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48 · Oct 25
I cant stop
Cassian Oct 25
I don't know what I'm doing

I can't stop writing

My fingers refuse to cease their movement

I have too many feelings

Too many thoughts

An idea building up

But I don't know how to shape it

I don't know how to treat it

To feed it

Is it an enemy?

I wish to defeat it

A lump is growing in my throat

My stomach is full of knots

I have too many issues

They're all pouring out

There's no holding back now

My thoughts are an ocean

There is no solid ground
48 · Oct 7
My Raccoon
Cassian Oct 7
I have a stuffed Raccoon

I call him Poe to myself

Though when people ask his name

I must introduce him properly

For to strangers he shall be called his proper name

I have a stuffed raccoon

One who sleeps by my pillow at night

Named after a poet

One of my favorite poets in fact

So since to him you are all strangers

I shall now introduce him properly

My silly raccoon plushie

Who wears a blue bow

His name is Poe

Edgar Allen Poe
Cassian Nov 15
I lost count of the numbers

So I hope I got it right

I want to talk about Pheonix

Who used to be my light

Much like the bird he burned out

And left me to play alone

But I wont be sad because

If home is where the heart is

I'm already home

     -Yuki
47 · Nov 15
The body needs a break
Cassian Nov 15
Too many thoughts are flowing

Too many words are growing

So before they spill out in the wrong way

And leave a bad taste in our mouth

We have decided to take a short break
47 · Sep 27
Your demon
Cassian Sep 27
Mi voz es tranquila.
Mis sueños son grandes.
Me encanta leer.
Nací para escribir.
Hago lo que quiero. Pierdo cualquier pelea física.
Podría dominarte psicológicamente.
Sólo mírame a los ojos.
Soy un demonio en tu armario.
Adivina mi nombre y vive si tienes razón.

(My voice is calm.
My dreams are big.
I love reading.
I was born to write.
I do what I want.
I lose any physical fight.
I could overpower you psychologically.
Just look me in the eyes.
I'm a demon in your closet.
Guess my name and live if you are right.)
was in the mood for spanish but dont expect perfection
46 · Nov 14
Lies fuel me
Cassian Nov 14
One of my exes has

Chosen to tell everyone

That is the reason we had ended

Was as simply because I was gay

However, he himself is bi and

I happen to be pan

The truth behind the end

Stands as follows

He was a cheat

And I walked away

I chose not to even

Deal with pointless sorrows

I will not even crumble

He will be the only who weeps

For his lies have fueled my rage

My rage has fueled his downfall

And I hate him most of all
46 · Oct 7
Mind
Cassian Oct 7
My mind is broken

No longer thinking me or I

My brain says we

I see things sometimes

Might need to get some sleep

I've heard sounds before

I should see a shrink

I swear I saw a ******* bird

It slammed right into my window

One would think there'd be a scratch

My window is spotless

Sometimes my light flickers

Maybe it's just my eyes

I think I'm lost

I'm losing my mind

Getting pulled in

Soon to be trapped inside

People stare at me

I desperately want to hide
46 · 5d
Agree
Cassian 5d
Sleepless nights

Leaving bags under my eyes

My acquaintance looks up and sighs

Leaving me unsure of how much he could surmise

Til of course, an energy drink is placed in front of me

Little old me who isn't allowed to have caffeine

His stare seems to say that I look like ****

Well, I cant help but agree
45 · Oct 23
Today
Cassian Oct 23
I see an opening and

I'm gonna go for it

So many people would

Throw a blow for it

I'll do all the work and

Get the reward to show for it

My life, my mind, my legacy

All of it has to start with me

So lucky to have been born

Here where we're all free

Look at the sky up above

Its pureness is full of love

I'm not afraid to make mistakes

I know from them I'll learn

I grow stronger every day

Chasing after a wish I made

So I'll keep my promise

Even if they don't

I'll be myself

Even if people point

I wont care what they say

No one can ruin my day

Today
Cassian Sep 25
A thoughtfulness may come from simply sitting still,
But stillness can echo with a haunting chill.
Silence, noise, darkness, light… Endless changes,
Endless thrill… yet beneath it, sorrow arranges.
Sitting still… being real… in a world that feels unreal.
Each heartbeat a reminder of the wounds we conceal.

