I spoke those words, and
immediately almost choked on them
I always second guess decisions,
usually I conclude I made the wrong one

but with you it felt right, at first
now I'm only left with doubts, and the thought
that maybe it was all too soon
because there's only silence between us

you rarely open up to me
yet when you do, I feel loved
the moment is always fleeting
with you, it's  either feast or famine

now I am scared to death to even talk to you
I'm scared that I might've lost you
scared of what you'll say, or not say
when all I really want to know is...

do you feel the same way about me?

i am the girls you haven’t kissed
the patch of skin below your wrist
i am the sky dark before dawn
your hair before you cut it, blonde and long
i am your neighbors window, a grocery bag
i am the best and the worst thing you’ve never had

you’ll dream of me as soon as i leave
i’ll pretend i don’t know that you watched me sleep
whispered my name, it was almost noon
wiped my eyes and swallowed the moon
thought about you on the train ride home
i’m not allowed to love you, i’ll leave you alone

i think im inlove with you
as in that fluttering
high strung
feeling in your heart
that for now,
seems like
unattainable love
sinking into my chest.
a love that consists of
an occassional loss of words
i find myself speechless
over and over again
but i'm just waiting,
waiting for the perfect time
that i know will never come
i find myself resisting the urge
to just simply ask,
then i've lost,
i can’t fight it
i don’t think i even want to

half a cup of
perfectly sculpted hair
yeilds a quarter
of a suburban style
& a tragic obsession
with the american flag
stirred in with a dash of
unquestionably good shoes-
a hint of stripes
adorned with a
a scruffy flannel armor-
blended of color palettes
mixed in with
your matching blacks,
& a quarter dozen
ankle boots with
banded legwarmers to match.
toss in a pair of leggings
a couple of two cent beanies
and plaid button downs
thoroughly wrapped around
your nether bottom &
a fanciful coffee
in hand prettified
with a binding bracelet
telling me
to creatively and
elusively
*******

you were just another mistake
and never will anybody say
you are everything that i am
when the truth is,
you were just a wandering passerby
thinking that
my love for you was so vast
was just another illusion, and we both know
leaving you
was all i've ever thought about.
from the way you walk to the way you talk
drove me on edge,
forgetting about you
was nevertheless effortless,
and changing yourself for the better
was something you never did,
giving up
was how you unraveled your problems,
because loving me
was just another lie,
but we knew that
people thought we were just a bare jest,
maybe they were right

**(read from bottom to top)

you were suppose to be a stranger,
just a half second interferer
mindless and dry
with each blinking moment
that passed me by
i was unknowingly losing a useful hand
deemed worthy of something other
than the thought that
you were suppose to stay just a stranger
and if i could turn you back, i swear i would
but it feels like i've always wanted you
from the unspoken second
i felt our destiny
when our eyes crossed path
in the midst of fall, telling you to
please slip away and take my unreasoning desire, i'm not use to never having what i want