my path is satiation
rage is my recreation
no more delineation
i crave your liberation
im caught in my own mire
bound up by my desires
cage of my own creation
im stuck between relations
sacraments and medication
breathed into my being
divisions my denomination
emptiness is what i'm feeling

all my hopes ive been misplacing
i lose my head in circle tracing
lines throughout my thoughts
fight to twist, untwist, each place they cross
i guess maybe i'm lost
and so i look for signs
create them where they're not

they say that desperate times
call for desperate measures
im so desperate for pleasure
i mistake it for pain
so hungry for help,
i could drown in a drop of rain
so take me deeper
i'm already under
what more is there to loose
ill breathe in fear
im underwater
this is the death i choose

sacraments not meant for tasting
ive spent my whole life chasing
but my life and self are recreating
and my guilt God is erasing

'98
It was a good year
Twenty-twelve
It was better

I met you
I never knew
Brown eyes

Could see inside my soul
Empty my whole heart
At the same time
You make me feel whole

Two thousand fifteen
That's how many years
It seems like have passed
Since I kissed you last

Seventeen years old
Some years left to go
Some I will love
Some I won't know

Many years remembered
Many memories to make
Many hearts forgotten
Many, mine, will break

Years of time stretch high
Some to kiss into the sky

Moments that taste
Like popcorn
Oreos
Smell like rain
Feel like my fingers
On a taught bow string
Taste like pavement after a storm
Look a rainbow

Hide and seek
Time to keep
Kiss to give
Moments to live

it nonsensical that i'm cynical
when love has always been  my pinnacle
i created a false dichotomy
between being loved and never being hurt
but that's just it, loving takes a lot of me
and it's covered me in years of blood and dirt
but that can't bury it's worth
i plunged my hands into the earth
expecting a dagger that laid dormant,
but the beauty that i found was stark, and storming
sharp, and thorny,
but with petals too, uncurling
not yet in full bloom, but soon
A  white rose will come under another moon
licked by drops of blood,
pricked from my fetid wounds.

my pills smell like a hospital
this bookstore smells like my grandma
the faint reminiscence of old memories
cloud the only five senses I own.
I start to wonder if this life is becoming idle
if this IV lining my arms is broken again.
If I have enough will to stay.
These pills smell like a hospital-
and I'm worried you will find me there someday
withered from this world I can't tolerate enough to stay.
But these pills seem to help me stay.
Remind me why I'm alive-
this smell reminds me to stay away.
When the blade calls my name I don't listen anymore
when you call my name I don't listen anymore
I've been seeing your face too often
and not hearing my own voice enough.
I start to think nostalgia and you share the same interests
like you both started a google drive document
and shared the file with me and now it's all I see.
You can edit my life for me
and no matter what I continue to write
you change the font
and reformulate my sentences.
I wish I didn't exist.
Then I smell my grandma in this empty bookstore
and feel the pages against my fingers again.
I'm here whether I like it or not.
You were here whether I like or not.
Paying too much attention to madness
and not enough to bliss
I take up too much time thinking
and not enough doing.
25mg isn't enough anymore
and each time the clock strikes 9
my mind likes to contemplate quitting you.
But I smell the hospital again
convince myself to stay away from that place.
The pill hits my tongue and travels down my throat.
I don't think anymore.
I don't want to know.
I am home-
here in this bookstore
with the smell faintly touching my nostril
with the pills lining my nose
with you writing me apology notes
that sound too **** familiar.
I wish to erase you from my retinas.
I don't want to see you anymore.
I hoped these pills would help-
but they make things more clear for me.
You're face has been all I see
now I seem to be losing me
where did I go?
where am I again?
why are you the only face I recognize?

Simply don't care if you comprehend
You are you and I'm still not certain
And I really truly don't give a ****
Please just don't second guess instinct
I'll say please if you care to please me
Maybe then we'll take that long ride
Simply step away and keep that fervor
Just enough to ride us into places
Those places until now yet unseen
Even though I say I dont really care
You know that truth so just come near

There she sits my sweet love
in the valley of lilies
her hair swept back by kind warm winds
summer has come to her wonder sweet

I hide on the hilltop and watch her as she sings
and all around birds she does bring
my heart does pound
as in the valley her voice resounds

Oh what a beauty she is
and she is mine
her surprise will be
that I am back and fine

So I watch her
ready to surprise her
that I am back again
to marry her

But for now I just watch her
as she sings picking white peace lilies
the ring I have for her finger
is just for her and no other


By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris

If I asked you to join me
In gravitating towards a
Parallel universe of love
Where we would be the
Opposite of ourselves
But it would be okay my
Most affectionate love
Because we would be
Together in this world
And every other world
So let is journey to our
Other worldly home so
Let us go to never be
Apart and never be alone
Just in each of the known
Dimensions we thrive
To kiss your lips always
So you can stay alive <3

Strangers passing in the hallway

I once knew you very well my dear

We could have taken over the world,
But now

We're just like everyone else

How do you do it?
Pretending that this life is worth something

When it's something that we once would have killed with a vengeance.

I want more.
More than shallow conversations
Trivialities about our life

You ask me how my day at work was,
Distracted, staring at your phone
Your constant companion

Fine, I tell you
(Even though it was not )
You don't want to know. I don't want to tell you.

I can't participate in this farce any longer.



We're not friends.

Haven't you noticed?


I can't keep my head above water
And have the energy for another shallow relationship

With someone who I once loved
With my entire being

R.I.P

Your coming home
I'll see your face
I missed you more than the sun
I always knew you were the one
Let the rain wash away
All the pain of yesterday
I know a heartbreak awaits
But I've forgiven your mistakes
You coming home
Your coming home
I'll kiss your face
I miss your more than the stars
Cuz you sparkle so afar
Your coming home
And my heart wont be alone