Grab a book and flip through the pages, but know,
The weight of knowledge carries a burden of woe.
Absorb the truths that fracture your heart,
Expand your vocabulary, but feel the world fall apart.
Overpower others with the knowledge you wield,
Yet realize that knowing can leave you unhealed.

Know the cause of true evil, the names and the dates,
Each lesson learned carved deeper your fates.
Turn back through time and feel every loss,
The voices of the fallen, the shadows they toss.
Read the books banned, the truths long suppressed,
Unravel the fabric of a past, unaddressed.

You strive to be successful, to thrive in despair,
But each victory reminds you of those who don’t care.
Prove everyone wrong, but at what cost to your soul?
In a world so cruel, do you ever feel whole?
Living is brave, yet a lonely endeavor,
A battle fought daily, with no promise of ever.

Live, sit, breathe, think, remember, learn,
In the ashes of hope, watch the embers still burn.
Thrive, develop, teach, and be real,
Yet the ache of existence can make it hard to feel.
The world may be waiting, but you’re still adrift,
In the silence that lingers, find the heart’s rift.

Sitting still in the shadows, your mind takes flight,
In the depths of the darkness, you search for the light.
But sometimes the light only casts deeper the night,
And the weight of your thoughts pulls you further from sight.
43 · Sep 25
Witch
Cassian Sep 25
Don't ask too many questions
I don't know myself
If you get sick don't blame me
I don't affect your health
I see accusations in your eyes
Blaming me every time someone cries
My mental state is crumbling
Leaving just enough to surmise
If it makes you feel better
Make me your witch....
Burn me to ashes in the forest
Wish I didn't start ****
Sorry you were part of it
Just make me your witch
Cassian 5d
Laughing at myself
And how I forgot caffeine makes me sick

Of all the ways
I could've woken myself why's that what I picked?

A brief nausea as
Exhaustion rests behind my eyes

Reading all night again
Could quite possibly bring about my demise

Perhaps some sleep
Would be healthier than obsessing over pages

Of a novel
As time goes by sitting for ages and ages
43 · Nov 15
I wonder
Cassian Nov 15
I wonder how life would be

If I still remembered who I was

I wonder if I would be happier

If I hadn't lost myself to

Other's expectations

I wonder what I would see

If my mind was able to dream

I wonder what would happen

If I was reborn as a bird

Would I be 100% free?
41 · Oct 28
Fake
Cassian Oct 28
I don't count on happiness

Or expect perfection

The day comes and goes

With a shallow ache of rejection

I paste a smile on my face

Tell my parents I had a good day

Listen to loud music to hear the noise

Get stuck between the bathrooms for girls and boys

Questioning myself and my choices

Ignoring the whispers of condescending voices

I try to be helpful... Try to be good

I use my manners like any good kid should

I hide behind fake cheerfulness

And hide from the world with fantasy

Video games and anime consume my days

While I hide from the sun and its blinding rays

I spend so much time being someone else

That slowly but surely I lose myself
41 · Sep 26
Truth about me
Cassian Sep 26
Anxiety
It's calling me
Making me an
Insomniac

Hyperventilating
I can't breathe
I am so
Paranoid

Outcast
I don't fit in
They are all
Staring

Leave
Don't look here
I want to
Disappear

Fear
I'm so scared
I need to
Hide

Skin
Tear it away
Let them see
Inside
40 · Sep 25
Person made of glass
Cassian Sep 25
Keep throwing your rocks
And watch me fall
I'm starting to crack
My heart hurts
My minds dying
But keep throwing your rocks
Say more hurtful words
**** me even more
I'm falling apart
I can't take much more
Keep throwing your rocks
I'm a person made of glass
Keep throwing your rocks
I'm ready to leave
Please make me disappear
Childhood bullying builds character right?
40 · Oct 7
Thoughts
Cassian Oct 7
Been a while

They ask how I've been doing

Oh I'm fine

Been about two days since I cried

People say my face looks like a dog just died

Oh it's ok

It's alright I'm fine

Smiling all the time

Real or fake?

