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83 · Nov 6
Behind my back
Cassian Nov 6
Sitting with my eyes closed

Trying to block out everyone

All of these people around me

Pressing my hands down

Shielding my ears from it all

Trying but to no avail

The sound still breaks through

And I hear what they say

Behind my back
76 · Sep 27
Memories
Cassian Sep 27
Your face haunts my dreams
I hear your voice saying my name
I used to love hearing it but it's twisted now
You are gone but in my mind
Memories fade and change with time
I remember you cared
I have forgotten why because I know
I know the truth that you left me alone to cry
I'm done fighting the past
Finished reliving all of my mistakes
I don't even miss you anymore it's been too long
I see you every day walking in the halls
Heard you had a girlfriend now but I really don't care
It's been a year since we ended
You still give me your hat and play cards with me
The only fight I can beat you at
Poker and Blackjack
75 · Nov 7
Schematics of love
Cassian Nov 7
I am a fighter, not a lover.

For I refuse to fall

I will take the first punch.

And be the first person you call.

I used to be different; A hopeless romantic

But then I  quickly learned that.

Only certain people deserve to be loved.

And people like me are simply curses.

I remember the time my heart yearned

But in the end, I didn't fit in.

My brain was not made.

According to the ideal

Schematics.
73 · 1d
my name
Cassian 1d
My friend wants me to change my name

They decided to use the same

A decision that has lasted for months

Brushed aside by one of short days

No longer may I be Onyx

Merely a shadow hidden by the sun's rays
73 · Nov 18
Remember
Cassian Nov 18
I can't help but remember when

Flower petals were a sign of innocence

Until one by one they chose to fall

When I was young I used to fit in

But now I stand out most of all

I remember when I had friends

But now I have none by my side

I remember when I could stare at the sun

But now away from its glare I shy
72 · Sep 25
Disclaimer
Cassian Sep 25
I should come with a warning label
One to protect from certain doom
To keep things happy and clear
Putting all cards on the table
Warning: I'm scared of people
I rethink every message I send
Cant look at comments at poems
I stare at notifications for an hour
Constantly second guess myself
I'm scared to mess up so I hide
Feelings are better bottled inside.
70 · Oct 25
"Friends"
Cassian Oct 25
I try to be perfect

Wish to be praised

I offer friendship

Cry when we part ways

I do everything

Strive for attention

Want acceptance

From everyone

So why do I

Sit alone

I offer all my help

So why when I need you

Are you gone

I thought that we

Were

Friends
69 · Oct 9
Way back when
Cassian Oct 9
I found my letter to my future self
Written out in middle school

Back to the days I was very young
When I was still lesbian

I wanted three kids two boys and a girl
One year apart

Thinking back I cant help but wonder
Did I know I wasn't a girl?

Who knows? Who cares?
I am who I am

Since that is the case though
I will continue on from there

Wish me luck
69 · Sep 27
Simply me
Cassian Sep 27
People can not understand what I am
They seem to believe there is only woman and man
I wear clothing based upon my mood
Jeans and a muscle tank or skirts and formfitting shirts
Changing constantly never fitting in
Being myself in whatever brings me comfort in my skin
My pronouns they may vary
From neutral to more feminine or masculine
Purely nonbinary and simply me
just being myself
68 · Oct 8
Identity
Cassian Oct 8
People ask me my type to decide who I am
They say sexuality determines identity

However, I believe that who I like isn't what I am
I am pan but that isn't my entire life

That would be like saying I'm a girl because of what I wear
Though I wear a lot of strange things

People tend to make assumptions based on who a person is
I believe you should get to know them

Start by saying hi and go from there
Maybe make a friend

It really is simply that simple
So do not assume
68 · Nov 19
Test
Cassian Nov 19
My heart's beating

Out of my chest

And I just cant tell

If it's from happiness

Or stress but I'm

So ready to ace

This practice

Test
65 · Oct 10
Oops lol
Cassian Oct 10
Just realized something

I write poems about Identity

As well as poems about gender

BUT

I forgot to update my gender

Time to add the right gender

Ooh and pronouns too!

