blood rushes under my skin
as you leave me in a panic
my eyes blur at the sight of you leaving me
alone, again
stuck in this heat.
I could do without the teasing
but I see it has no meaning

It is familiar but new
like visiting an old park
where you are my new swing
and I am sitting where I always sit
wrapped around another finger

but even at this desk we are too close together
you say little and I fear I say too much
you study stats as I study the way you sigh,
how you look away when you talk,
and how tired you look right now.

I will stay because  
I feel something strange when we embrace
enough to make me want you after hours
we cuddle ****, huzzah! but do you even like me?

hello again depression, I knew you would be back.
When I hit another low
even though I am alone
I feel myself surrounded,
by the chattering crowd below.
Drown out by my heart beat
that suffocates my mind
I breathe through the contractions
and casually check the time
I've got nothing planned today
but to get my *** in line

i want to be an artist
but only by my own hand and heart
because I have finally decided
that I am the only voice in my head that matters!
No amount of pity comparison
from some unwanted third party
will give me justice
I want everyone
whose ever told me that my work is
"better than anything they could've done",
to stick their half-assed compliment
right back where it came,
from the depths of their pitiful ego.
As if their low self esteem would get me anywhere
when sadly it doesn't, actually,
I feel like my art isn't worth **** when told that!
It leaves me feeling unsatisfied, like the feeling you get
when your'e awarded the participation medal..
I wan to scream at the people who think they can give
criticism in envy
I want them to shred my canvas to its very sketch
I want them to throw it off the roof
in a fit of anger and disgust.
I want them to set it a blaze in ridicule.
I want someone to snap it over their knee
and challenge my ideals.
But no, instead I will receive a measly
"well at least it's better than I could've done"

Lately, I've been feeling very afraid
of my friends and family
and those who think less of me.
I confide in some, but not all
I don't think tonight was a good call..
When I hit my head and saw clearly for once
I see the thoughts that you want to hide

Who do you doubt
when your trust has been ****** back at you
with the lies spread out on the table in front of you
whose to blame when the knot is just too much
to untangle
when the petty **** becomes ammo
Who would've thought that
standing up to my doubts
would mean standing alone
in the eyes of the bitter sweet truth
I wish I was free of what you've done to me