Who cares?

Made a mistake

Bumped my head

Don't fret; I'm not dead

Oh I'm fine

I'll say it all the time

I'm alright

Even if I'm not

Sleep is way too hard

Maybe I should just start

Intrusive thoughts say to give up

Maybe I should start
38 · Dec 3
My ex best friend
Cassian Dec 3
I had a best friend once

Who told me things friends should do

She said they held hands so we did

She kissed me and said it was normal

Slow danced with me during worship at church

Sat on my lap while the pastor said his piece

Told me friends loved each other so I tried to

Until middle school me found the older girl lied
37 · Oct 18
Morning thought
Cassian Oct 18
My brain is a twisted web,
A tangled mess of thoughts,
I don't even know all that’s in there—
Sometimes it feels like I’m going insane.

Never have I been more afraid,
Self-loathing hits an all-time high;
I can't decide whether to cry
Or let go entirely, wishing to die.
Cassian 1d
My name suggests vanity

Which doesnt quite fit me

An underlying emptiness

That fills me with stress

Until I happen to realize

That Cassian means both
36 · Sep 25
Mentality
Cassian Sep 25
I'm in the dark
Sometimes I'm ok
I never feel anything
My emotions are fake
I copy others expressions
I cry without reason
Smiles are real now
I hide my laugh from view
I'm not scared of the dark
I sleep with a light
I listen to music to relax
It doesn't block out the sounds of night
My mind is contradictory
My thoughts don't feel like mine
I think I'm losing my mind
The shadows say I'm fine
34 · Oct 25
ME
Cassian Oct 25
ME
I can't look up

My eyes are glued to the ground

I stand taller just to be pushed down

Always smile and never frown

Don't let them see they won over me

Just be quiet and obedient

And get home free

Who cares if they're younger

I know they're stronger

At least they tolerate me

So I'll keep my head down

Never let them see

What they do to me

I'll keep my voice in

They want my food

So I'll let them take it

Those boys...

They're so much bigger than

ME
33 · Sep 30
Morning routine
Cassian Sep 30
Wake up in the morning before my alarm
Get dressed and sit in silence
Wait til I hear a sound from the other rooms
Go to wash my face, brush my teeth
Walk down the stairs fully prepared to leave
Get to work for just an hour
When the bell rings it's time for me to run
School has started, hell has begun
my morning 6 am to 8:30 am
29 · Dec 2
From me to you
Cassian Dec 2
When I was younger

I made a plan for my life.

To find a husband or a wife

To have some kids and live happily

But now that I'm older, who would want me?

I've looked at myself in the mirror, I know what they se.e

I feel so skinny, hopelessly pathetic, weak, and overwhelmingly ugly.

Knots in my stomach keep me from eating even when I should be hungr.y

My clothes feel so out of place, and outdated, I can't even hope to dress snappily.


People bump into me

Invisibility; my "superpower"

Their fault but they always expect me

To be the one to have to feel bad and say sorry

Well I'm sorry you had to know pathetic little me.

Though I truthfully hope you have happy holidays and

May all of the presents that you might receive be all the craze

I hope that all your wishes come true, so have a merry Christmas.

From me to you
22 · 11h
Everyday
Cassian 11h
Blue skies drowned out by overwhelming grey

Shaping your impressionable minds like clay

Telling you how to act and who to be day by day

Screaming at you for ever feeling this way

But you're tired of people always leaving

They never even seem to stay

Loneliness envelopes you

Your soul dies

Everyday

— The End —