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I'm happy, so much happy
for your blind love,
I was just nothing here
before you loved me,
and you made me ever new
as a spellbound lover!

You have motivated me
when I was depressed
You made my dreams
come true forever,
I'm blessed to have you
in my new life, oh dear!

I was loveless in my life
and you gave me a place
in your kind heart,
I was in the desert
like a thirsty horse
and you gave me water!

I was yellow and dry leaves
on the tree in the garden
and you brought the raindrops
to make me evergreen.
Now I love you so much
Dear, I love you forever!
Thanks ❤️🙏
My book is live on there
there is a pain
so quite particular
that it seems as if
there could be no other

not to compare to this one
when despite your very best
of efforts, you fall short, and
whether deserved or not, whether
based on bad information or bad actors

despite all of these things and many more
the pain to have the person or people you
love most dearly in the world, whether they
love you or not it makes no difference, that
these dearest and most cherished have made
it known so clearly and loudly that they really
don't like you very much, that I am unlikable
and it's not as if I haven't tried, God knows I
have put in the work, and it doesn't just happen,
it takes work, step work, awareness of the moment
I am in, not in one past or a possible future, I've
tried, and am still unliked, so where can I even
go from... from that, what direction can I take
when I cannot change what makes me me?
addiction, fully and completely, has taken my daughter away, my only child, 29 but despite all efforts otherwise, she still feels like my l'il gal. the first thought and feeling of the day jolts me out of those first hazy imaginings before fully waking, now my only sliver of peace. it was all a very long time in the making but still feels like the worst breakup X an order of magnitude, and she may never be back. and there is absolutely nothing more I can do to try to even change that, my l'il gal is out on her own, a daddy's girl minus the daddy, and all I can do now isive a life worthy of what I have yet to give, and make  sure I will be the safe, secure and loving place to land if she ever gets serious about getting sober and clean.

man, how precious those moments just upon waking, those sole moments of peace, before, "oh, that's right... ****", and the anxiety and sorrow are then just constant until exhaustion takes me sometimes 30 or 40 hours later. i dont know how long I can live like this, but i'm still grieving and it's a time to be gentle with myself, this biggest ever loss in life will take a lot of getting used to... but I know what i need to do and to be, and and i will, and i am, because I will never, ever stop being her dad.

I want this to end, this filling of every moment with a shock and a jolt, over and over without losing intensity, of the realization that she's out of my life for now, maybe forever, while i'm wearing out our old photo albums. and I miss you my brittany b.
I wish
Oh, I wish
I knew how to help you
 Nov 2017 Brokewench
I see the sunshine
I walk towards it
While the sun embraces me I smile
I am healthy
I am happy
I am free
I run
I dance
I sing
I am free
I lay in flowers
I see the sunlight above me
I close my eyes
For once I am free.
 Nov 2017 Brokewench
Sorry I can't
hear you any
I think we're

breaking up.

I think we're

breaking down
each other.
draft from fall 2013
O my most unforgettable poem,
You are the strongest aphrodisiac
Thrilling me softly
Like wild butterflies
Believing in the goodness

Your lascivious words
Imbue high and low intoxication
Champagne kiss captured in mind maze
Enjoying the organized upheaval
I stumble and fall in love
With your silken intimacy

You are just like
My photograph in the frame
Brave half angel
Singing a song without a music

Words I need to express you
Come to me as a flash so easily
As they are needier to fit in you, my poem

Your silken intimacy made me weightless
To fall upon you and
I become your ultimate partner

Written by
~~~Jawahar Gupta~~~
 Nov 2017 Brokewench
James Mason
A flower grows by a grave in Etaples...

It is so still and quiet here
as autumn winds begin to swirl,
yet these blue skies once shook with sound -
that noise which rang across the world!

Soft ground beneath my feet now green,
was watered then by sweat and blood
from those who left their warm, sweet homes;
our English France's mud.

Throughout the fields now ripe with crops,
rats ran amidst the guns and hurt;
wet mires of writhing bodies who
just sat to wait for death in dirt.

Our torch they carried high aloft,  
a beacon in the dark and toil -
their sacrifice has saved its light
whilst they lie here, in foreign soil.

Where men were doused like candle flames,
in saviours' I stand,
(and kneel amongst the stones to read)
a pilgrim in this holy land.

I've come to see my countrymen -
all those who wept and fell alone -
but they came here to give their lives,
so far from Blighty; far from home...

At once, crisp silence then is gone,
now blackbirds' song has filled the skies!
The morning sun is shining bright;
I take a breath and lift my eyes,

Flowers grow on the graves in Etaples

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