Happy
             thoughts
                           slide
                                      happily
                                                down
                                                        the
                                                                tips
                                                   of my
                                    eyelashes
                       and tougue.
          Look at me.
                     I am glad to be here
Look at me.

You have exactness in your silence
A mouth full of words lay too heavy on your toungue
We wait in existence for the artist in our minds to create something wonderful

But all that comes out is heavy silence.

I talk too much,
unintentionally annoying those around me.
I am selfish.
I am far too kind to those who don't deserve it.
I drink orange juice from the carton.
I over think everything.
I'm childish.
I have flaws.
I am human.
I am flawed.
That's ok.

Sometimes I feel like I soley existed to teach you that life isn't as hard as you thought it up to be.
I existed only to make you look differently at that song you used to love.
You called me for my skin, I heard it in your voice.
You thought it was hilarious when I cut my bangs and chipped my tooth.
I was pretty when I swayed to your favorite music.
Only then you didn't see my fear.
Didn't know I'd wake sweating thinking of your smile in the dark.
But this isn't about me its about you.
Its about your chipped teeth, your fear of heights, your parents, your habits, your picky taste, your unusual family members, etcetera.
And yeah I know. You'll think about me when your 40 in your bed with your wife.
And for a moment you remember that every time you touched me I shivered.
But I'm a manic dream.
So you close your eyes to sleep.

I wanna be the thoughts in your head.
Is that selfish?

For some reason the blood that
drip drip dripped
from your lips looked like honey
and the galaxy that poured from your veins looked wonderful to touch
but it took the iron taste on my lips
and the razors in my skin
too see
Love is poison best served warm

I need to become what I need
so I quit looking for it in the arms of the wrong men

I remember thinking I needed you to supply the thread to close up my bleeding heart. I thought I needed your apology, listing the ways you broke me.  
I don't.
I gave you my best and that enough is closure.

I can't feel my fingers, or yours as they touch my neck.
I can't see your mouth opening to encompass skin.
I feel nothing.
I feel nothing.
I feel nothing.
I am nothing.
I am nothing.
I am nothing.

In you I find shelter
In you I found love
In you I seek faith
For you I live

Late at night I have theses thoughts
I dream of you and your tan sheets
When the anxiety and dizzieness leave
I drown in you
My heart is in my stomach
How am I to move it?

Time is the best teacher.
So in every moment, I'm evolving, just like you.

I never met a better fighter
than my fear
I am a boxer in a ring
My fear
She is the better fighter
But I am stronger

It isn't easy
to become something new
It isn't easy

The way your smile bends
That's poetry
Lazy circles of half asleep fingers
A hazy look
That's poetry

I am ready to fall for you
Chest open
Eyes full
Hands reaching
New love  
Heart racing
Skin tingling
Palms sweating
Love
In my fist sits my soul
Open to you
I wear my feelings inside out
I. Can. Give. You. New. Love.
Please,
Let me give it to you.

I've been saving my fourth of July's for someone.
Saving my sun-soaked, freckled, dry lipped smiles for someone.
Saving all my mistletoe, skin-tingling, late night, snow catching kisses for someone.
Saving my sand covered, popsicle colored, rainy days.
And I'm gonna tell him I haven't been waiting for him, I've only been creating. Creating a world full of stories he can look through.

The faces of all those who have touched me in some way,
flicker being me like ghosts.
"Fate."
I say.
Is what keeps them here.
"Will we meet again?"
Oh, I hope so.
I hope so.

It's good to have mornings back again.

There's something about driving at night,
the way the pavment glows
with florescent light,
the seats behind you
quiet with sleeping bodies.
The soft hum of tire to road.
The moon following you
like a hopeless romantic,
there's something about driving at night

Entire heavens are cheering me on, please don't tell me I can't.

I just wanted to say that everything's ok.
It gets better.
One step at a time,
one day at a time it gets better. Smiles last longer.
Relief comes.
It's worth it,
hold on.
Don't give up.
The sun rises.
You can try again.

The contrast of space and time and light and dark will forever sting, the dark will forever carry dark foreboding things, but I never fear the dark. I brought a flashlight.

"You ok?"
You asked as your fingers traced the parts of me I was scared of.
Nodding I closed my eyes and tried to think of anything else but the red beanbag beneath me and the dark hair in my hands.

It isn't nightmares that keep me awake now.
It's you

I am a woman, yet I am still growing.
Filling into spaces.
growing out of shoes and people.

She was filled with so much.
So much love.
So much kindness.
She kept pouring into people,
and the waterfall inside her cried.