Everyone has something they are ashamed of, right?
Everyone has something in their past
                  That they do not want anyone to know about, don't they?
There is no one in the exempt category for this, is there?  

Sometimes secrets are on a 'need to know basis’
         ~ some secrets are on a 'never to be known' list.
Some things make me feel untouchable
~ some things I do
Because I don't think I have the right to say no,
Sometimes I lack the ability
~ sometimes I just give up.  
Sometimes it just doesn't matter.

Sometimes I wonder.
I feel I'm going
two kinds of crazy.

the first is
ordinary madness

the second is
extraordinary insanity.

Yet somehow, they mix into a great fog.
Impenetrable.

They'll say, She's come undone.
Slowly unraveled,
like an old knit sweater
each thread floating up
to dissolve in the sky
or is it the sea? one's just a bit wetter

It happened slowly.
Such a shame.
Like the frog that was boiled;
she hopped out a bit too late.
one word at a time
slipped from her grasp
like that one tiny eggshell taunting
"TORO! TORO!"
can't grab a word by its horns.

I ad lib, substituting a synonym.

I snap out of the sky(ocean)
regrounding myself.

The madness is perhaps early Alzheimer's.
I'm too young to grow old.

The insanity feels more like I'm trapped
but outside my head.
A balloon a careless child let go of.
I drift
dream.
wonder.    
unraveling        
continuously.          

I think my problem is that
I don't believe in reality anymore.

How do I know England exists?
How do I know we landed on the moon?
How do I know that my friend is real?
How do I know I'm not dreaming?
How do I know I'm not someone else's dream?

Once you think about it-
you realize
You don't know - and you can't prove-
Anything

I suppose that's why I believe in God.
He grounds me.

Nothing else makes sense.

I once felt love,
True love in detail
The kind that people act out,
Pretend/believe/desire/crave/hope to be in.
She would wait for me,
Legs open, mouth dripping.
Infatuated by my scent,
Moist to my touch.
We were divine in movement,
Excelling in performance.
A state of euphoria found only in Eden.

Now she’s with another—simple as that.