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Sep 27 · 47
Your demon
Cassian Sep 27
Mi voz es tranquila.
Mis sueños son grandes.
Me encanta leer.
Nací para escribir.
Hago lo que quiero. Pierdo cualquier pelea física.
Podría dominarte psicológicamente.
Sólo mírame a los ojos.
Soy un demonio en tu armario.
Adivina mi nombre y vive si tienes razón.

(My voice is calm.
My dreams are big.
I love reading.
I was born to write.
I do what I want.
I lose any physical fight.
I could overpower you psychologically.
Just look me in the eyes.
I'm a demon in your closet.
Guess my name and live if you are right.)
was in the mood for spanish but dont expect perfection
Sep 27 · 76
Memories
Cassian Sep 27
Your face haunts my dreams
I hear your voice saying my name
I used to love hearing it but it's twisted now
You are gone but in my mind
Memories fade and change with time
I remember you cared
I have forgotten why because I know
I know the truth that you left me alone to cry
I'm done fighting the past
Finished reliving all of my mistakes
I don't even miss you anymore it's been too long
I see you every day walking in the halls
Heard you had a girlfriend now but I really don't care
It's been a year since we ended
You still give me your hat and play cards with me
The only fight I can beat you at
Poker and Blackjack
Sep 27 · 367
The bird
Cassian Sep 27
A bird kissed the glass,  
Wings fluttered, claws grazed the pane—  
Sings, then soars away.
Sep 27 · 69
Simply me
Cassian Sep 27
People can not understand what I am
They seem to believe there is only woman and man
I wear clothing based upon my mood
Jeans and a muscle tank or skirts and formfitting shirts
Changing constantly never fitting in
Being myself in whatever brings me comfort in my skin
My pronouns they may vary
From neutral to more feminine or masculine
Purely nonbinary and simply me
just being myself
Sep 27 · 58
Invisible
Cassian Sep 27
Invisible without a coat of unnatural powders on my skin
Strolling unnoticed through crowds in big hoodies
Hot days ruin my usual calm and the outfit is swapped
Exchanged for a simple skirt and shirt
I do up my face to hide my discomfort with my clothing
Eyes linger on me much longer than necessary
Constant glances from women and men
I know when I'm home I'll wash and in an instant
I will simply disappear again
For in my most comfortable, I have found
I am invisible
I hate makeup
Cassian Sep 26
Hello.

My name is
Unimportant

My favorite color is
Black as night

My birthday is
meant to be forgotten

My love is
no one

My address is
nowhere

My best friends are
voices in my head

I eat lunch
all alone

I write words slightly hoping
that they are my last

I show little care for myself
Not worth it

I eat when I feel like it
only at home

One to two meals a day is
survivable

Weekends are my heaven
calm and quiet

I used to imagine my last day
but it is not worth it

I will disappear eventually
perhaps I was never here

Maybe I was your imagination all along
Your loneliness made me

Do not worry my friend I'm here
I will not leave you alone
there for those i care for. you know who you are
Sep 26 · 57
Recovery
Cassian Sep 26
The scar on my hand is mostly faded
The pain decided not to last
My matches are gone
No more smoke in the room
No more burns on my skin
Cassian Sep 26
"Hey, girl what's your name?" someone asked me.
I couldn't reply I just said um.
He thought it was funny and "Um"ed me all day.
I'm sitting here wondering why he called me this way.
Does my body decide my gender?
Or perhaps does he?
I'm called a girl for I was born one.
But that is not me.
I sit with my they/thems and my he/theys
Hoping no one will call me a girl today
Sep 26 · 41
Truth about me
Cassian Sep 26
Anxiety
It's calling me
Making me an
Insomniac

