Sitting by your side in front of a boundless sea
The sky is colored by the clouds and the silhouettes

we are talking about the future
Or what the future could hold
And as I hold you close you abruptly begin to dissipate from me
Letting the wind carry you into the boundless sea

So with every thing I have I get up and I run to follow you
I run as fast as I possibly can
But as I do the sand grasps my feet like clasps
And pulls me down with its grasp
The wind is blowing fast
And the waves are crashing at the speed of a heartbeat
And I do my best to chase you
Chase you into the boundless sea

As night falls
A man walks down from the sky
With two hands for a face
And with the moments of the day
He makes me do different things
So I could not chase you,
Chase you across the boundless sea
I will wait for you to return
Wait for you to set me free
Because I'm a slave to him  
I fear his powerful gaze and he won't ever let me go
And Father Time is a master of my life
But he can never take my soul
So my sole motivation now is the hope that you'll come back to me  
So I don't have to be a slave anymore
And you can take me to that place you speak of across the boundless sea.

And now I'm drowning
Drowning in this pain
You send me notes
Send me notes across the sea
Saying that you are coming
You are coming back to
Saying we can be together
Saying that we can escape Times grasp
And fly upon the boundless sea

The other prisoners are planning
Planning to escape
So we rebelled against Time and ran into the boundless sea
And they followed me
And I followed you
Followed you as far as I could across the boundless sea
To a land where there was no time

And I was there with you
We sat together on the shore like we used to
Things were different now
There was a greater shine
You said things were different now because of the time.

Then I began to fall
Fall from the sky
And as the ground came up to greet me I...

I woke up.
To the life that is reality
To the life that is today and tomorrow
And I moved along  from yesterday
I wish I could find out where I landed the thought wouldn't leave me alone.
But the hope that you would be with me then is now gone
Gone
Far across the sea
And you were there with someone else
While i fell into the the land of forgotten dreams

For Helene.


Ashes on the water, now.
Love's bones like dust downstream.  
At least it got to see itself in our eyes,
Feel itself between hand holding hand

And whispered caresses.
From pillow talk to fists raised at
Concerts, glasses of Portuguese wine
On her balcony to the sound of magpies

We named our neighbours.
We were beautiful.
Began beautifully.
Ended gracefully.

I open hands that held hers and see
Nothing but skin worn by labour,
And air.
Ashes on the water, now.

Embers without a chance against rivers  
Cold with melted mountain snow and
Unyielding differences.
Some loves drown with lungs too full

To cry; others float like a funeral-pyre-
Longboat into the night, ablaze.
King and queen, hand upon hand.
Crowns tied from fresh flowers,

We were beautiful.
Began beautifully.
Slid apart the way a glacier parts from
The hills; slowly, but with the force

Of its thousands of tons.
Ashes on the water,
Where the ghost of our union rests
Underneath the surface of our memories.

I will remember you.
Until the stars burn out, raining the
Dust of themselves like snow upon
These waters that always are moving.

I'm so afraid of what you might think

You don't need to know
I wish things were different
How could you be so ignorant,
I think I love you,

You could be a constellation
But I'll happily kiss you into star dust
Time slows down when ever you walk by
I want to hold you so close that I could feel your heart beat
Your hair smells nice

I'm sorry
Goodbye
I think I love you
Please don't go
I'm scared
How could you not see it
I couldn't live with out you
I'd die for you
Your tearing me to pieces
I wouldn't want to hurt you

He doesn't deserve you
I think I love you
I hate him
I hate you
I love you
I'm sorry

I love you

I'm letting go
This hurts so much
Goodbye

Hello

In my few years of being alive I've learned that goodbyes are hard
Seeing people for one day to see them leave the next
It's a vexing mess
A paradoxical box where you store every pent up emotion you have and throw it to the back of the attic of your mind so you can hide the tears welling up in your eyes,
I've found that the hardest goodbyes are with the people you are closest to,
The ones you turn in the check the most with your time and then what was supposed to be minutes talking about something turns into an hour
Those days when you go back to
"Remember that one time?"

Goodbyes are unavoidable
So is the void where my love for them used to be
What's so good about pain...

The most difficult goodbyes though,
Are the ones where you don't even say anything.
Nod at that person when you walk by and then walk the other direction
The hardest goodbyes of all are the ones with someone you used to know
Where
everything about them just fades into the distance
Where the present that was their presence turns into a curse because what you once knew
Is packed in a little box in the back of your mind.
Taken up space
With dust collecting on the edges
Where good memories become sad because what you used to know is...
No longer there

Another week over and my eyelids are drooping as I type this.
They say that
success is in reach if you just tell yourself you can do it,
But see, I've told myself to reach for success but whenever I look I only find failures
With skelatons as gifts  because I always try to get my hopes up and they end up being miscarriages of the mind,
I dropped the ball on the touchdown line
Missed the layup
Failed the class
They say success is in reach if you tell yourself you can do it.
I found that failure is more common
That disorders of the mind that go from A
to C instead of making a B line for the right answer
leaves me to believe that the work we do can only take a lot of back breaking work
and struggles and pain and late nights doing all you can to succeed and,
realizing that the dreams you dream
lead to something
Because failure leads to something too
It leads to droopy eyes and morning reflections
and doing your best to get out of bed to revel in your failures because
you will succeed.
Just keep going
Keep running
Spreading your wings as your learning what flying means from jumping
from the nest without the parachute because
we all know life is a sky full of possibilities.

The future tends to seem hopeless,
The hopeless knowledge that time can't stop,
It won't stop,
And every moment will go away eventually
No matter how much I wish time to stop it won't

But maybe it'll slow down
Just a little
Or maybe that's what memories are for
Making little pictures of things that mean a lot to us so we can repeat them
Let them replay in our minds so they could be treasured
Just,
a little longer.

Wish me away,
Because my darkness can never mix with your sunshine smile,
As I try to play insanity for joy the only thing that changes is the way my face looks,

                         My poker face,
Trying to play a game I'm failing at only gets me as far as hello,
                             Or goodbye

Or I'm sorry,

I'm sorry for my masks,
I only wear them because I can't tell if someone is doing the same to me.
My insanity is my bliss and bliss has become this apology,
I think I've mistaken bliss for ecstasy and I miss more than I hit because mirages are the only thing I actually see,

               Except for maybe your smile,
With a hint of those ocean blue eyes
Like the pacific tide line,
I tend to find myself wishing I wasn't just one of those guys on the side lines
The other side of the rainbow should I say...

I guess that was my fault because I missed out when it was my time to shine so,
Let me start again,

Hi.
I have a tendency of holding onto things that won't hold me back in return;
Like your soft hands,
Cause holding them gives me the hope that maybe the warmth from
Your heart would maybe reach mine
Maybe just maybe,
And that maybe holding on would lead to our fingers being more than just platonically intertwined,
That dancing with you doesn't really mean more than just friendship with me,
I've mistaken my own desperation for you liking me,
I'm sorry
My darkness is blinding
So seeing an angel take form in a blond is sight defining,
Because my far sightedness mixed with my astigmatism so looking I had to walk backwards to see what was happening in front of me again,

Your blinding to me
The Bane of my existence is wishing for things instead of acting
My tideline is a rip current
I don't want to drag you down with me

          So wish me away,
Because my past is passing into my present
And I'm forgetting that the gift of today is the present,
So,
I need to present to you this apology
Here it goes,
I'm
Sorry

What happens now?
Now this poem will wash away like me,
Holding on to you is like leaving the darkness permanently,
See,
I have a tendency of holding onto things that won't hold me back in return,
and I don't,
I don't want to drag you down with me