he told me it was like being in love with a question mark.

if he had known, he wouldn’t have bothered.

he noticed the distance and soon became confused.

and it was at that moment where I became slightly aroused.

the bright lights, the cold wind, my warm body,

such heavenly sounds.

and i was dropped into a different past world.

i was in the kitchen, making tacos.

also listening to 60’s jazz music.

i was making dinner for my mother.

i learned that today, all I want in life is simplicity.

so let me be a wonder, and leave me alone.

Pro-******,

absolute identity.

Absentminded,

******, insanity.

Black on white,

white on black.

Coffee stained *****,

my lips are far from pure.

I’ve come to see my morals have change,

and I would not want it any other way.

These are the kids you spent nearly every waking moment with for 12 years
These are the kids with whom you drank your first beer.
The ones who lit your first cigarette.
These are the kids that taught you to inhale and exhale, not just the smoke, but life too.
These are the kids that approved your first guy.
These are the kids that stepped up when that guy messed up.
These are the kids that picked you up after heartbreak
These are also the kids that broke your heart.
The ones who can fix anything but not what they've done.
These are the kids that turned into what they always protected you from.
These are the kids that crushed your lungs, making you forget how to inhale and exhale.
These are the kids who's decisions were like a lit cigarette burnt into your skin and the jagged, broken edge of a beer bottle to your head.
These are the kids you have to learn to live every waking moment without.

I’ll give you that;
You were my first.
Yet you were nothing but regret,
And I still cringe when I see you packing things in a plastic bag
At the local grocery store.
Sorry it ******,
but I was high and didn’t care.

Now you,
Well you were confident and handsome
You knew how to deal with girls
And it was cruise, I would never see you again,
I was fine with that.
I had fun, thank you.
I guess I can say I’ve got with a black guy now.

We skipped school,
You and I,
Even as my third, I still didn’t love you
Even though we had dated twice before
To think that you were a varsity football ****;
I didn’t care though
And I had fun,
A good two hours of it,
But you were the one that made me realize this wasn’t doing it
That this wasn’t helping and that it made me feel worse
But oh well

Wow,
You were the most unexpected,
the unclassiest,
but probably the most fun
Probably.
We were in a car,
The cliché teenage ****;
I still think back and laugh
Because it wasn’t my car we were in, or yours for that matter
But my friend’s car
and she was driving.
You were a year younger, but rebellious
And I liked that.

Man, you ******.
It was my first time tripping,
But definitely not my first time dealing with guys like you.
I should have known,
But you were sweet,
You were a gentlemen
And you took care of me.
You made sure I was okay for my first time
I felt so good that night; new shapes and colors swirling around,
I just wanted to lie down.
I just wanted to cuddle, maybe.
Next thing I knew you were on top of me
And all I could feel was your pressure
I felt trapped,
Like I had to
I didn’t want to
But I had to
I don’t know what to think of that night anymore

I’m absolutely positive you existed,
But I can’t remember,
And that scares me.

I think you were the first one I truly cared about,
But now that I look back,
I don’t think I really did.
I loved the idea of you,
Just not you.
But it still hurts to think of it.
It wasn’t that good you know,
Maybe worse than my first,
But I disregarded that because I liked you.
And it hurt even more knowing that you didn’t like me,
That you kept denying any feelings for me.
Ill never forget the things you said right before
“Just friends, okay?”
Well it’s true what they say about sleeping with a friend
It ruined what we felt about each other
You didn’t go deep enough anyway.
Its been awkward with you ever since.

my life consists of needing mirrors
to remind myself
that I am not invisible

you have taken parts of me
and thrown them away without question
without regret.

the ease with which you let me go
echoes within me
like a "*******" spoken in church

a crack on the pane
of the room's only window.

you were not a liar
but you made yourself one

and I say that I do not hate you
because I've forgiven you

but you made that a lie also
you shaped it so that the reason for my lack of hate
is that I can no longer bring myself to care.

I will smile when I see you
because you can no longer hurt me.

your apathy shook me
like an antique chandelier
just before it crashes to the ground

and the fact that you read my poetry
and feel nothing
makes me shiver

you are cold.

you are the corpse frozen in indifference
a dead heart pumping the liquid
of fake tears.

you look and move like you used to
but I can see the stitches in your skin
the glassy, empty, gaze in your eyes

you are a monster
but I am no longer afraid.

I drop my torch and pitchfork
and watch you
destroy all the things that we built.

I raise my palms

and warm myself by the fire.

In the dead, dreary day,
My souls at last can weep.
For when the sun comes up,
I am drowning in its deep.

How dare it try and pretend,
That it's a godsend.
When I can clearly see,
The pain it's done to me.

But alast, I cannot tear myself away,
For never have I felt this way.
Always will it be forgiven,
Because of my longing for the forbidden.

At night I see this sun the most,
It a loving memory and my heart it's host.
For in my dreams a past treasure lies,
Shining out, clear to my eyes.

This sun I speak of not a sun at all,
It merely being the cause of my fall.