sometimes I think
I am only capable
of melancholy thoughts

but then I remember
that in my garden

there are purple flowers growing.

they are my emotions
and should do as they are told

they swing
metal pendulum
extreme to extreme
and back again

no thank you,
i don't need any midol

warning.

her voice will bite the air around you
until you are surrounded by cold.

she owns you
her voice lives deep within your throat
her talons are plunged into your back
determining the movement of your arms

you may try to reach me
but she will tear your lips
until you cannot kiss me without bleeding

she has forbidden you
and you let her
thinking that she cares for

but she owns you
you cannot love something you own

My whole day spent with hair in grass, eyes up
to see green light reflect and beat my heart
My mind stops short to drink His holy cup
But still my soul cries loud, "How great Thou art!"

The yellow leaves beyond His beauty make
They crumble in my hands to yellow dust
Their veins turn dark and glory make to break
and steadfast death, it takes us all, it must

One branch unmoved blocked light and fought the sun
My troubles aren't like waves to pass away
My mind and thoughts remain poised like a gun
And so I spend my days in hope for May

When all sing hymns and I will end my reign
We will draw near, back in Your arms again.

slow down

take a minute to hear
my breaths against your chest
and listen for their quickening

slow down

learn how to read my faces
and watch for their souring

slow down

think about your words
before you spit them at me

slow down

remember the way I looked at you
and think about why
I do not look at you any more

i would like to grow myself
a thick skin

but i am afraid
of what i might lose to the hardness.

I always wanted to write poetry
to God.
about Him.

But I did not have the courage
to be wrong in front of Him.

And I forgot that I am always
before my God.

That I am always answering
to my Creator.

you saw what i showed you
and did not think to look
for more

You gave me time to heal, but I did not
You sent Your love my way, but I dismay
You gave us all Your true love Son begot
He entered hearts and walked among the fray

They stole my cords and swallowed all my words
and reconciliation came in vain
Our love turned tail and flew away like birds
Our strife turned kiss to spit, turned boon to bane

But each and every prayer to You is love
and gentle leaves sing hymns to You in praise
His grace burns bright and pours on me from high
I grew through wind and underneath His gaze

The wind combs hair in calm and brief embrace
The wind, the waves, my hope and love encase

I visited the beach today
the sun was warm
then hot
then scorching

the sun left his mark on me
the way many men have

I visited the beach today
the water was frigid
then cold
then cool

she is the kinder of the two
allowing herself to change around me

we have applied these gendered pronouns to nonhuman forces
through gender we have shaped our understanding of these forces that are truly beyond our understanding.

the sea goes on
the sun lives on
and I am burned and cooled
all in a day

My knees will buck, eyes fill with worms and dirt,
While people weep, I will go down to dust,
My life was brief, a day so filled with hurt,
But Christ's great love will save my soul from rust.

And so we die, and we all fear that day,
Although I fear the pain, none else is dread,
For I do know my day will come in May,
When spring arrives, my skin decay, then dead.

My own body will not remain for long,
Put in the ground, yes that will be my fate,
For I am destined for a world of song,
Singing loud and long, for our God is great.

My soul will live beyond this failing age.
I'm soon to see my righteous Father's face.

silence holds a mirror to my face.

hearing the word
         nails iron spikes
                          through hope's chest

                                                         - CANCER

I would like to live in the trees
making highways of the branches
leaping, spruce to maple
finding homes in the crooks of magnolias
the sun shining through green stained glass
washing me with soft light.

i am young
the place of my birth is still my home
it holds my heart in a gentle way
wrapping up its wounds
i think it may always be my home
but I am told it will not
i thought I had grown up
but these walls are still warms for me

sweating, all is damp
muggy air fills wall to wall
they begin to drip

there are people
who make my cheeks hurt
with smiling

there are people
who carve the smiles
out of my cheeks
and eat them
with a side of salad

i weave among the corpses
some return to dust
others (those a'cursed with wealth)
remain in steadfast boxes
left to rot without the help of worms

i pause in front of tomb
that appears to my young eyes, ancient
balancing the rickety frame against my thighs
i attempt to pull my phone from
the recesses of my backpack

"No," He croons. "Let the dead sleep."

i walk back to the main road
all the while wondering
if festered flesh may dream.

when my poetry became bitter
i knew i would leave you

I waited for the words
but they are dragging their feet,
leaving my tongue hollow
and the air around me
filled with biting emptiness.