eyes swollen, eyes red,
and inside, my heart lies dead.
cheeks red, cheeks wet.
this cancer stick hasn't killed me yet.
shirt wet, shirt stained,
shirt stained with the blood and tears from my pain.
wrists stained, wrists marked,
our ¨love story¨ is f*cking tearing me apart.
the map is still marked, the map is right here...
that map was just ripped up out of fear.
you were here, but now you're gone.
i'm sorry for showing up drunk and puking on your lawn.
if im gone, if i left this world tonight,
would i see you again in the afterlife?
parts of my life, parts of my soul,
you still have some; you always made me feel whole.
your letters are drenched, your letters are tore.
your sweet words aren't spoken or written to me anymore.
your clothes are here, your clothes have stayed,
but your scent has gone; i wish it didn't fade.
i don't know why i'm still writing; you'll never read this.
maybe it's because i miss your hands, and your lips.
and your eyes, and that beautiful laugh.
and that smile... you always were my better half.
ashes falling, im inhaling.
before i know it, im on my knees praying.
wailing.
then on my back, laying,
waiting
to see you again.
to hold you again.
im counting to ten.
one.
too many tears, i can't see.
two.
even if it's not true, please tell me you love me.
three.
i can't breathe, what if i pass out?
four.
will you carry me home, and tell me what your dreams are about?
five.
i hope you'd say, ¨always you¨, like you did before.
six.
but that's impossible; you don't love me anymore.
seven.
i should stop counting, im not a thought in your mind.
eight.
but baby, i just can't leave our love behind.
nine.
i know when i open my eyes, you won't be here.
ten.
the pain im feeling from your absence is severe,
and now it's clear.
your voice is all that i hear.
but you're still gone, you'll always be everywhere but here.
and now, just like you,
i wanna disappear for forever, too.

©️ 2017-2018 CARINA RODRIGUEZ ALL RIGHTS RESERVED