I can’t explain the reality of it
It’s the perfect mix
Between life & death, joy & pain, peace & war
It’s something everyone has
But deep down it’s truly unwanted
It’s the thing that links us to eternity
The thing we will all one day lose
It’s this life

It was fourteen years ago now
A day cemented into our minds
One not easily forgotten
One that will be remembered as long as we live
But we will not forget that restoration is coming

A normal morning on a late summer day
The second day of a quiet work week
The cool crisp air of the morning
Quickly defeated with this violent terror
For the world was about to change

The cloudless blue sky was interrupted with gray and black smoke
The cool air was interrupted by ***** of fire
And the quiet morning was interrupted by the sound of shaking steel and crashing concrete
For the once-peaceful morning would be defeated
And the brightness of the day would be overcome by darkness

Never before had so many died outside the realm of battle
As if the thousands were merely pawns for warfare
The darkness of that day would not last
For countrymen stood and with one voice said;
"United We Stand!"

Darkness does not last, nor does it rule
For the night is defeated by the sun at dawn
And the dark is defeated by The Son at Resurrection
For God clears away the darkness
And through the dark, brings life

"The Lord giveth
And The Lord taketh away"
We learned all too well
But "The light shines through the darkness
And the darkness cannot overcome it"

Justice of men set its sights immediately
And years later, it came to fruition
But the Justice of God set its sights
And too it came to fruition
Now, the time of light sits upon the horizon

A tragedy unlike any other
A Tuesday morning turned to Hell
While the Hell on that day may still remain
We remember the light from a Sunday so many years ago
When God, who was dead, rose to life

The light from His empty tomb
Poured out into the darkness of the day
Marking the beginning of the remaking of all things
For He promised us long long ago;
"I am making all things new"

And new He is making all things
Taking from us the sting of Hell
And giving to us the joy of Heaven
While the pain of that Tuesday may still remain
The darkness of it does not

For He is making all sad things come untrue
As He makes all things new
And He's told us "Prepare the Way!"

I sat in front of the toilet
Suffering through this painful toil
My legs straddling this porcelain hellseat
My arms hugging and latching on
I then feel the sensation in my mouth
And I feel the saliva gathering under my lip
The terrible nausea in my stomach increases
Until my body lurches forward
And my stomach releases its wrath

After three or four repetitions
The sickness is gone
And the toil is over
After all the pain and suffering
The toil and snare
My stomach is settled
All is well
And I will continue on
Without the pain of this nausea

How my life is like vomiting
One moment, all is well
One moment, life is good
But the next moment my stomach churns
The next moment I am pained
My once-peaceful life has fallen
And I dread the anxiety of what comes next
I know that in moments my pain will increase
In moments, my current pain will be nothing

And just as I *****
I go through momentary pain
It feels as if it will never end
And then just as I cease to *****
My trials also cease
My hard times will reach an end
And my stomach will no longer pain
My life will pain no longer
As the ***** has passed from my system

Until another time
I am done dealing
For like ***** is my life
Passing painfully and quickly at times
Ending times of anxiety and fear
Showing the end of my pain
Then coming and going again

This road has been windy
This road has been painful
This road has been confusing
But I wouldn’t trade it
I wouldn’t go back on what is done
I don’t regret even a minute

I remember that snowy November day
I remember the anxiety that I held
And I remember learning a lot
I remember the weeks that followed
I remember learning about this girl
And I remember that final decision

I remember that rainy December day
I remember almost vomiting
And I remember pouring out to her
I remember the great feeling
I remember knowing that girl
And I remember the painful week

I remember that dark January night
I remember the tears we cried
I remember the tearing apart
I remember the weeks that followed
I remember the pain that came
And I remember the pain remains

I remember that cold February night
I remember dinner with Josh
And I remember his big question
I remember deciding to wait
I remember preparing for pain
And I remember the hope I still hold

I'm prepared to continue down this road
Even though she's only a friend
I know the pain may be great
And the time will linger
As I walk along this road and wait
Hoping for paths to cross again

I know this could all be in vain
That it may be permanently done
That it won't be worth my pain
Even in these realizations
I do hope this is worth my time
And contains no regret

I know waiting is never easy
And I know time passes slowly
That not all ends well
But I won't abandon
I wait and see
It'll be a while before I leave

For now we are separate
And it hurts like hell
So I'll do all I can do
I love her the only way I can
I'll love her as her brother
And maybe one day I love her as myself

Some will criticize
They will question my sanity
Some will say move along
They will say not to linger here
But shouldn't end well, it'll be worth it
It won't be in vain

"And if it is in vain?”
They'll ask me
“Then I'll have learned”
Learned about pain
And the grace and healing comes with
I'll know the road well

And I know she's worth waiting for
I know there's something good, should I make it across the sea
I seen each deep part
The parts that lie broken and empty
But also the deep beauty of her heart
And I know she'd be worth the wait

I know if in the end we become one
That it will be worth the wait
It will be well worth the pain
Because she'll be worth it all

And if in the end we are separate, so be it
Better days will lie ahead
And if they don’t, the best days are yet to come
She and I will find love elsewhere

For now I’ll wait
And one day it may pay off
And I’ll praise God
Or it may not pay off
And I’ll praise God

We fought hard for the hill
We held fast for our ground
But the enemy raged still
We knew victory may not be found
As we began to fall on that hill

The war waged on day and night
Our adversaries taunt us
Enemy attacks create a fright
The memories of battles hunt us
As we lost the battle in the night

