Am I the rain?
Am I the pain?
Am I one alone? Or one relatable?

Are we different? 
Are we the rainfall upon pain?

No..
I am the wandering heart..
The one apart.  Defeatable..
Paradoxical

The man who swore an oath to Hope..

So raise your glass..
Celebrate..
Let the fake smiles amass.

Open the floodgates of broken hearts where fleeting hope departs..

Hold me down.. drown me
Know me
See me

Let me wander..
For I am the rain..

I fall relentlessly..

Can you feel my heart?

Take me home..

Silence in the sound
Rushing.. breakdown inbound
Don't seek my heart
Its guarded from love walls up strong

Because this heart was torn asunder It was so slowly ripped apart

Don't try, kiss a chance soon to be broken apart goodbye til your attempt's hope departs

Walls of love made of love to keep love away it hurts I'm now this way.

I'm not unique love's future is bleak..

People got a mean streak..
Such is fate.. Is it too late?

Sly to defy words are lies we lash from inside..

Real or fake does it matter?

I may lie to defy myself as you lie to defy yourself to not cry.. But look into the mirror..

Look into eyes, dark spotted lashes invisible sable cells of sorrow..

Do you regret you?
Or is it a memory you see?..

Such cold silence in life, its sound..

Take me home..

I pass days by as days pass by as if time-frozen my body moves foward but the soul is downward bound. My heart still unfound.

This agony. This pain. This loneliness to hurt me slow..

Keep my head up? Yeah.. I know.. Its what I do best no need to put it to a test

They all say that but do they believe in that? Assaulted by the endurance of a long held lonely nothingness I realize this is my life.

Always shall fall my soul-hued paindrops in rhyme yet still in time my heartrain falls harder so much less visible..

I'm invisible..

I'm so invisible..

A leech of the smile. I preach self-denial. I want to escape from myself as I lose myself from within myself..

A far reach for hope feel like I'm hung by a rope
I knew I'd end up broken inside have been awhile

I prayed for happy but nope..
I prayed for family but have no hope

I live obligated to stay
While I hope for brighter days..

Its one day to many days again and again.. But when will this end after so many years? Its been nothing but tears..

I want to feel again..

Find my soul.
Make me real.

A spark..
A thought..

A simple thought while hearts wane..
Apart from personal gain..

We want it..

Even though it riddles us..
With bullets of pain..

So strong yet weak..
But never unseeked..

Cupid shoots billions so how in heaven can he miss so many?

And only hit millions?

I feel alone in being alone but I'm not alone feeling lonesome on my own unknown, unshown, hidden, unspoken, and never home..

And it rips me apart.. This truth of broken hearts..

This horrible fact.. This thought..

These people torn apart..
So scared to love again..

We can't even start..

Apologetic, I prematurely meant it
Magnetic to pain, ironic ain't it?
Turned the car, I crashed

Yet it still functions..

Backup, U-turn, find a new lane
Gun this engine, speed to a junction

No left no right, straight through to any light, how do I function?

Still apologetic, this angel, this demon, this friend and foe, from heaven to hell I wreak havoc so hectic on me and I with my image, these lies, I exist as a living demise

Give me a soul paramedic from an era nostalgic, its denial, selflessly neglectic, this heart prosthetic, shoulda known it, fake smiles curtain call themselves to fall they are a facade of lies sourced from embarrassment, simple self-harrasment in a time gray-hued, undertoned in black I feel my heart, beating strong, fast, under attack..

Drive, just drive, drive and never stop
Foward forever..

Just drive..

Make me numb..

Let me feel..
Is this real?

I can't heal or kneel
Just too tired to pray
Doesn't matter anyway

I'm those eyes in the mirror
A sadness denied

I'm messy hair in early morning
Before its combed into a lie

I'm invisible tears when the real ones run out..

Smiles forced into beautiful lies..

Cut open my darkened sky
Spill me miracles from above

Give and shield me from love..

Hysterical quietly.. I want to raze my past of sorrow

Spill forth a brighter morrow from this bleeding shatter-glass sky..

Make me into a bird..

My smiles and laughs..
Happiness implied..
But its just a lie..
Set me free..

Let me fly..

The daily upset
The nightly unrest

A muse abused

Regret set in stone I feel alone..
I can't feel me as reopened are my wounds


Life in shambles I tread high waters through kindness' brambles, its hate from fate, its love from hate, its truth I can't debate..

A muse abused aptly used..

Taking solace in this night..
To survive the daily heart-hurt fight..