Hyperventilating
I can't breathe
I am so
Paranoid

Outcast
I don't fit in
They are all
Staring

Leave
Don't look here
I want to
Disappear

Fear
I'm so scared
I need to
Hide

Skin
Tear it away
Let them see
Inside
Sep 25 · 51
Panic attacks
Cassian Sep 25
Deep breath in....
Hold for two....
Blow it out...
Over and over till
Your pulse goes down
Close your eyes
Count to ten
Don't let your anxiety win
Not again
No time for panic attacks
Try to keep calm
Reach out to your friends
They've been there all along
You aren't alone
You'll be ok...
But what if you are alone..?
What if you can't calm down?
Tell me what I'm supposed to do now
When the panic has set in
And the air has left my lungs
I will not pray.. Not a Christian
Should I curl into a ball?
Just wait for it to go away?
You dont always have people to hold on to
Sep 25 · 57
Reboot
Cassian Sep 25
My brain just broke
I read one word and I died
Not in a bad way don't worry
I just dont know how to reply
I believe its been 20 minutes
I read it over and over
I cant think of what to say
It made me happy?
I feel special?
No that's pathetic
Thank you?
I dont know
I dont understand my mind
I need some time to reboot then I'll reply
you know who you are lol
Sep 25 · 49
Piano
Cassian Sep 25
I know how to play the notes
I memorized the tune
The timing sets in easily
Learned sheet music to "Talking to the Moon"
But every time someone's watching
Even if they just walked into the room
My fingers slip and a sour note plays
Maybe I really am just a waste of space
Sep 25 · 63
Gender
Cassian Sep 25
What is gender?
Is it what you are born as?
What you choose to be?
Something that changes day by day?
Something you never quite have?
I believe it's everything and nothing.
An eternal spectrum thats meaning is everchanging.
Something that is interpreted differently by each person.
Gender's meaning is as wide and vast as an ocean.
Something that belongs to you and me. Be yourself no matter who or what that is.
Whether thats boy, girl, genderfluid, genderqueer, agender, or nonbinary like me.
Sep 25 · 72
Disclaimer
Cassian Sep 25
I should come with a warning label
One to protect from certain doom
To keep things happy and clear
Putting all cards on the table
Warning: I'm scared of people
I rethink every message I send
Cant look at comments at poems
I stare at notifications for an hour
Constantly second guess myself
I'm scared to mess up so I hide
Feelings are better bottled inside.
Sep 25 · 203
Beginning
Cassian Sep 25
The sun rises
every morning

The flowers bloom
til noon

The wilting petals
float midair

The birds sing
melodic tunes

Children all play
many games

School takes up
8-hour days

All stories have
their ends

But first they
must begin
Sep 25 · 43
Witch
Cassian Sep 25
Don't ask too many questions
I don't know myself
If you get sick don't blame me
I don't affect your health
I see accusations in your eyes
Blaming me every time someone cries
My mental state is crumbling
Leaving just enough to surmise
If it makes you feel better
Make me your witch....
Burn me to ashes in the forest
Wish I didn't start ****
Sorry you were part of it
Just make me your witch
Sep 25 · 50
BPD
Cassian Sep 25
BPD
Emotional, irratic, ironic, sarcastic.
Happy, sad, angry, happy, sad, angry, blank.
Rinse. Repeat. Start over. Feel it again.
Laugh, scream, smile, cry, stare out into space.
Fit in wonderfully, feel awfully out of place.
Cover your ears, block out the noise, I cant...
It's all in my head. I'm stuck in my head.
Cassian Sep 25
A thoughtfulness may come from simply sitting still,
But stillness can echo with a haunting chill.
Silence, noise, darkness, light… Endless changes,
Endless thrill… yet beneath it, sorrow arranges.
Sitting still… being real… in a world that feels unreal.
Each heartbeat a reminder of the wounds we conceal.

Grab a book and flip through the pages, but know,
The weight of knowledge carries a burden of woe.
Absorb the truths that fracture your heart,
Expand your vocabulary, but feel the world fall apart.
Overpower others with the knowledge you wield,
Yet realize that knowing can leave you unhealed.

Know the cause of true evil, the names and the dates,
Each lesson learned carved deeper your fates.
Turn back through time and feel every loss,
The voices of the fallen, the shadows they toss.
Read the books banned, the truths long suppressed,
Unravel the fabric of a past, unaddressed.

You strive to be successful, to thrive in despair,
But each victory reminds you of those who don’t care.
Prove everyone wrong, but at what cost to your soul?
In a world so cruel, do you ever feel whole?
Living is brave, yet a lonely endeavor,
A battle fought daily, with no promise of ever.

Live, sit, breathe, think, remember, learn,
In the ashes of hope, watch the embers still burn.
Thrive, develop, teach, and be real,
Yet the ache of existence can make it hard to feel.
The world may be waiting, but you’re still adrift,
In the silence that lingers, find the heart’s rift.