Our enemy chased us to the sea
A massacre on that ******? shore
On the beach we begin to flee
To avoid all the blood and gore
We boarded ships to sail the sea

Our ships were filled with blood
Our fallen friends lay still on the floor
Our ship sailed red from the flood
Our troops could take no more
Our regiment could shed no more blood

Our ships sailed across the sea
Sights were a secret to keep
The war was too much to see
I began to drift to sleep
As we sailed across the sea

As I slept, a dream I dreamt
A nightmare of my own demise
A battle where my fortunes spent
Where my whole arm dies
Still I’m terrified by the dream I dreamt

I remember the terror in that dream
Like a defendant in a courtroom scene
Guilty of a crime it seem
No one to trust, no friend on whom to lean
I could never wake from this dream

With ****** hands I sat in jail
My victim was my own heart’s fate
To my torture, justice prevailed
I’m tortured by my cellmate
All of my days spent in this jail

One day a guard came with a key
He opened my cell door
He set me free
But like a monster with blood and gore
I was trapped without a key

I saw the sins of my life
All the men I’d killed
Just to take their wife
All I’ve done and I’ve willed
Has incomplete this wretched life

Like a rock tied to my foot
Sinking to fast in a raging
My lungs and water meet
My sins bear fruit, I see
As the stone weighs down my feet

Under the salty water
Sins sting my soul like eyes with salt
My breath begins to falter
The penalties I deserve become a vault
As my lungs fill with that water

In this dream I wash up on a beach
It seems I will never die
That the end is where I’ll never reach
No matter how much I’ll cry
Until I finally died on the beach

I woke up from this nightmare dream
Lying in this dark ship’s hull
I walk out to glorious sun beams
And over the dream I mull
Then I lived the terrible dream

I’ve seen all the sins I’ve made
I looked up and asked the way
All the pain on my heart has been laid
Then blue skies turned to gray
And my way was made

At a port we met a man
Said he would sail a ship across the stormy sea
When we made it to our land
Our enemy ruled all that we could see
And we followed the foreign sailor man

We made our way across our homeland
Through the lands our enemy had taken
In the weeks since we’d left our cherished land
The fate of the people seemed forsaken
As we saw what remained of our once-beautiful homeland

From the shore, we could see the hill
The foreign man said we should march to that place
The memories of that fateful night lingered still
Days went by and we still race
To that steep bloodstained hill

We journeyed across our war-raged land
Fighting with our enemy attackers
The man from the port, that foreign man
Saves us from these ****** matters
Fighting through pain for our land

On our way to the hill
We fought many battles along the way
And made our way not by our skill
But then some blood to add
It seemed the battle once again ended at the wall

The foreign man had been killed
Our battle seemed to have been lost
As if enough blood hadn’t already been spilled
The morning next was cold with frost
The hope for the war seemed to have been killed

But when all hope was gone
And our pain began to rise
When our enemies were bearing down
He came back and ended our demise
And all fear for loss was gone

Things had become good again
Good for the first time since the beginning
The sad things of the world became a gem
The once hopeless battle now winning
All things were become good once again

He returned from the dead
He defeated our enemies
He stood in our stead
He became our remedy
Then we powered ahead

We charged up the hill
Toward the great mountain peak
The journey was filled with thrill
The foreigner led us, the weak
And leads us upon this mountain still

He saved us all
From the wrath of our adversaries
From the sin of ourselves

He told us we were lost
And we couldn't even hear Him
He showed us our faults
And we couldn't even see them
He touched us in our broken places
And we couldn't even feel it
He fed us the fruits of His love
And we couldn't even taste it
He shared with us the aroma of his love
And we couldn't even smell it

Alone we sat in our darkness
Before He became incarnate
Alone we were, far from Glory
Feeling distant from The Father
Not knowing The Son

Begotten, not made, The Son became incarnate
Into our darkness, He became us
The Son felt the brokenness
He felt our darkness, our sin
He was God walking as man

He showed us the way
And we followed
He filled the gap of our faults
And we felt his endless love
He covered our wounds
And we were healed
He gave us bread and wine
And came and we ate, and we drank
He filled our lives with his sweetness
And we basked in the glory of His aroma

In love, The Father gave his son
In flesh, The Son loved without bounds
In mystery, The Spirit works in us

By the boundless, endless mystery
Of the great love of God,
We are saved

"It gets worse"
The words we all dread
Like wind blowing cold air
As if the winter were not yet cold enough
But it gets worse
And the cold air blows
Blows to freeze my flesh

Snow lays on the frozen ground
The world shining brighter than a Bride's dress
But the morning air is biting
The cold air is paining
It seems warm air will never come
And this winter will never end
But it gets worse

Before the warmth of Spring arrives
The snow will cast a white coat on the world again
The land will freeze once more
And people will die, perishing from the freeze
I only hope to live to see the spring
That I will breathe again when the winter passes
Because it gets worse

For the cold wind blows terrible air
And when it leaves, and it feels safe
It only returns, bringing back cold air
And over again and again, it repeats
For this winter will not end
This toil is one everlasting
And I only wish to die

But as I prepare to die
I feel a warm breeze
And I see the flowers blooming
And for the first time in what felt like years
I see the shining sun
And I feel the warmth on my face
For spring is coming

I then hear a calming voice call to me
"Come now, my love
My lovely one, come
See the winter is passed
The rains have come and gone
See the flowers blooming in the land
Hear the joyful singing of the season is come
The calling of the birds has begun
The trees ripen, the vines blossom
And we are given the beautiful fragrance of spring
Come now, my love
My lovely one, come"

For see, The Lord has come