Showing who I am

So have a smile

From me to you! :)
Cassian Nov 15
I long for dead dreams

Yearn for lost memories

I wish I could turn back time

To when you stood by me

             - Jinx
63 · Sep 25
Gender
Cassian Sep 25
What is gender?
Is it what you are born as?
What you choose to be?
Something that changes day by day?
Something you never quite have?
I believe it's everything and nothing.
An eternal spectrum thats meaning is everchanging.
Something that is interpreted differently by each person.
Gender's meaning is as wide and vast as an ocean.
Something that belongs to you and me. Be yourself no matter who or what that is.
Whether thats boy, girl, genderfluid, genderqueer, agender, or nonbinary like me.
63 · Oct 29
Lost to my mind
Cassian Oct 29
I can't remember your name anymore.

Your face has been lost in my mind.

I think we were friends once.

You've been gone for a long time.

Were you real or imaginary?

A voice inside my head?

I can't seem to find your face.

Deep inside my mind.

I have a feeling you were important.

Whether you were real or not.

Where did you go?

How far away?

I suppose those are things.

I will never know.
Cassian Nov 21
Got a second message from sgg 2 hours ago

Like hon no this isn't gonna do anything on my computer type XD

Really annoying knowing if it was my personal it would ***** something up

Guys if you get the message report as spam PLEASE
62 · Nov 22
Riverdale nightmare
Cassian Nov 22
Lights out

Sitting on my bed

Blanket up to my neck

Riverdale's playing on my TV

Gruesome nightmares haunt my daydreams

Tell myself that none of it's real

Though that's not how it feels

All is not as it seems
62 · Nov 7
Food
Cassian Nov 7
I accidentally missed breakfast

Because I was much too slow to wake

Then I accidentally missed lunch

Because there was time I didn't want to waste

So I will sit hoping dinner will be large

Because my hunger is enough to devour even

My very own plate but until then

I shall sit and wait
Cassian Sep 25
If I told you I’d seen the world fall apart
Or that I still had broken heart
Would you stay?
If I said the sky fell
And the oceans boiled away
Would you tell me everything's ok?
If I said that the earth split
And the mountains crumbled
Would you hold my hand?
If I said I’d be yours forever
Would you smile?
If I said I loved you
Would all the bad feelings go away?
Even if I’m scared of getting hurt
All I ever wanted was for you to be happy
I try to make you smile every day
Because as long as you want me I’ll stay
61 · Sep 24
Endless Moments
Cassian Sep 24
In the quiet of the night,
I feel the warmth of your light,
A love that fills my heart and soul,
With every breath, we become whole.

Time moves slow, like a gentle breeze,
Moments wrapped in memories,
We stand beneath the stars so bright,
Your laughter dances, a sweet delight.

In this beautiful place, I see your eyes,
Reflecting the truth, where the universe lies.
Together we face the shadows and fears,
Holding on tight through laughter and tears.

The world may turn, the seasons change,
But in this dance, nothing feels strange.
With every step, we embrace the unknown,
Two souls intertwined, never alone.

As we walk the path, both rough and fine,
I know in my heart, you’re truly mine.
We’ll face the storms, the cold and the heat,
In the chaos of life, you make me complete.

So here’s to the years, both good and bad,
For every tear and every laugh we’ve had.
In the depths of our journey, I promise to stay,
Together, forever, come what may.

