I gave my voice to a pen
It wrote for me everything that I couldn’t speak of
The questions I was looking for
and the answers I already knew
The paper was my only surrender
Something I am still learning to do

Tangled legs
   Under the sheets
My arm
   Our pillow
Your hair
   Flowing underneath your head
      Like golden streams leaving your scent
Your skin
   Soft as silk
Your face
   Still and peaceful
Your breath
   Slow and steady
      A prefect lullaby willing me to sleep
I drift away
Lost in your serenity
Never wanting to get up

It's 11pm and
I still haven't eaten yet,
been drinking
alcohol and coffee
to fill my stomach.
Maybe you'll love me better
if I was prettier, skinnier,
if I just wasn't me.
Your name is in the bottom
of every bottle, your lips
are stained where my mouth
falls on this cup of coffee,
and your breath is falling
out of my cigarettes and
into my mouth.

She lives so far away
At the other end of my world
That far she would not say
So far that it hurts my soul
When she is about to fall asleep
Here, my clock says bip bip
She greets me with a Good morning sunshine
That instantly makes me feel fine
But when it is her turn for a few hours to disappear
Into sadness I am about to fall near.

Absence makes the heart go insane,
At 3:17 on a Friday morning the darkness smothers me in pain.

I hold heavy thoughts and my mascara stained sheets, 
Endless what ifs and true foolishness meets.

Clutching my head tears blurring the shapes I can see,
I sit up and discover the only person here is me.

It's just me who understands and just me who hears me cry,
This pattern of realisation is to consistent to deny.

When you tell me I'm not alone your words must be false,
You're not the one engulfed in sadness with an Absence in their pulse.

You keep telling me I'm not alone but when I can't hear his breath,
I'm abandoned,forgotten,living in dark loneliness.

Drink the wild air
with me. ****** me
with your devil's eyes.
     Fill my veins with your
     lovely venom tonight
     and make me your slave.
I won't even mind if you
sink in your **** fangs
and drink out of the fountain
     of pain flowing in my
     every vein. All I know
     is that I crave you from
     the skin to the bone* ~