make a mess of me.
peel me apart until my insides are exposed.
tell me who I am:
dumb, ****, trouble, fickle, helpless, weak, crazy, damaged, bitter, *****.
tell me who I'm not:
beautiful, independant, successful, innovative, compassionate, patient, wise.

now tell me something I don't know.

I don't want your body,
too many people have had you.
You've got the scratches and bruises to prove it.

I don't want your mind
you always say what you're thinking.
Your pictures never look right unless your smiles are sincere.

I wanted your soul
and you didn't resist when I took it.
*"I have no use for it anyway."

Wake me up with your mouth
To put me to sleep with your fingers.
The tickle of your hair
The warmth of your breath
And I'm very nearly dead.

It's okay it's okay.
Everyone is always saying that
And now the words have no meaning at all.
Ironic how everyone  says it's okay
Most often when it's not.
Even if things were "okay"
I wouldn't believe you.
I don't believe myself when the word
Repeats in my head.
Tell me things are good.
Hell, tell me they are bad
before you tell me they're okay.

I don't want to be okay.
I want to be perfect or I want to be dead.
Which is easier?

*okay.

That's all any of us are trying to do.
With the edge of a blade
the edge of a spliff
or sipping on the edge of a glass filled with a distraction in liquid form.

Let's just hope we don't jump from it.

No one likes the truth when it's not watered down.
Without a chaser.
When it's said too loud.

No one likes good news with a dose of bad.

I'm getting okay with who I am
What I am
How I am.
I'm okay with it all
At least for today.