And when the night falls, as it sometimes will,
With you by my side, my heart will be still.
For in this life, with its highs and lows,
I find my peace in the love that grows.
60 · Dec 3
Worthless
Cassian Dec 3
Sometimes I wonder what might happen if I accept what I should be

If I identified with the same gender as my pathetic little body

I wonder if I would be happier and maybe a bit less confused

If perhaps I'd never heard the terrible slurs others had used

I wonder if I could make myself like wearing skirts and dresses

If perhaps I could accept the name I had been given at birth

I wonder if perhaps If I were normal others might see my worth

Or perhaps that is simply the main issue behind it all

Maybe I really am worthless after all
58 · Sep 27
Invisible
Cassian Sep 27
Invisible without a coat of unnatural powders on my skin
Strolling unnoticed through crowds in big hoodies
Hot days ruin my usual calm and the outfit is swapped
Exchanged for a simple skirt and shirt
I do up my face to hide my discomfort with my clothing
Eyes linger on me much longer than necessary
Constant glances from women and men
I know when I'm home I'll wash and in an instant
I will simply disappear again
For in my most comfortable, I have found
I am invisible
I hate makeup
58 · Sep 23
Just a thought
Cassian Sep 23
A thoughtfulness may come from simply sitting still
Silence, noise, darkness, light… Endless changes
Endless thrill… Sitting still… Being real…
Real.. Standing in remembrance that you are real
Grab a book and flip through the pages… Learn.
Actually absorb the information placed in your hands.
Expand your vocabulary and further your beliefs.
Be able to truely, thoroughly overpower others by actually knowing.
Know the cause of true evil and the names and dates of the people.
Turn back through time and live through history.
The real history and not the one taught to us in school.
Read the books banned by the school board.
Learn the things that no one has ever bothered to teach.
Become successful and thrive. Thrive! Thrive!
Prove everyone who has always told you off wrong.
The world may be cruel but you can live.
Living is one of the bravest things that someone who is afraid could truely do.
Live, sit, breathe, think, remember, learn, thrive, develop, teach, and be real.
58 · Oct 15
Fading Echoes
Cassian Oct 15
In shadows deep where silence weeps,
Lost laughter lingers, and memory sleeps.
The moon, a ghost, casts pale, soft light,
Reminding us gently of a vanished night.

Each sigh a story, each tear a trace,
Whispers of joy in a haunted space.
Yet in the stillness, a flicker remains—
Sorrow and beauty entwined in chains.

Every voice in a unique timber,
None are quite the same.
Echoes filling the world—
Born simply to fade.
57 · Sep 25
Reboot
Cassian Sep 25
My brain just broke
I read one word and I died
Not in a bad way don't worry
I just dont know how to reply
I believe its been 20 minutes
I read it over and over
I cant think of what to say
It made me happy?
I feel special?
No that's pathetic
Thank you?
I dont know
I dont understand my mind
I need some time to reboot then I'll reply
you know who you are lol
57 · Sep 26
Recovery
Cassian Sep 26
The scar on my hand is mostly faded
The pain decided not to last
My matches are gone
No more smoke in the room
No more burns on my skin
56 · Oct 25
Old friends
Cassian Oct 25
The clock is ticking down

Why does time pass so slowly?

I feel years older already

Though only days have gone by

Life is harder without their smiles

I wish they still wanted me around

Friendship was what fueled me

Now my soul is breaking down

I wonder how long it will take

For me to realize it was my mistake

That scared them all away

A year? A month? A week? A day?

No, I feel I already knew

But not exactly what I'd done

I miss them dearly

Their smiles were my sun

The world shines less brightly now

My school days feel grey

I want them back but...

I'll get used to it
Cassian Nov 15
I want to write about Rain

Because I know he's shy

Never thought a kid who's dyed

His unruly hair would be

So frightened of people

That he'd start to cry

But honestly

He's been through a lot

And is one of the strongest

People I know

Though he's way too good

At going with the flow

-Myles
55 · Nov 4
Silently Judging
Cassian Nov 4
This Saturday my mother and I

Went to a ballet that behaved more like a play

The name of the show was Dracula and it was fabulous

My mother and I quite enjoyed it

However, I find that it is safe to assume

That the parents of the young children within the room

Were greatly regretting their life choices

After it had ended I saw some very confused toddlers

And found myself silently judging
Cassian Sep 27
Someone said I talk too much.
Maybe they are right.

I speak about all of my thoughts.
And my feelings I write.

I write countless poems in simply a matter of days.
Endless thoughts and feelings surface.

