when you tell yourself you deserve what you're getting can u call it settling what if the happiness you truly deserve are the ones that doesn't knock in front of your doorstep and tell you to accept it maybe it is the one you need to find when you're about to give up on everything else then you thought of the reason why some things still matter to you maybe happiness is the echo of your cries at 3 am hoping to forget and start again the only thing that stops you from seeing the light is your eyes who doesnt want to shed a tear i saw myself in the mirror and thought of how many times people left me and the bitter taste of the coffee that stained my shirt i remember seeing everyone try to smile when the only thing that's good is the word nothing i hope someday someone would pay attention someone would dare to tell me im lost i am drowning when i am supposed to enjoy the sand in my feet i do not want to merely sit in front of the television just to tell people the scenario of the old films flashing in front of my eyes i dont want to tell myself im happy when the only thing i care about is how people intertwine their hands with a stranger

you said you'll never do
the thing that frightened me the most
but in the end
you did it anyway - you left me hanging

best friends can break your heart too and just as a lover might you are going to cry.
constricted chest, you are going to walk swiftly past her like she was never the one who sat in the car next to you as you cried into your knees.
you left a sweatshirt at her house and she borrowed your favorite book.
these are things you arent going to ask to have back because maybe she'll ask for you back.
you have matching names on tumblr and both of you are waiting for the other to change it to something else.
remember when you walked home with her and you picked flowers and laced them through each others hair,
remember how you two were always changing but always at the same time,
remember how she was the only one who knew how to handle your emotions.
she is gone now, and youre not exactly sure why.
maybe she needs space.
maybe you have been replaced.
maybe you became too much,
maybe she changed but this time you didnt,
maybe it was just time to let go.
either way your heart is broken and there is no one there to sit next to you in the car as you cry into your knees.

In a garden of bleeding roses
An unimaginable number of unforgotten bruises
With all the broken promises
What shall I believe in all these voices?