There is so much more to life than the occurrences of the people around you.
Go inside your head.
Have a fantasy.
Wander somewhere.
Move on, or back up.
Stop focusing on the dramatic ******* wrecking you inside. Run away from it, or put a stop to it.

I guess my point is
Just take a **** walk.
None of this matters. None of this is ever going to matter.
You are not here to please others. You're a sweet person; be good with that.

Try leaving to nowhere in particular and pray for it to rain.

Why do I have such a desire for the distraction of others? It's like I cannot take myself for even five ******* minutes and at this point I'm wondering if it's me or you and I don't know why my feelings are so vulnerable to your presence.

Falling.
Drifting away; out of sight.
Hands slip from my grasp as you fade into the fog.
Mist covers your skin like leeches
Fending for themselves
Pulling you apart.
You are engulfed.
I reach for your fingertips
Feeling nothing but mist.
I fight for your electric shock
Spiking my need like venom
Slipping into my drink
And I sip it down.
Down poison.
The glass meets my hands without warning.
Shards fighting me back
Going under
Floating under
Gone

electric pulses
singing the skin
hearing her cries
desperate to win
lies when she can
plasters a grin
head games as always
pushing them in
what kind of mother
poisons her kin
and cries to the heavens
'it's my children who sin!'

locked and loaded
she steadies her hand
reaching for flame.

dwindling light
trickling down her fingers
burning...
relief

Take these slashes
Take these wounds
Take these scratches
Take this gloom

Take them from my arms and legs
Rake them from my night and day
Shake them from my heart and soul
To make them hide is my new goal

Move them from my weakened mind
Smooth them over, neat and fine
Remove them from what's torn inside
Approve of what is left that's mine

Erase what's evil inside there
Replace it with goodness and care
Encase what's left, for it is rare
And chase away the deadly snares

I hope to escape this mess freed
I want to like what's there of me
I hate what lurks and was released
I was a brutal, futile beast

I am emotionless. Indifferent.
Gazing in the mirror before me, I make eye contact with the reflection
Yet...
I feel nothing. There is no connection between what I see and what I am. Total detachment.
I blink; I breathe.
Just watching myself from a distance.
I've gone blank.
  
No longer are there sparks beneath my skin.
In my eyes the light is gone.
All that remain are black bottomless pits.
The story behind them fights to stay alive.

I cannot call this person staring back at me myself.
If so, the truth must be mistaken.
Please?
How can this person
Thriving on past anger and hate
Be the young creature once perceived as a mixture of happiness, solitude, and stability?
A mind once holding hope, now contains despair.

The girl I look at appears lost or dazed
Maybe imagining she is within some strange galaxy where she can be rediscovered.
Still her entity lingers
Searching for something.
For what once was and never will be.
How can this cloak of loss and unfathomable emptiness be described to one who does not understand?
To one who still has hope?

It's as if this past self of mine, who was once calm and carefree, simply stares back at me from the eyes of this new empty hopeless fool.
The entity of life and emotion once dwelling there has stopped rattling her cages.

'She' is now just another glimmering streak to float about and be forgotten.
Where is the energy and vitality that once pulsed through the veins of this innocent young woman?
Has she discovered a nonexistent fate?
An addition to this madness?
It is a brutal crime done to oneself.

She will not tire or wake from this haze until someone containing light can reach her;
Clutch her by her strings and make her move, for she is a lifeless puppet.

The crank on her back has turned one time too many, and she is giving up.
Stopping point blank on the path that was headed for the future.
Where to go now?
Warm and joyful memories glide by and leave, but there is no urge to smile.

When will this person staring back at me succumb this brutal cycle?
She is not one to know, for she is a warp of empty.

Ever so slowly you fade away.
Bit by bit, some more each day.
There is no pain, you are receding.
And down inside, your heart is bleeding.

Numb and cold
You are so bold.
       …
Mummy this isn't who you are.
The woman you once were has traveled afar.
I miss you, mum. And this is true.
But there is nothing I can do.

Brace yourself for a small pinprick.
Mummy you will feel a bit sick.
Ha! Oh wait, you already are.
And I feel like all I've left are scars.

Oh god, how I wish I could help!
Yet all I do is make you melt.
Slipping through my fingers, and into the lords.
Daily you strum my weak heart’s cords.

And as I pour my soul out to you, it will make little difference...
Because you are a brick wall, soft to the touch.

Cold. Constricting.
Well, the mental choke that happened restrict me from speaking was.
Shh, don’t tell a soul.
It’s our secret, remember?
Except, in fact, there was no secret at all.
Everyone could read it on my face.
They knew what I had done… at least, what I had been accused of.
I couldn't utter even a whisper.
Not as all eyes latched their accusatory glares onto my fear-stricken face.
Chills went up my spine; wrapped around my conscience in wispy streaks like a soft caress of the dead… or the guilty.
But it was him.
I just knew it.
He was here.
Although, he could not be seen.
Only I could recognize his presence.
Calling to me, ever so softly.
I ended him, so they thought.
It was my fault, they thought.
He could not be at rest until I spoke up for him.
But I was innocent.
I tried to save him.
And maybe he would save me too.
It was either agree to the false and be imprisoned for eternity….
Or deny what was the truth and be put to death.
I will die innocent.
“I did not end his life. I will be bound to the truth until death itself clutches me, placing my soul with the angels. Take me away.”
As everyone gasped, appalled, I marched to my death...

Only leaving behind fear and a pair of silver cuffs.

It was that day.
That moment.
Those few piercing seconds that changed everything.
An abrupt impact of emotion rippling through my veins.
Shattering my bones.
Time was slowing, ticking almost, in time with the beat of my pulse.
No longer was there fear, but a sweet tranquil haven in my mind.
No more seething.
No more destroying any slice of happiness that I may have contained.
It was over. Everything.
Safe.