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shika Aug 16
I want to be like him.
Take all the hate, the ugliness this world has to offer
And not let it change me.
Only fuel my desire to change, help the hurt, and heal the broken.

True kindess, true love, the strongest tidal wave of change and light.

To be able to hurt and sit with the pain and my broken brother and sisters, and not let hate fill me.

Because Hate seems like one of those things that makes it easy to take self righteous and understandable anger, transforms it into a harmful force, no matter the rightous cause.

And if one can harness true love and kindness, and not let it change the heart and soul into a weapon, not let the evil and darkness poison it, but rather rise above

That's a real super power

You can do what you want to me, yell about my perceived weaknesses. Try to tear me down, try to make me angry and bitter,

But I wont stop loving you. I wont stop believing in your intrinsic worth. We may battle for right and wrong, may disagree and fight,

But you will never cease to be a being deserving of mercy, grace, love. And redemption

We can be better. Let's be better.
shika Jun 2018
The pressure weighs down.
Sometimes suffocating.
But it's all I have left.

My lifeline.

The feelings are gone.
Emotions, only quick fleeting.
Than nothing.

Joy for a min. Anger. Pain. Sadness. Then once again,
Empty.

My love for you I know exists, even if I can no longer feel it.

My love for you is deep, and lasting,
Even if my arms lack the warmth
And my body has lost its emotions.

So if I can't give you pure unabondoned joyous love,

Then let me love you with this new normal.

Let my physical acts
Make up for the loss of sparkle in my eyes.
And the loss of who you once knew.
I am your slave out of choice
Knowing that who I was is gone,
And trying to make peace with who I am now.

I will preserve what is left
If only to stay with you and be there for you
As little as that can mean now.
I am.afraid that some trauma can never be healed. That I can never recover who I was before. And with what is left I mourn for that prior me. And for what you lost. And your trauma of having to live with this
ghost.
shika Mar 2018
Sometimes we have to suffer for our sins.
Our carelessness a grenade, it's pin half pulled.
Just because we don't mean to do evil, doesn't mean we don't.
And just because we have good intentions it doesn't mean they turn out well.
And sometimes,
We deserve to suffer for the pain we've cause.
shika Feb 2018
I watched a video of you today

And all I cold think was how ******* strong you looked.
And I'm grateful. Really grateful for that moment when your strong body and strong mind was forefront
Instead of what I usually see, a broken mind and a blown apart face.

Because most of your life
Was a celebration of it.
And you were able to be there and be here and love and live and laugh and cry

The last six months of your life have dominated mine the last five years. And I'm hoping that the old memories will spring forth soon.
I hope that they're not ruined.
Like a water soaked book
Abandoned and allowed to dry together

Dear Lord,
Let me remember.
Because those times, may have been the best in my life.
And with you gone. All I have is the memories.
shika Feb 2017
Sometimes I can almost hear your laughter, manical and alive. I think perhaps its what I miss most. If I could go back, I would stay and fight. I would say all the words I wish I could now. I wouldn't let you go.
******* for teaching me the biggest lesson I've ever learned.
(Thank you for teaching me the biggest lesson I've ever learned. )
Just trying to gain a little perspective in the worst experience of my life.
shika Feb 2017
I miss desperately everything you represent.
You too.
I miss you selfishly. I miss how good, and young, and hopeful I felt around you.
But also, just desperately miss your friendship
Our conversations. Our laughter. Car drives and mix tapes.
And I miss our kind of friendship.
Surprisingly deep.
And kind.
And wonderful.

and I wonder,
Do you miss it too?

Is that why you stutter
And stumble.
Make awkward small talk.
And get away as fast as you can.
I hope not.

And I wish you
The very best.

We could never be
What you hoped
But we were wonderful for a time.
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