Yes I jumped in those leaves
crunchy, fluffy, autumn leaves
Waded in the decorative fountain
Climbed on the public art

Yes I danced swing in the BART station
Hid in the grocery store among rolls of
toilet paper
Had to *** a ride after the Dicken's faire
Played in the rain
Hugged my mother
Made my dad take me to see Tangled in 3D

Yes I measured the baking soda for those
dinosaur chocolate chip cookies
Loved Steve Irwin will all my childhood admiration
Was afraid of the Deep End
Memorized Shel Silverstein

Remember my sister reading me Harry Potter
Gripping my best friend on Tower of Terror, Indiana Jones, Space Mountain
Sang Christmas Carols in October
And I'm not even sorry

I was a pirate paleontologist pop-star
pokemon master steampunk rocker renaissance girl who
time-traveled, hunting T-rex
adventuring with Christopher Robin, Calvin and Hobbes

Made two corsages for my junior prom, fed ducks,
ate at Mels, posed in the dollar store, watched
the Avengers in our glittering dresses for the second

Laughed so hard I cried about the stupidest things
I doubted, got lost in Costco, found my faith
Had my prayers answered
For the bestest, most faithful friends
I have the "simple human relief of knowing you’ve done wrong, and living through it"

And don't take this the wrong way
It's not like I'm going to jump off a bridge
Well, maybe with a bungee cord?

But if I died right now
****! Gone.
I wouldn't say I envied anybody
Not really

We've had a pretty **** great time
haven't we?

Oh sure I'd protest
Places to go, people to see, things to eat, but...

As long as You forgive me
my faults

Whose to say,
There is anything else I HAVE to do
Before I have lived a GREAT life

I have nothing to prove
besides that I am grateful
for this breath of life
which may pass at any moment

Volatile vehicle vicarious voice
charting course on changing choice
guilty of your glancing guess
life of listening, liking less

stretched by the stripping strings
waiting with wasted wings
fueled by their falling fears
protected by prospective peers

This is about people that really don't have much of a personality or voice, until a bandwagon comes along that they can jump on.

All I want
is to dig you up
Push you out of my skin like oozing
pus, watch with intent and disgust as you
slither away from my desiccated corpse
I want you out of my head, I want you out of my
heart; I can feel the home I made for you in them
and that’s just it, it’s all my fault
I wanted this

It all flooded at me
and the floodwaters never fell away
Never ceased, constantly rising within my bones
Growing, reaching outward, mighty waves built
only to crash down upon a wavering shoreline
I did this all to myself in the end and you were just a part

This mess
is all mine to mop up,
so, I still cannot find all the words
to mend my own scars and I still
pick at the scabs and I still have not
found the right way to dispose of your dying memory
but it’s a start, a step that I’m taking to kick up some dust

I'm sorry
I just don’t think I can live with a definite noose around my neck
Ready to step off some creaky chair at every notion of
the lack of your affection

DDD
*(11/9/2013)

Snow falling.
Ash rising.
Pump blood.
Breathe smoke.
Live art.
Screech obscenities.
Make love.
Show scars.
Create beauty.
Destroy yourself.