My mind is truly nothing but a winding overgrown maze.
Every word I type is just a flower.

A simple flower growing upon the vine.
Neverending tendrils of words.

Straight from this chaotic mind of mine.
I hope it brings happiness.

If not happiness I hope that my words can bring something else.
Something that can be much harder to feel.

I hope my poems bring it to you.
May they bring you peace.
Cassian Sep 26
Hello.

My name is
Unimportant

My favorite color is
Black as night

My birthday is
meant to be forgotten

My love is
no one

My address is
nowhere

My best friends are
voices in my head

I eat lunch
all alone

I write words slightly hoping
that they are my last

I show little care for myself
Not worth it

I eat when I feel like it
only at home

One to two meals a day is
survivable

Weekends are my heaven
calm and quiet

I used to imagine my last day
but it is not worth it

I will disappear eventually
perhaps I was never here

Maybe I was your imagination all along
Your loneliness made me

Do not worry my friend I'm here
I will not leave you alone
there for those i care for. you know who you are
55 · Nov 6
No more..
Cassian Nov 6
I feel exposed

Absolutely defenseless

These judgmental people

And their rumors that cut

Straight through to my core

I sit silently hoping that maybe

They'll stop but they all seem to

Think I'm begging for more
54 · Sep 25
Heart pains
Cassian Sep 25
I'm not sure why it happened or how
But I'm stuck here again
Caught up in the past thinking old thoughts
Feeling old feelings
Once again choking back tears
From bottled up emotions
I know I have you
I know you'll hold my hand
I know you'll never leave
But I can't stop crying right now
I feel sad without knowing a reason
And I'm trying very hard
To smile for you
But right now..
I can't
I'm sorry if that's disappointing
I'll try harder next time
Just please please please
Go easy on me today
Let me cry and offer comfort
53 · Nov 6
I want...
Cassian Nov 6
I want connections

But feel better off simply hiding

Sitting alone in the dark depths

Of my closet back at home


I want attention

But feel better off without strangers

Eyes resting on me at all times

I'll hide on the inside
53 · Nov 5
Fine
Cassian Nov 5
I refuse to cry

To show them that they've won

I refuse to show weakness

They do not deserve that satisfaction

My face will remain a blank mask

I will sit silently through the inner turmoil

And convince them that I'm fine

That they absolutely haven't hurt me at all
52 · Nov 18
A poem for Evanescence
Cassian Nov 18
Plugin my headphones

Set my Spotify on shuffle

Sit in a few seconds of silence

Anticipation comes from waiting

The song finally plays and

Evanescence graces my ears

I just wish that someone would

Bring me to life
51 · Nov 22
Rain
Cassian Nov 22
The sky is crying today

The wind is blowing through

The snails are dying today

Crushed under an unsuspecting shoe

Wonder how many days until I'll see you
51 · Oct 8
Wish
Cassian Oct 8
Starlight star bright
I'm lying on my back
Having a dream tonight
I wish I may
Wish I might
With this wish
This wish I have tonight
I wish you happiness
I wish for love
I wish for attention
Help from up above
Wishing and wishing
For someone to love
I'm sitting alone
In a lonely dawn
Hoping and wishing
To be proved wrong
I deserve friends
Everyone does
So find me my wish
Before I lose hope
Grant me some peace
Take my soul to keep
My sweet listener
Up above
Cassian Nov 15
We knew someone once

