I think I'm still drenched by the sins you projected onto me
And no amount of baptisms
Will release me from the sins
You threw out of your own mind
Onto me
Because they stuck like sticky **** thorns
And burrowed deep
Under the skin
Where you can't see.

Raised religious
Constantly in pain
From all of the de-thorning.

Oh how deliciously in love I am
With the you I made in my head.
I'm quite fond of daydreams.
It keeps away the dread.

Toxic fantasies.
Tantalizing delicacies.

Lies so sweet that they almost feel real.
Deceit to myself
Has always been better
Than anybody else.

I could bathe myself in the darkness.
Rubbing it into my every pore.
Licking it off my fingertips
As if it's the most decadent dark chocolate,
As it rains and drips down my
Cream colored body ever so slowly,
Like black, hot, candle wax.

I surrender.

I succumb to it.
I let the pure dark
Touch me in every place I ever tried to hide and cover.
I tried to deny my own animal
And now I'm ready to be ravished.
Teeth and nails sunk in.
Desperately clawing my soft skin,
Breaths that hardly make it in.
Agonizing for release.

I surrender.
Here for the taking.
Naked and bare.
And God I want you,
ohhh how
I want you.

Sometimes when I hear certain
Songs
I see you there,
Singing behind them.

Sometimes
I really wish that I could just ask God if I can come home now.

Why is there always a pit of despair in the back of my existence, always waiting for it to be quiet enough for me to remember it, to feel it, to acknowledge it's presence?

Why doesn't it matter how many times I heal, how many times I cry it out, talk it out, meditate it out, **** it out, drink it out, smoke it out, release it to God, to the devil, to ******* anyone who can just make the ******* agony disappear but it never actually goes anywhere?!?

It always comes back.

It's almost as if existence was the curse.
Is the curse.

A ******* prison planet of lies, delusions, poisons, distractions, and illusions.

It is so hard to feel like
I am constantly fighting against my nature.

Maybe death
Would bring true Life.

I am the Great Awakener.

I will bring you to your knees in humility.
I will show your shadow the light.
I speak truth.
I breathe truth, I bathe in the everlasting light of truth
and I will shatter your very fragile realities.

I will show you every reason
To stop the lies.
To yourself and others.

Wrap you inside a cocoon of transformation
and I will force you open, ready or not,
And spread your wings wide so that you can fly too.

Fly in your truth, in your light,
and we can show the world
the One and the way.