the difference between you
and worthless,
is a couple of letters and two shiny eyes.
an 'r' where the 'u' should be
and a beautiful smile.

the difference between the sky
and the end
is a vowel and a couple consonants.
a dark end where a brilliant blue would have been.

the difference
between the moon and the sun
is the heat and the travel.
one gets to close to the sun,
and a certain doom shall occur,
but the moon is traveled,
explored
much like you, and me.

we have seen many people
and many people have seen us
we have been called beautiful
and grand
and had assumptions made behind our back,
but you and I,
we aren't like the sun,
merely a reflection,
the difference between us and them
is a kind smile
and a lack of judgement

and here i am again
running to this website
to cower behind a screen
and try to make people feel like they're actually needed
hoping that for once,
my pathetic existence meant something to someone
that they can read my poem and know that
you're not alone
in feeling like you're unwanted
like you could exit this earth stage left
and no one would care
you're not alone in feeling like a burden
or a phase for someone to grow out of,
someone else has been there.
so here i am
again
cowering behind a screen
thinking to myself
if only i could make a difference
if only i could save a life
if only my words could have so much meaning to someone somewhere
that i might just be part of the reason they didn't die
part of the reason they feel loved
or understood
because the world is a cruel place
people don't play by the rules

and usually someone winds up getting hurt
not you darling
not  today.

To finish your own life by hand,
May seem like the right thing to do.
But to free yourself from this land,
Is to imprison those that love you.

all the stars are soaked in tears.
all of the night's darkness covered in concealer
and precariously perched sunglasses.
the moons craters can be healed by some cold water
and carefully applied eyeliner.
but why should we cover what happened?
i mean, it just happened,
it just is.
it's not anything except itself,
right?
there are special tears reserved for the night,
for those particular shadows.
sometimes, it's best that the sun doesn't get jealous
that the moon is the only one who gets to see you like this.
'why love the moon
when it is only a reflection?' the sun asks
'it's like loving a mirror,
it's never going to be real'

oh but the moon knows why you love it
there is no such flattering light
as that which falls on your tears
when you decided to stop brushing them away.

Top hats and bow ties
sweet heart candies and deep red dresses

a meaningless fantasy that I should've never had,
not with you anyways.

Frizzy hair underneath grey fedoras
and bright eyes below dark eye lashes and excessive amounts of eyeliner.

This is life now,
me with my caked on makeup and poorly died hair

tea and nose rings.
Strangely enough, I think they go together well.

Teenage years and a different sexuality,
drivers license and a new gender.

Small crisis and a big smile,
fake laughter, and very real tears.

What a year.
What a year

I'll give you something to cry about!
I'll give you a transcript of all the things you said

a record of all the things you did
a clever recollection for you to look at

after you're done looking at my corpse.
I'll give you a mistress and traumatic time,

I won't, however, give you custody of the kids,
or even allow visitation.

I'll be a cruel *******, and give you a miserable life.
My plan was to get you hooked on money,

and my stupid ******* personality,
dictatorship and addicts withdrawal are sure to ensue.

Miss. Elizabeth Ann,
I'll give you a good time,

only until I find someone different.

i took drowning lessons the other day
turns out,

i'm really good at it.
really good at ******* water into my lungs

and falling asleep
never to get back up

i took drowning lessons the other day
turns out

this feeling
in my chest

that won't go away
and always ******* persists

it what it feels like to drown
burns

a lot really,
more than you'd think

like if they opened your chest,
filled it with alcohol and lit it up

i took drowning lessons the other day,
thought maybe it would wash me clean

i thought
it could wash away the pain.