I feel her in my lungs, she is my very breath.
Every intake is a caress against my lips.
A life without would be death.
A craving? No, something more.
Buring in my chest, a pulsing ravenous need.

But what am I to her? A leaf perhaps.
Momentary beauty that fluters past her eyes,
To be trampled underfoot without thought.

Baby, I lie all the time.
I'm good
It's fine
*I love you

There are shadows. I don't know how to cope.
Shadows of the good and the bad.
But the good shadows just feel sinful.
The bad ones are filled with solace.
It has been so much better, so much worse
The now is temporary, grounded.
There were nights I never wanted to end
And ones I thought never would.
Now? Now my mind is filled with wisps of both.
Strands of good woven with strands of bad.
A tapestry of light and darkness, life and loss.
Fabric stretched so far it snags on moments.
First kisses, the last one I got to taste
Learning to drive on country backroads.
I can taste the poison of pills,
Smell my mother's perfume.
That red sunset, blinding me with hope.
There are no shadows without light.