There are words I want to say
But I don’t want to scare you away.
We’ve known each other forever
I don’t want to lose you, No never
Even though we are just friends
Three words can change us dramatically
It’s funny, because I use those word with my other friends, but with you it’s different.
Should I take a chance?

Today I am sixteen.
I don't feel older
I've always been older....
More matured.

But today I am officially 16.
Wow... 16 years of life.
I lived every minute if it to the fullest
At least I hope I did.

So... I guess the question is-
What am I gonna do now?

I want to look in the mirror
And see what others see in me.
What makes me so special?
What makes me so different?
What makes me wear my heart on my sleeve?
What makes me me?

Would anyone like to collaborate with me?
Message me.

Is
It really
Possible
To find
The ONE
Your
Soulmate....?

I bleed red, just like you.
But I bleed more than you do.

I cry tears, just like you.
But I cry more than you do.

I think, just like you.
But I over think more than you do.

I laugh, just like you.
But I may not as much as you do.

I smile, just like you do.
But not as much as you do.

I've becoming a better me.
   I'm happier.
      I'm confident.
         I'm me.

Can I get any slack?
I do so much for this family,
And that's what I get in return??
No, I'm not like my brother.
But you still treat us sorta kinda the same?
I know what I need to do.
I know what my job is.
Do you even know half of the crap I deal with on a daily basis?
I don't need it at home too.
I can't even get a break???
You asked me if I was alright?
Do you even care?
What if I wasn't?
What then??
Do you even know me anymore???

Sometimes I wish that I was born in
The time when men came calling.
            Or in the time where love wasn't hard to find.
Or when everyone was important,
            And loved,
                  And needed.
Where I could be loved,
         Needed,
              important.

I long to be loved.
I think everyone does,
But I've been looking for it in all the wrong places.
Maybe I need to look closer to home....
Myself

I want to bleed.
I can keep feeling like this anymore.
Like I'm worthless,
And invisible.
I want to feel something, anything else.

I have lost my muse.
What to do now?

A musician lives in solitude.
His only friends- the notes on the page and the sound of the symphony.

His best friend is his instrument.
Which he treats with the utmost care.
The band room is his first home, 
The only natural habitat.

Music is his escape,
He falls into the notes on the page, 
Letting their simplicity and complexity, swallow him.

He becomes a different person when he plays.
Silent, yet making even the most serious person, cry.

He needs not to use words, his music is enough.
When he sits with an ensemble, they do not know him,

Yet you can see him, feeling each persons aura, and melding together with them, 
All to create music. 

Music is the only thing more powerful than words,
A musician knows this. 
This is why he remains silent.
No words are needed.

He knows that each and every soul will, no matter be impacted. 
Every adult and child- will be affected when he picks his horn up. 

A musician lives in solitude.
His only friend is music.

I keep things in
It's the way I work
I don't tell
My drama to
Everyone
Everyone doesn't need to know
So I keep
My mouth shut

I keep all my pain and hurt locked inside
I keep my ideas and opinions to myself
Who knows who would get offended

So I keep things locked up tight.
*Who has the key?

Hi

I'm tired of looking back.
At all my yesterdays
All 15 years worth..

I'm tired of saying why can't I do that?
Why can't I step up? What's holding me back?
Why do I look for yesterday?

I'm tired of wanting change
Instead of chasing after it
Going for what I want

I'm tired of looking at the door
Waing for you to
Pop back into my life

So
Guess
What?

I'm looking forward for today.
No more yesterdays.
No more past, even though I'll always have it- I'm learning from it, not waiting for it.

Today.

I wonder if anyone hears me at all....

Why is it that,
When I read love stories
And listen to love songs,
I start to cry?
Why?

I'm gonna break down.
I've held this in too long.
And of all the places in gonna melt down..
It has to be at work.
Wonderful.

The sound that reaches my ears,
It's blissful, almost heavenly.
I turn, trying to find it's source.
Only to see nothing.
Just hear the most beautiful music.

The sound seems to drown my thoughts
Lift me from the hellish state of earth
And bring me to my own imagination
A dream
Finally coming true
A rose
Losing its first petal
The sound
Like nothing I've ever heard.

Is it voice?
Or a violin, maybe a soft trumpet?
I can not tell.
But how I long to know what causes such a sweet melody,
The line moving so delicately within my ears,
It's chords and vibrations,
Breathing life into my lungs again

When the sun goes down
And my head hits my pillow,
This is the song that will be playing
A song that is so pretty
It merely counts as a song
So heavenly
You would think an angel was singing
And everything will end up fine
With this music playing

My dreams were pleasant,
More so than they've been in a long while
This song, oh so sweet, lulled me to a sleep,
So deep, and so beautiful,
I never wanted to wake and face the gruesome day.
Although, I did indeed wake,
My day began much brighter,
As the refrains of the song still in the corners of my mind.

And the song followed me throughout the day
In the form of a bright smile and kind words
A song that became a reason to live

I hate my life.
And my brain.
It limits me so much,
I can't stand it.

Many people have asked me why I haven't done it
What I'm afraid of..

It's not just that I'm afraid
It's that I can't bear to accept the fact that he's gone.
That I have to fill his shoes
That I'm expected to.

I feel like maybe this is the one thing I can hold over his head.
Ha! You left and look that's what happened- it didn't sound right..

I don't know anymore myself.
But it all comes down to tomorrow.
We'll see what happens

Dear diary.
If only he knew..
What I'd like to do..
To him,
With him..
What I want him to do to me..
If only he knew...

Today is terrible.
Today was terrible.
Today was one of those days where nothing went right.
One of those days where I come home and think about cutting..
One of those days when I think of everything I've lost.
Today was terrible.

I create.
Not the same
As you.
But still,
I create.

I create music.

You say I'm not the boss of me yet,
That I'm only 16,
Yet you fail to realize that I became the boss of me when you stopped caring about me.
Neither of you really know me.
So I am the boss of me.

I am a force to be reckoned with

I think..

This feeling..
I don't like it.
Take it away,
Please?

I am tired of these ups
And these downs.

This emotional, mental, physical
Roller coaster
That we are on.

I have to stop this ride.
I'm sorry.

Please,
I know that
If you look into my eyes,
You will see all the unshed tears
and the pain of what you caused.
And I know that you'd fix this pain that I feel.
So please look into my eyes..

I pace.
When I am confused,
Sad,
Overthinking,
I pace

Yes,
       It is 1am.
Yes,
       I can't sleep.
Yes,
        It's because of you.

I'm sorry if I'm worthless to you...

I don't mean to be.

I am stubborn.
There I said it.
Are you happy??

What do you see in me??

*I'm nothing

State solo and ensemble is on Friday...
I'm terrified.

You asked me why I love you.
Why don't you accept my answer?

Saved
A blank page
in the story of my life

For You.

You go searching
High and low
Only to find
You haven't left

Do I feel seventeen?
Not really.
I guess I've that age where its just another day,
Just another year.
Maybe..
But I'm still a child.

I love you
More than I love myself

It *****.

I love you!!

Is it a crime to want someone to hold my hand,
To kiss me and text me goodnight??

What if?
That's all that runs through my mind
What if?

What if the roles were reversed?
What if I said the things I needed to say?
What if I spoke my mind?

I don't know.
I have never known
I will never know.