Sitting still in the shadows, your mind takes flight,
In the depths of the darkness, you search for the light.
But sometimes the light only casts deeper the night,
And the weight of your thoughts pulls you further from sight.
Sep 25 · 36
Mentality
Cassian Sep 25
I'm in the dark
Sometimes I'm ok
I never feel anything
My emotions are fake
I copy others expressions
I cry without reason
Smiles are real now
I hide my laugh from view
I'm not scared of the dark
I sleep with a light
I listen to music to relax
It doesn't block out the sounds of night
My mind is contradictory
My thoughts don't feel like mine
I think I'm losing my mind
The shadows say I'm fine
Sep 25 · 40
Person made of glass
Cassian Sep 25
Keep throwing your rocks
And watch me fall
I'm starting to crack
My heart hurts
My minds dying
But keep throwing your rocks
Say more hurtful words
**** me even more
I'm falling apart
I can't take much more
Keep throwing your rocks
I'm a person made of glass
Keep throwing your rocks
I'm ready to leave
Please make me disappear
Childhood bullying builds character right?
Sep 25 · 54
Heart pains
Cassian Sep 25
I'm not sure why it happened or how
But I'm stuck here again
Caught up in the past thinking old thoughts
Feeling old feelings
Once again choking back tears
From bottled up emotions
I know I have you
I know you'll hold my hand
I know you'll never leave
But I can't stop crying right now
I feel sad without knowing a reason
And I'm trying very hard
To smile for you
But right now..
I can't
I'm sorry if that's disappointing
I'll try harder next time
Just please please please
Go easy on me today
Let me cry and offer comfort
Cassian Sep 25
If I told you I’d seen the world fall apart
Or that I still had broken heart
Would you stay?
If I said the sky fell
And the oceans boiled away
Would you tell me everything's ok?
If I said that the earth split
And the mountains crumbled
Would you hold my hand?
If I said I’d be yours forever
Would you smile?
If I said I loved you
Would all the bad feelings go away?
Even if I’m scared of getting hurt
All I ever wanted was for you to be happy
I try to make you smile every day
Because as long as you want me I’ll stay
Sep 25 · 51
Why?
Cassian Sep 25
Why can't anyone look at me the way I want to be seen?
Why doesn't anyone use the right name?
Why do I need to sit and deal with these pronouns that simply don't fit me?
Why am I told it's just a phase when I know it's not?
Why do people never look me straight in the eye?
Why do I eat alone, sit alone, cry alone?
Why can't I ever sleep at night?
Why do I see shadows in the night?
Why when people speak of me is "autism" the only word they know?
Why is it that no one wants to know me if not for pity?
Why do people hold out their hands simply to ****** them back?
Why is friendship so fleeting that it never seems to last?
Why does love always hurt and end in nothing but loneliness?
Why do I change for others who never even stay?
Why do I not even know who I am anymore?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
Sep 24 · 61
Endless Moments
Cassian Sep 24
In the quiet of the night,
I feel the warmth of your light,
A love that fills my heart and soul,
With every breath, we become whole.

Time moves slow, like a gentle breeze,
Moments wrapped in memories,
We stand beneath the stars so bright,
Your laughter dances, a sweet delight.

In this beautiful place, I see your eyes,
Reflecting the truth, where the universe lies.
Together we face the shadows and fears,
Holding on tight through laughter and tears.

The world may turn, the seasons change,
But in this dance, nothing feels strange.
With every step, we embrace the unknown,
Two souls intertwined, never alone.

As we walk the path, both rough and fine,
I know in my heart, you’re truly mine.
We’ll face the storms, the cold and the heat,
In the chaos of life, you make me complete.

So here’s to the years, both good and bad,
For every tear and every laugh we’ve had.
In the depths of our journey, I promise to stay,
Together, forever, come what may.

And when the night falls, as it sometimes will,
With you by my side, my heart will be still.
For in this life, with its highs and lows,
I find my peace in the love that grows.
Sep 23 · 58
Just a thought
Cassian Sep 23
A thoughtfulness may come from simply sitting still
Silence, noise, darkness, light… Endless changes
Endless thrill… Sitting still… Being real…
Real.. Standing in remembrance that you are real
Grab a book and flip through the pages… Learn.
Actually absorb the information placed in your hands.
Expand your vocabulary and further your beliefs.
Be able to truely, thoroughly overpower others by actually knowing.
Know the cause of true evil and the names and dates of the people.
Turn back through time and live through history.
The real history and not the one taught to us in school.
Read the books banned by the school board.
Learn the things that no one has ever bothered to teach.
Become successful and thrive. Thrive! Thrive!
Prove everyone who has always told you off wrong.
The world may be cruel but you can live.
Living is one of the bravest things that someone who is afraid could truely do.
Live, sit, breathe, think, remember, learn, thrive, develop, teach, and be real.

— The End —