Bipolar Hypocrite

Bipolar Hypocrite Oct 2014

Wind

I'm sitting on a chair,
Reading someone else's life.

The wind blowing outside,
And I only wish for it to take me away.

The quietness of the room,
Isn't the one that I love.
But the one that I'm so used to.

My eyes dart from my book to my screen,
Hoping someone would reply.
A friend to keep me company.
Someone who is there for me.

But my eyes droop at an empty inbox,
I realize no one is.
They all have their own lives to deal with,
And I'm left alone.

The wind blowing
Everything but my mistakes.
My regrets.
The things I don't want.

I wish I were a speck of dust.
Hated,
Tiny,
Weak,
But so easily swept away.

I could fly away from a problem,
Without hurting.

I think too much.
So that's why I'm mad at me.

I was too blind,
To see that you were happy.

To rain on your parade,
Is the last thing I want to do.

I just want to make you laugh.
I just want to make you laugh.

But this karma
Of being alone I deserve.

I want a friend.
I want a laugh.

I want you,
To do that for me.

I think you are hurting.
But you are smiling.

I'm blind,
I can't see over my big head.

And I'm very sorry.

Please forgive me?

But I know you don't care.

I've just got a head too big for me to see over.

And I'm sorry for that.

Bipolar Hypocrite Oct 2014

I Don't Know

I Don't know anyone anymore,
It's like they've grown up without me.
I wasn't a missing link,
But only a useless one.

A glimpse of my world at the moment. There is a whole poem, but it's not something I wish to share. Yet.

My world has come crashing down my shoulders.
Smiling seems to be a sin.
I don't know anything anymore.

#depression

Bipolar Hypocrite Oct 2014

:/

If I were to be an emoji
For the rest of my life,
I would be
:/

Not :)
Or :(
Just
:/

I'm not happy,
I'm not sad,
I'm merely
Confused.

I'm a combination,
Of the two.
Sad, yet not always.
Happy, but only slight.

A lost soul, maybe?
Confused and sad to be alone.
But I'm happy to be away,
From the cruel, cruel world.

I could be :)(
But I am :/
Instead.

I feel depressed sometimes.
I cover a :( with a :)
Just to stop the questions,
And to see if it could be real.

:) could mean :(
But I can laugh for real.
Happiness can fill my insides.

I feel sorry for some people,
Not always pity, though.
Just sorry I can't feel the same way.
Sorry I can't tell them I know how they feel.
So I become :/

I don't know how I feel sometimes.
Since my mood changes
by a few questioned words.

Content + Miserable = :/
Hope my maths is correct,
I have never been a genius,
I guess that applies for feelings too.

:/ = Me
I'm just a confused and miserable soul.

Somebody please help me.
Change me.
I don't want to stay the same,
Forever and always.

Bipolar Hypocrite Oct 2014

Happiness

Happiness is...

Not being sad.

People compare happiness to many different things,
Then I forget what happiness means.

But I write the truth,
And I won't forget,
What happiness truly means.

:)

#truth #happiness

Bipolar Hypocrite Oct 2014

Broken Heart

I pick up the broken pieces of my delicate heart,
Feeling the sharp edges cut my skin.

My blood oozes out my flesh,
Your name carried within.

You have poisoned my body,
So I bleed you out.

With every drop,
A kiss is left unfelt.

Dried out, it becomes scars,
Reminders of you,
And what you did to my once whole heart.

These broken pieces hurt like knives.
They burn my skin, redden it.
But only a silent scream escapes,
As I fall to the ground.

I lay on this deserted desert.
Only the cracked ground for company.

My thirst is unquenchable,
Since you are my water.

I'm far away from you,
Carrying this broken heart,
Watching it burn under the sun,
To red ashes.

My blood darkens,
Revenge cornering my mind.

But I love you,
How could you?

Slowly, I burn too.
I burn, with my broken heart.

Blood evaporating to the sky,
To heaven.

While I lay here,
In hell.

I clutch my heart,
Feelings the pain,
Loving it,
Since that's all I've learned to do.

My love is a metaphor.

My broken heart is a metaphor.