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510 · Jan 2019
a message to my lover.
Chiara Jan 2019
I have never really understood what love really meant until you showed me.
There is not one time where I feel alone or afraid in the midst of your love
You love me enough to make me want to clear out the mess that I have been hoarding at the back of my mind
The mess of the past that I haven’t had the courage to clean
As much as these memories pain me, I hold onto them.
I think maybe if I push them so far back they will never resurface again
Or maybe it’s because that painful “love” was all I knew and so I am holding on to it
But these theories mean nothing to me.
Nothing seems to make sense to me but when I’m with you everything seems clear.
Even when the conflict in my mind seems to be the only thing I can hear, I can look at you once and feel at ease.

Though everything I loved had been stolen from me by a person who claimed to love me
Your love was able to revive the hopeless and dying pieces I was left with into something even more beautiful for me to love.
You showed me the joy in music
You revived the romance in me
You’ve turned my sad poems into happy ones
And although I will always remain a hopeless romantic, a dreamer
You’ve transformed me into a hope full romantic
Someone who is full of hope for the future.

I can never seem to phrase my sentences but somehow when I talk to you it comes together
You bring my whole life together. The missing piece of my puzzle.
Thinking about you makes my chest hurt sometimes and as I write the pain lingers
You make me feel so many emotions at once that my body reacts in the only way it has been accustomed to and that is feeling pain
But the more I think about you, the more i see only joy, no pain and no sadness
And the pain subsides and is replaced by butterflies in my stomach
And I am petrified of butterflies but because they are a product of your love, I have grown to love them myself.
And I am petrified of loving someone as deeply as I do you but because the product of your love for me is joy in my life, I want to be the source of joy in yours.

A home is where one should feel most comfortable
And I was never able to understand the proverb of home is where the heart is
but you’ve made a home for my heart comfortably with yours and now everything seems clear.
My heart resides with you and so my home is you.
And I know that this is dangerous territory I am walking on because now you have all the power to take my heart and shatter it
But this risk I’m willing to take because for your love I would give you my heart to shatter a thousand times over and over again.

But you, my love, are only capable of good.
The love you have for me, for others is enough proof of that.
You took an empty and broken vessel and turned it into something full of life.
You’ve turned my sleepless nights into something other than just me flooding my sorrows into my pillow case
You’ve turned the thought of my future into something other than just my survival, something other than just “making it another day”
You are who I owe all my progress to because since you’ve walked into my life you’ve been the only reason why I want to do well.
And, my love, when I tell you that I love you I mean it.

— The End —