a scene like that.
if i made the same kind of comments to you,
you would stand up for yourself -
but its really hard for me to do that.
i guess all im trying to say here is
please understand things from my point of view
because i'm trying to push myself in the right direction
and i just wish you wouldn't try to push it back.
what i wish i could say
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why
annie Apr 2018
why
i get so **** tired
sitting
waiting for something to come my way
i grew up with stories
of princesses and witches
and parties and beautiful things happening to beautiful people
and i wish
and i wish
                   and i wish
that was me
but i sit
and i tire
and i waste
and i cry
why
why not me
#depression #sadness
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work out
annie Feb 2014
work out
I can try
to work this out
but who am I kidding
it will only work out
to be more than me
and I'm not ready

I can't live
while working it out
it has to be gone
and I will be fine
but I can't do it
any more

someone save me
I think I'm going insane
set fire to me
save me from my pain
just help me breathe
or stop it
Continue reading...
worthless
annie Mar 2015
worthless
sometimes i close my eyes and all i see is black
i am alone, there is nothing else in the world.
it is peaceful, until i begin to think:
what if there is nothing else? what if this is all there is?
does my existence really matter this little? what is the point?
i think and think but someday i'll realize that
my thoughts matter as little as my life.
but sometimes i close my eyes and all i see is white
i am a speck in the sea of wonder that is the universe.
it is comforting, until i begin to think:
what if there is something else? what if it is truly infinite?
does my existence really matter this little? what is the point?
i think and think but i've come to realize that
my thoughts matter as little as my life.
Continue reading...

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