But we no longer do

We shared her together

Never thought we'd be through

But now she is further then ever before

And I hope that she is safe with you

We trust you Blue

         - Rea
Cassian Oct 23
I want to be heard
But
I don't want to speak
And
I want to be remembered
But
I don't want to be different
And
I know I'm free
But
Sometimes I feel trapped
And
My head's not in the clouds
But
I stare at the sun
And
I don't want kids
But
I love toddlers
And
I want to be a teacher
But
I don't want to go to college
51 · Sep 25
Why?
Cassian Sep 25
Why can't anyone look at me the way I want to be seen?
Why doesn't anyone use the right name?
Why do I need to sit and deal with these pronouns that simply don't fit me?
Why am I told it's just a phase when I know it's not?
Why do people never look me straight in the eye?
Why do I eat alone, sit alone, cry alone?
Why can't I ever sleep at night?
Why do I see shadows in the night?
Why when people speak of me is "autism" the only word they know?
Why is it that no one wants to know me if not for pity?
Why do people hold out their hands simply to ****** them back?
Why is friendship so fleeting that it never seems to last?
Why does love always hurt and end in nothing but loneliness?
Why do I change for others who never even stay?
Why do I not even know who I am anymore?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
50 · Sep 25
BPD
Cassian Sep 25
BPD
Emotional, irratic, ironic, sarcastic.
Happy, sad, angry, happy, sad, angry, blank.
Rinse. Repeat. Start over. Feel it again.
Laugh, scream, smile, cry, stare out into space.
Fit in wonderfully, feel awfully out of place.
Cover your ears, block out the noise, I cant...
It's all in my head. I'm stuck in my head.
50 · Nov 20
Drown
Cassian Nov 20
I remember all the times

It almost ended

How without my knowledge

My body defended

Itself from my very own mind

When the waves

Pushed me down under my limbs

Refused to surrender

And I swam back up to save my life
50 · Nov 14
Maze
Cassian Nov 14
Tell me answers

To all of life's hardships

Because I am lost

Hold back my hair

As I choke out false answers

And flush them away

Teach me how to be happy

Instead of a ball of stress

Because all is not as it seems

The twists and turns of

This sense of false security

Is a maze that attempts

To take away my mind
50 · Sep 25
Panic attacks
Cassian Sep 25
Deep breath in....
Hold for two....
Blow it out...
Over and over till
Your pulse goes down
Close your eyes
Count to ten
Don't let your anxiety win
Not again
No time for panic attacks
Try to keep calm
Reach out to your friends
They've been there all along
You aren't alone
You'll be ok...
But what if you are alone..?
What if you can't calm down?
Tell me what I'm supposed to do now
When the panic has set in
And the air has left my lungs
I will not pray.. Not a Christian
Should I curl into a ball?
Just wait for it to go away?
You dont always have people to hold on to
49 · Dec 2
Restless
Cassian Dec 2
A restlessness can be found in

A quiet night that felt too loud

Feeling eyes on me with no one around

A cord of darkness seems to bind

Trying to sleep; to sever the ties

Listening to the coyotes howl

Until the sun finally chooses to rise

The littles are on the prowl
Istg my sibs wake with the sunrise
49 · Sep 25
Piano
Cassian Sep 25
I know how to play the notes
I memorized the tune
The timing sets in easily
Learned sheet music to "Talking to the Moon"
But every time someone's watching
Even if they just walked into the room
My fingers slip and a sour note plays
Maybe I really am just a waste of space
Cassian Nov 15
Honey, I'm home

Just kidding

Well not really

Gotta say I'm glad

To be back

I'm exhausted

But way too tired

Ta hit the sack

And all these people

In my head

Seem ta view me

As a friend

Well that's a first

Anyway this's never

Been my specialty

I prefer free verse

   - Anthony
the nickname's usually Angel but we have an Angel so get the real name
Cassian Nov 15
I'm honestly mildly offended

At the words I have just read

However, I have to admit

  I partially agree with the

Things that were said

Maybe I need to grow

A backbone

And be myself

But its easier to be

Somebody else

- Rain
48 · Oct 7
My Raccoon
Cassian Oct 7
I have a stuffed Raccoon

I call him Poe to myself

Though when people ask his name

I must introduce him properly

For to strangers he shall be called his proper name

I have a stuffed raccoon

One who sleeps by my pillow at night

Named after a poet

One of my favorite poets in fact

So since to him you are all strangers

I shall now introduce him properly

My silly raccoon plushie

Who wears a blue bow

His name is Poe

Edgar Allen Poe
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