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You've been away for awhile, and I've got a lot to say
A lot of things have happened since that devastating day
I want you to know what's going on in my world
I'm gonna be a mother, daddy
I'm having a baby girl

You won't be here when she finally comes into my life
You won't be here when she's the flower ******* the day I become a wife
You will never tuck her in and kiss her goodnight
She'll never meet you, and to me it's just not right
It's like a knife to my chest
A blow to my soul
It's not fair she'll never know the man that gave me life
But I'll do my best to make up for it, I'll tell her every night
The ways in which you loved me and made me who I am
So that I could create this baby girl, and love her like I can

I'll love her unconditionally
Just the way that you loved me
And I'll love her just as much
When she tells me she hates me

I'll look her in the eyes and be reminded of the days
You looked into mine, and loved me this way
My heart is captured.

And for once,

you don't have it.
How would you feel if I told you I like your mind?
I enjoy your spoken thoughts 'cause they're similar to mine
And what would you say if I asked to hear more?
Tell me what goes on in there when you shut the door
What does your mind search for while you search for sleep?
What do you envision in the moments you hardly speak?
Do you question these things, or is it just me?

Ask your neighbor, a stranger...
What it is that makes them move
Not down the hall, across the street, or into another room
Ask them what it is that really makes them move
What touches them so close they're not sure what to do?
Have you ever been rubbed raw, brother?
And who was it that rubbed you?
And what did they have to say?
Why did you let it slip in and change your thoughts for the day?

Ask yourself the same thing
What really grinds your gears?
How often do you change your thoughts?
Every week, month, or year?
How many minutes in a day do you spend thinking to yourself?
How many times can you recollect asking for help?
Do you carry confidence with you to the places that you go?
These are the things in our minds that most never know
We settle for small talk, for some reason, like that's all there is
For that reason, I'd prefer not to talk to an adult over a kid
They'll tell you anything and that's how it should be
Let's open our minds and let others see

What is it about a person that draws you in?
What about being human makes it easier to sin?
What's the first thing you noticed when you opened your eyes today?
I've been thinking a lot, and I think that's okay...

People would look at me strange if I asked these things,
But if they found this on tumblr, it could be life changing...
Don't close your mind to things that seem off the wall,
Let's try something new,
I'm sick of small talk
We are all the same when ripped apart
Just skin and bones and a pumping heart
So what makes you so special?

We all have our share of problems
And we've all got our dreams
Sometimes we're not sure how to solve them
Sometimes it comes so easily

If you took a look at me
What would come to mind?
Do you think that you could see
The demons that swim my spine?

Of course you couldn't
And if you could, you wouldn't try
And that is just the problem
With the world and I

We see what's on the outside
A book, a house, a letter
We don't care about the inside
Until we know it's better

We are all the same when ripped apart
Just skin and bones and a pumping heart
So what makes you so special?
I'm frightened when the phone rings for the very first time,
And every ring after that makes me just as nervous
And angry
As if I want to yell for silence
But no one is there

There's one good thing about the house phone ringing,
If they leave a voicemail, they get to hear my dad's voice
I haven't heard my dad speak in fifty days
He was fifty when he died,
fifty days ago
fifty doesn't seem so old to me now

There are nights that I get to see him,
But only with my eyes closed
While I sleep on his pillow
Because it still smells like him
Sometimes I hear his voice
And my stomach drops and I grin
Until I realize...

I'm frightened
And every ring after that makes me just as nervous
And angry
As if I want to yell at someone
But no one is there

There's one good thing about depression,
After you leave a voicemail on your mother's phone, you'll be put to sleep
In fifty different ways,
with fifty different pills
because fifty doesn't seem like so many to me now

Fifty just doesn't feel like anything to me now
I just don't feel anything now
Please note; I do not actually take pills, this is just a reflection of how I feel.
These demons inside us
They want us to die
We're a lot alike
You and I

I fight death with ink
You fight it with fighting the ability to think
But we both want to die
We're just too strong for suicide
Though we've been close many times

We've got problems
That could eat us alive
We've got monsters
Feeding off our insides
The parts that haven't yet died

Have you thought what it might be like to drown?
A sentence like that could make our mothers' cry
But as demonic as it might sound...
I'm just so happy you want to die
You are the last dream I had before I woke up, the one that lingers all day
You are the electrician I've been waiting on that never shows up, the one that doesn't do his job anyway

Will I always have to settle for less than you?
Sometimes when I get high
I imagine I can fly
And I'm not really sure why
But someday I'm gonna try

If I fall,
Tell them it wasn't suicide this time
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